Tell me what it's all about?

[Kim B Lynn]

I know a little bit about Gentle Discipline, but not enough to know how to practice it. My DS is 9.5 months, so I don't really need it YET, but I want to know how to when the time comes.


Can you tell me your GD story?

What specific methods work the best for you?

What do you do when you aren't feeling gentle?

How do you explain it to your partner/family/babysitter?

How effective has it been for your kids?


Thanks for humoring me. I'm really hoping to be a calm, loving parent when it comes to discipline...not one that looses her cool all the time. I just know I'm going to need a little preparation to get to that point.

[NellieKatz]

It's good that you're thinking about it ahead of time. I would say the best way to use this time is to evaluate what it is you will be wanting your kid to do and why. That sounds too broad and a little insane...but what I mean is, evaluate the little script in your head. There could be one that says "he has to do what I say because I'm the mama, that's why!...so now how can I gently make him do my will" and there's another kind of voice that is more questioning and thoughtful, such as "Am I asking for something entirely arbitrary here, or am I asking my kid for something reasonable. Is my kid allowed to say "no" to me, ever? Do I ever say No to him? What do I want our long-term relationship to be...one of trust, or one of coercion and power"

Those were just examples, but what I am getting at is the underlying philosophy of your relationship. What kind of system is it....power-over (might makes right)? or something more mutual.

I maintain that even if someone's claiming to be doing Gentle Discipline, it's not really gentle if the parent is not regarding the child as a separate person with rights of his own, and doesn't respect that. I used to be guilty of this...I'd do time-outs and thought they were so GD because I wasn't whacking my kid like my own dad would have done. But we still had huge problems because I was still operating on a power-over model.

I wish I had time to say more, but I'm one of those overworked stay at home, work at home, homeschooling mamas--and I finally have the house to myself. DH and DS are out on a small trip. So I have to work like CRAZY when they're away (at my art)....peace time is so rare! :-)

[mom2grrls]

For the age you'll be coming at first(toddlerhood) the best discipline is redirection and distraction. Provide a safe environment for exploration and know your toddler is not out to get you