Yes, I can really relate. Actually, it was more during my pregnancy with dd2 when I thought dd2 would be our last child that I was really, really mourning. I could not believe I would not be experiencing pregnancy another time, feeling a baby moving inside me, giving birth, breastfeeding, etc.
I am soooooooooooooooooo happy that we decided to have a third child. I think given our lifestyle and the choices we've made, this will really be it. When we had dd2 she was such a sweet, lovely, easy baby we said if all babies were like her we'd have 7!
But realistically, based on finances, logistics, time, energy, etc. this is stretching us to our LIMIT.
I too thank my lucky starts that I've been able to experience pregnancy and birth several times. It has been such an intense and profound experience. I considered giving birth to be the most important days of my life.
The truth of the matter is, with my mental health stuff, and all the demands and responsibilities that we face, I feel like it is just wise to stop now. If we had more help going into the future with childcare, and came into a big lottery win or something
we would consider continuing. My mother babysat the two kids for us while we were at work over the past 3.5 yrs.
This has been a huge gift in a number of ways. One thing is that it allowed us to pay down on some of our student loan debts and free up some cash flow to buy a car. If we had to pay for daycare/childcare for the two kiddos over these past several years we would not have been able to afford to have a third child. I'm not sure that we would have been able to afford a second child.
I am sh*tting my pants now a bit about childcare costs for the next several years but you know what? It's totally worth it.
But again, wrt the spiritual, physical aspects of bearing children... it has been a very special time of life, and a true gift.
Not ready to close the door on this chapter of your life?
May I ask why or how you know this is your for-sure last PG?