not sure that my counsellor is bf friendly, wwyd?

[doulawoman]

so dd is 4.5 months now and we've been going to counsellors at the local health unit, we just switcxhed to a new lady who is the trained postpartum counsellor but just got back from mat leave herself. I'm getting the feeling she is not bf friendly or well eduycated and I'm confused by some of her comments, would appreciate feedback

her: is she sleeping through the night (said as iof this is very important)
me: no she sleeps with me (her: slightly odd look) and she wakes to nurse several times and i change her diaper
her: oh she still nurses at night!?
me: yes
her: but she's nursing mpre for cxomfort, not for nutrition
me: ?? um...??

her (later) you should make your sleep a priority 2-3 nights a week
me:??? (I am doing that, no?? what does this mean?? I didn't have a chance to ask cause sge started asking more questions)

there were other odd things but this stood out most. it seems like her advice will be about how bf'ing and AP are the problem... should I give her some sort of study top read about bf'ing?

ideas please!

[doulawoman]

not sure how helpful sghe'll be

she also said when I said I won't leave her to cry "oh. she's a biot little still"

wtf?

[Bokonon]

You really don't even need to tell her all of that. Just say she's sleeping fine.

[PatioGardener]

is this a public health unit??? do you mind if i ask what province you are in? i'm shocked that a public health staff would make such comments no matter her speciality!

i'm going to find you some public health websites!

ps glad you knew she was not based in facts! of course your baby needs to nurse at night!

eta: if she is in public health you could take this above her so she can be educated and not screw up other nursing dyads!

[yarngoddess]

I would say something different and vague. Q-Is she sleeping well? A-Yep, she sleeps perfectly Because babies are wired to wake every 2-4hrs anyway! You need to draw a line, make the visits about your problems or things you need to work on, not your parenting skills. It's not easy, but you may need to tell the counselor something along the lines of "Miss, I'm here to discuss XYZ, and need ideas to deal with XYZ. My DD and my parenting style and ideas are NOT up for debate (or) My parenting decisions are something I don't want to discuss." and then move on.

There are people that you CANNOT educate. They have their minds made up about the way they "think" child rearing should be. IMHO Therapists and Counselors and Doctors are among some of the most significantly stuck in their opinions. You can give her info that will back up your decision, but the reality is that it's YOUR DECISION, and it doesn't matter one bit what anyone else thinks.

[doulawoman]

Originally Posted by PatioGardener

is this a public health unit??? do you mind if i ask what province you are in? i'm shocked that a public health staff would make such comments no matter her speciality!

i'm going to find you some public health websites!

ps glad you knew she was not based in facts! of course your baby needs to nurse at night!

eta: if she is in public health you could take this above her so she can be educated and not screw up other nursing dyads!

I'm in BC. yeah, the unit here is very pro-breastfeeding too so I was eally confused, that's why I opened up at all, cause she is supposed to be educated and understanding...

do you think I should? lots of women see her...

[rachelsmama]

I think I would be looking very hard to try to find somebody else. If you really can't find anybody else and you think you can get some benefit from her in between the parenting advice, it might be worth being evasive about some of those parenting questions (eg. "is she sleeping through the night?" "she sleeps AT night" or "she sleeps like a baby"), otherwise it might turn into a mini-mommy-war. If you have the option of looking for somebody new it might be worth putting the word out to the local LLL leaders, LC's etc... that you're looking for a counselor who is AP and breastfeeding friendly and see if you can come up with any names that way. If you end up leaving this counselor then definitely give her an appropriate parting gift, maybe something by Dr. Sears, or Dr. Newman?

[doulawoman]

I can look for someone else but would have to pay lots of$$ the lady I am seeing is free (canada) because I was referred by my mw. I had someone I liked better before but she was the replacement for this woman (while she was on mat leave) and she is gione now. I probably shouldn't bee so open, but like I said the health unit is pro bf'ing puts on cbf classes, LLL meetngs and the LC's/public healt nurses work from it. she is SUPPOSED to be educated on this esp as the pp counsellor. and she said what she can "offer" me is ways to cope ith baby... she also asked aboutreg nap times etc... it seemed it was all about how to modify my dd's needs or my responses to her...I am too honest I guess. I will try the aproach po f beimg vague and redirecting her to my mental/emotional health, but it seems to her that that is directly because of bf'ing at night etc.

[PatioGardener]

Originally Posted by doulawoman

I'm in BC. yeah, the unit here is very pro-breastfeeding too so I was eally confused, that's why I opened up at all, cause she is supposed to be educated and understanding...

do you think I should? lots of women see her...

You need to protect your self first - so only say something if you feel your care will not be affected.

I can tell you for sure that the head of the early years/maternal infant/family health division would be really upset to hear that she is giving advice detrimental to breastfeeding. I'm going to think about this some more... (I'm in Ontario, but I'm familiar with the public health units in several provinces.)

[SophieAnn]

I am wondering... why bother going to these visits?

Are you benefitting from these visits? Do you actually need these visits?

Is this the only public health counsellor available to you? If there's another one available, I'd request another while at the same time notifying her supervisor that she seems to be ill-informed and is giving out advice that will be detrimental to breastfeeding moms.

If it were me, I'd quit altogether (after speaking to the supervisor) and join a local LLL instead.

[doulawoman]

I was benefitting from them yes, until I got this counsellor this week. I don't really want to go into detail about why I'm going, but I feel it was/would be helpful IF she were actually going to help me.

there are no other postpartum counsellors, no.

the local LLL is a bit dead...it doesn't run in summer, and the leaders have much older kids and often I have been the only one there! (at the meetings) the l;eader also told me I'd "grow out of" thrush which I had very very bad and it needed treatment, not to be grown out of! anyway, that is a separate issue.

thanks for all the responses I appreciate knowing there was something odd about her comments. I will give her another try and try to focus on the issues and not my parenting choices, if that is a no-go I guess I will see how I go on my own.

[PatioGardener]

Here are some public health sites talking about the importance of night feeds:
http://www.ottawa.ca/residents/healt....html#P35_2778
http://www.bestchance.gov.bc.ca/you-...ml#SleepBetter (from bc)

If she doesn't respect your breastfeeding practices (which are recommended for a baby that age!) then I would ask for another councellor. If that isn't possible, like a PP said, I would make the topic 'out of bounds'. And either way, I would inform the breastfeeding people at the health unit that she is giving out bad advice, so they can make sure she is giving the same message as the rest of the health unit (they will want this - differing messages are not approved!)

Good luck - as if having a baby isn't stressful enough!

[NSmomtobe]

I understand how you feel because I had a similar conversation with my doctor this week and it was very frustrating and upsetting to have my parenting questioned like that. In defense of him and the public health unit (who have been VERY helpful to me in establishing my breastfeeding relationship), I was told by the public health nurse who visited me that my particular doctor was very supportive of breastfeeding, but not terribly knowledgeable ("bless his heart") and to take what he said with a grain of salt.

However, I was horrified a few weeks ago to hear one of the public health visitors explaining to a mother "how to Ferberize" her 8 month-old daughter, saying that she no longer needs to eat at night. To her credit, she did tell the mother of a 5.5-month-old that her son was still too young for this method, but it upset me to know that public health was supporting the CIO method at all, and the materials they hand out say that it is normal for a baby to need a feeding during the night between 6 and 12 months (more often before that, obviously). This is a home visitor though, and not a nurse. What training does your counselor have? Is she a nurse? If not, she might not have the breastfeeding knowledge that the nurses have. I have lots of people in public health that I can talk to so I would go to one I felt more comfortable with. If you don't have that option, I would share some information about the importance of night feedings and then refuse to discuss the topic again, as PPs suggested.