How prepared/educated should the birth partner be?

[birthjunkie27]

This is my bf's first baby (my 4th) and while his heart is in the right place (he totally supports UC'ing and fully believes in the natural process).... he has yet to pick up a book! I don't know if I should push him.... should he just have a basic understanding of what to expect? Should I just trust myself and my body to do what it needs to do? I mean... ideally I'd love for him to know the ins and outs of birth but at the same time I do think I can rely on my body to get through it without him knowing everything there is to know about birth.

He's watched some birth videos with me so he *kind of* knows what to expect. I always try to incorporate discussion into the video watching.

He just kind of trusts that I know what to do since I've done it 3 times already (1 hosp birth, 2 home births).

This is my first (possible) UC though and I think I'd be more comfortable with him knowing what kinds of things to look out for. What's normal vs. not normal, etc...

Thoughts on this??

[Dahlea]

I'm making my husband read all the same things I am-mostly so he knows what to look for in case I'm unable to. I don't think its unreasonable to expect your bf t have a certain level of awareness

[SeekingMyZen]

my opinion is yes, he needs to know. there's great labor cheat sheets that used to float around here... lemme see if i can dig them up..

if in labor you need assistance, its nice to have someone else familiar with what to do in case you can't exactly tell them how to help (labor itself can make your brain not want to work, lol, let alone if there's any shock/trauma added to the situation)

believe me, im not trying to scare you. lol. and i have full faith in your natural ability to birth your baby.. its just one of those things you'd like to prepare by doing, just in case..

[SeekingMyZen]

heres the cheat sheets..
http://s292.photobucket.com/albums/m...C%20documents/

and heres the pdf for "emergency childbirth"
http://www.umbrellanoize.com/stuff/E...Childbirth.pdf

i had both printed up in a binder for DH... was his study material. lol. and great to have on hand while the birth is happening.. =)

[birthjunkie27]

Awesome!! Thanks for the links!

[Ruthla]

IMO, he needs to know enough so that he won't panic and call 911 in the middle of the birth (unless something is truly wrong and you know you need to transfer to a hospital.) If you don't need him to do anything for you during the birth other than watch the big kids, then he just needs to trust that you're fine and leave you alone. If you want him there holding your hand or rubbing your back during labor, then he needs to know a lot more, both so that he won't bring any negative energy into your birthing space, and also so that he wont' misinterpret any normal "this #$%^ing hurts!!!!" as a sign something is wrong or a cry for an epidural.

[zoebird]

my husband knew very little--he didn't read what i'd set aside for him, or other things. so, he just didn't know and just trusted me to birth. and i did.

i can't say whether or not it would have been better if it had been different.

but, if *you* would feel more comfortable with him knowing certain things, then communicate this to him. Tell him that *you need* him to learn the following thngs, and then "quiz" him on it to make sure you aer on the same page (quiz without quizzing, of course).

its' really abut communicating your needs. my husband was supportive, but passive about the pregnancy and birth. i was ok with this. what i wasn't ok with, i asked him to think about, act on, etc. he did, and it was good.

[mauinokaoi]

My husband was reluctant to know about birth so i told him this
"i may scream cry curse poop puke... or all of the above"

I wish i had given him very specific instructions on how to help/comfort me before labor. Maybe even wrote them down.

He reminds me that we may have prevented my afterbirth transfer if i had schooled him on how to help me prevent tearing.

DH "i knew what we were supposed to do but in the moment emotions take over and you really need to have it down...write it down...steps of service...have it on a chalk board...post it high in bold lettering"