Encouraging independent play...

[crunchy_mommy]

How?? And what's realistic?

DS is 17mo. He is quite content to do his thing (which usually consists of rearranging furniture, looking out the window, spilling the dog's food, etc.) as long as I'm paying constant attention to him. If I try to jump on the computer, or read a book, or cook dinner, he is a screaming, crying maniac. He loves to be the center of attention & the more people watching him, the better... I just wish I could occasionally do something besides just stare at him (don't get me wrong, he's very cute & fun to watch, but I spend 24 hours a day with the kid, and I could use some intellectual stimulation )

He's also very insistent that I do certain things. Like today he wanted me to wear sunglasses... over my regular glasses... in the house. And not the brown glasses that you can actually see through a little (he wears those), it has to be the black ones. OK fine, whatever, I can't see a thing but it makes him happy. But then he wants me to read him a book. Ummm I can't read the book unless I take off the sunglasses, but that makes him hysterical. And it has to be that specific book, not a book I've already memorized.

I feel like I'm going insane. DH called saying he'd be home 1/2 an hour late & I wanted to jump off a bridge Plus it's 102 degrees this week so we aren't playing outside much which doesn't help DS's crankiness!!

OK so anyway, how much do your toddlers play independently? And how much do you comply with their schemes? Or is my kid the only one with baby OCD???

[mckittre]

Sounds like my 17 month old has a more easygoing personality than yours, but I'll give you my experience anyway.

Totally playing by himself (as in I can be on the computer or read a book) is maybe 10 -15 min at a time when awake and indoors. Usually there are at least a few words exchanged between us in that time, though. And if he's in an especially good mood, he might only come bug me occasionally (to show/hand me a toy, etc), and I can keep working for significantly longer than 15 minutes if I'm OK with periodic interruptions.

Cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc... This is much easier. I let him do his thing, and when he gets tired of independent play, I give him a task to "help me". Like putting the veggies I've chopped in a bowl, or filling the cat's food bowl, or taking all the packing peanuts out of the box and putting them in a bag, or watering the plants with his little watering can. Usually he'll do it for a little while then get bored and wander off to play again.

Complying with schemes. Only when I feel like it. He enjoys bossing me around some, but I just say that we're "all done" with a certain game when I get tired of it, and try to distract him. He fusses a bit, but not too much. Like I said though, I suspect he's more easygoing than yours.

[crunchy_mommy]

Yeah my little guy has never been easy... He is the definition of high-needs

I keep hoping he'll 'grow out' of it but some days I just lose all patience & tolerance...

[physmom]

DD's similar. The best thing that's worked for her is humor. Say with the sunglasses, for instance, I would take them off and make a silly face and then put them back on. Keep doing that until you can make silly faces and not have to wear them anymore.

We have just 2 rooms in our apt and you can see one from the other. Sometimes she'll be playing on the bed when she starts the infinite "mommy mommy" loop. If I'm in the middle of something I might play a game of peek a boo just so she knows that she's got my attention but also I don't have to physically go there.

It also helps keeping very few toys out at a time and bringing out some of her favorites that she hasn't seen for a few days. I also keep my eyes peeled on craigslist if there is something really cheap and sometimes sell old toys/baby stuff to make up for it.

One thing that works the best for us for some quiet time (although it's not really independent) is just to go to a bench near our house that has many cars go by and you can also see airplanes. She likes pointing out the different vehicles to me (I can even read a bit while she watches them go by or uses sidewalk chalk to dry on the bench).

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by physmom

It also helps keeping very few toys out at a time and bringing out some of her favorites that she hasn't seen for a few days. I also keep my eyes peeled on craigslist if there is something really cheap and sometimes sell old toys/baby stuff to make up for it.

This is something we really need to work on. There are toys EVERYWHERE, maybe that's why he doesn't pay much attention to them, they are just 'background'... I certainly don't care if he plays with toys or "adult" stuff like the broom or whatever but maybe with fewer toys he'd actually pay attention to them. I feel so bad getting rid of toys my parents bought him though!! I tried putting some toys away for a bit & they never came back out .

The humor idea is good, I will have to try that. It's hard to be creative when you're too exhausted to think straight & listening to constant whining/screaming... hopefully the weather will improve & we can get outside more!!

[Jayray]

I have also discovered (although maybe you have tried this) that if I ignore the fuss for about a minute, he stops fussing and moves on to something else. I used to think he would never stop fussing until he got his way, but it's not the case. However, my son is only 13 mo., so perhaps 17 mo. have more endurance!

[crunchy_mommy]

he's always been big on endurance, he is the type to just get more & more upset 'til you give in or come up with a super-amazing distraction. It's interesting hearing what other toddlers are like because I have no idea what's normal/not normal or high-needs/just being a typical baby.

[almadianna]

for some kids this is totally do-able. for some it isnt.

my kids are polar opposites, kate still doesnt play independently well and she is almost 4. Calvin could play by himself since he learned that if he crawled away from me he was happier.