Scared About Natural Birth - Page 3

[zoebird]

i had an orgasmic/ecstatic (painless) birth, and i get nervous thinking about birthing again too.

i think part of it is just the unknown. i don't know what the next birth will be (should i choose to have one). I know i 'can' do it, i don't know how it will go, though. you never can know.

so, part of it is just striving to make peace with the fact that you aren't in control of it. you can do a lot of things to prepare yourself (so many great ones mentioned), but at the end, you just have to accept that it will be what it will be.

and when you get to that point, i think it becomes less scary overall. i mean, i has to accept that although i was planning and preparing for a UC, a c-section might be in order--you never know. i didn't want that, of course, but i did have preparations for all kinds of transfer needs, and that included if i felt i needed to go and get some pain management and related help.

so, honestly, it just comes to accepting that it will be what it will be, and that whatever that is, you can handle it.

[rparker]

I haven't read most of the replies.

I wasn't afraid of unmedicated birth while pregnant with my first. I'd read a lot of positive birth stories and decided that birth might or might not be painful but that if my birth ended up being in the 90% or so of physiologically normal births it was probably an experience I could handle. And if it wasn't, well I was giving birth in a hospital so other options were there.

I really, really hate pain. I scream and cry and swear when I stub my toe. I threw up and almost passed out when I got my nipples pierced and self medicated afterwards to deal with the pain. My daughter's birth wasn't painful. I told my husband that I thought I might want medication at one point because I wanted labor to be over, the contractions at this point weren't painful per se but they were psychologically overwhelming... he called a nurse to do a cervical check and it turned out that it was time to push. Once I started pushing everything felt right again and I didn't want the meds.

I don't doubt at all that some births are painful for some women, but it's not a given that it will be for any individual. I'm not a masochist. If my birth had been painful I would have gotten over my fear of spinal anesthesia and taken that route.

[MonP'titBoudain]

OK, you've gotten lot's of great replies. I just wanted to add this thought: check out Birthing From Within by Pam England. The first time around I did Bradley, read Ina May, The Birth Partner, etc. I ended up with Staidol and had a panicky, out-of-control feeling birth (still w/o pain meds, but it was hard to stay "in" the labor and birth). I came across Birthing From Within when pregnant with my second and found it to be the most helpful resource in confronting my fears. Knowledge is great and very important, but dealing with the emotions of labor and birth ended up helping me more than any other single thing.

Second, hire a doula. I know this as been said repeatedly already, but I feel like it's that important that it should be said again! Best of luck mama!

[msmiranda]

Haven't read all the other responses yet, but just wanted to say that I consider myself a wimp about pain ... but I've had two unmedicated births about which I can honestly say that the pain was not severe enough to make me wish I had access to medication until transition -- and by that point I was too close to done for it to be either practically feasible or worth the risks. Granted, I likely drew a good hand in terms of luck: my first baby was anterior, and though my second was posterior until at least some point during labor, I didn't have the "back labor" that I hear is so challenging. I know myself -- had I needed medication I would have asked for it and found a way to get it. Given the horror stories that abound, I was pleasantly surprised to find that labor just wasn't that bad. Pushing, I won't lie, hurt like a mug. But it was over pretty quickly.

[nadoja]

Read! Read! READ everything and anything on the stages of labor! The more you know about what is going on, the less anxiety you will have. By reading and talking to people about their experiences in natural childbirth you will learn that yes, there is pain involved, but no, it is not the end of the world. Having an understanding of why it is occurring can change your attitude from fear towards it. I am expecting kiddo #1 in August. From reading and talking to people, I understand that this is a process that my body can do. With the right support people involved with the birth, you will do great.

At the same time, remember to be flexible... what is planned, may not happen. So what if you choose to utilize pain medications? You did not fail at anything. You just chose a different route for your birth.

Start with this wonderful article:
http://mothering.com/pregnancy-birth/pain-labor

[shells_n_cheese]

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy!

I am going to be completely and utterly honest. I had a c-section with #1, so I really didn't experience labor much, but with #2 I had a homebirth. The birth was extremely painful, and I wanted an epidural, and the only thing keeping me from going to the hospital for one was the FEAR of getting in the car and dealing with the contractions the whole way. But... I did do it. I went unmedicated. But... I didn't think it was a big deal.

Next birth will be at the hospital, and if I want an epidural, I am getting one and will do so without a flinch.

Look, if you do end up having an unmedicated birth, that's wonderful. But, if you get an epidural, it's still wonderful -- it's the birth of your child. Don't let anyone ever make you feel guilty for getting an epidural, or even just thinking about geting one. It's NONE of their business.

I am not trying to scare you or dissuade you, just being 100% totally honest with you. I wish more would have been frank with me when I was planning my first unmed birth.

[Pippi L.]

Wow -- these are all such great responses! I'll add my anecdotal evidence for what it's worth. Labor for me wasn't so much painful but HARD WORK! I mentioned something along those lines to my husband's grandmother and she said, in a very kindly way, "Well, it's called labor for a reason!" And she's right. It was the hardest physical work I've done in my life. It wasn't pleasant, especially the pushing, but painful isn't how I would describe it.

But that's me. And different women have different experiences. Chances are you will be just fine having a natural childbirth if you are allowed to move around and you have sympathetic support people. And if something happens and you do choose meds then you're not a failure. We all have different needs and experiences in labor.

[phathui5]

Are you taking childbirth classes? Something like BirthWorks or Birthing From Within could really help deal with those feelings.

[scottishmommy]

I know this sounds crazy, but one of the things that helped me deal with the fear of childbirth was knowing that I had pain relief options. I know a lot of women who say that being in a hospital is harder because you are tempted to get an epidural. For me it was the opposite. I knew I could ask for an epi at any point and I felt good about that. It helped ease my anxiety. I could relax and deal with contractions without feeling like I was suffering.

[isign]

I've had 2 hospital births, and while both started the same, the ended up entirely different. My water broke spontaneously, #1 a leak, #2 a pop and gush. I waited several hours both times but neither time did contractions start, so I ended up on pit. With #1, I labored all day, going to the bathroom when needed, but required to be monitored. My nurse was super supportive. I started with Nubian and it made me loopy and completly out of it. I think the pain was worse with it, and I begged for an epi. I wish I knew how close I was to pushing. 30 min after epi, I pushed 3 times, and DS arrived earth side. #2, I was not allowed out of bed, labored all night, stressed as could be. I had 2 failed epis and very much had a yelling, screaming birth. I lost control, I didn't have the support I needed to do what I needed to do. DH was just as tired and worn out as I was by the end.

My advice - get a doula. No matter how amazing your partner is, he will get tired just as you will. Make sure your support team knows your wishes.

If you decide on an epi, there is no shame in it. Only you know what your body needs.