Grandma and a 9 mo. - Page 2

[confustication]

I'll be honest- with my first child, I was very very much the same way. I didn't let my daughter near the dogs etc and so on when we visited. Even at home, I had gates to separate our dog from the baby when I couldn't have my hands on one or the other.

As far as family and feelings, I had to deal with the fact that drawing the line about a beloved pet was a potential problem for an adult, but was in the best interest of my child. I would do the same with any dog who was not kid-friendly and comfortable.

Now? We have dogs, my parents have dogs- and I make it a point to let the dogs interact with the kids a lot so they are accustomed to each other. I don't really worry, and really, their dog and my toddler are best friends with a shared love of chasing the ball across the yard.

My brother also has a dog- he is not around often, and the dog is not used to baby/toddler sized people. I watch more carefully, and when I see any sign of stress, the dog is sent to his crate so he can 'escape' from prodding little people. If your grandmother's dog is not crate trained, maybe she has a room you can close the dog into when it is overwhelmed/less than thrilled.

The food issue would be a non issue here, but that has to do with this being kid #3 and the reality that his older brother shares anything he has with him anyway. There is no one food at a time approach here anymore. A happy day with and for grandma would be worth some exposure to standard food imo. Barring a specific food sensitivity, I'd let her hand him something and have him explore it and taste it. I would pack along what he usually ate, but I think I would relax my standards about organic/chemical free for a few hours. Specific sensitivities I would clearly explain, and refer to the 'The pediatrician said' approach.

[cristeen]

Thank you ladies. The visit had some tough moments, not helped by the fact that both boys were (unknowingly) coming down with colds.

The dog was definitely an issue, as was g'ma's handling of it. She insisted she would never let the dog bite him, yet had the dog on her lap bristling while encouraging the baby to come see the dog. I removed him from the situation and practiced the suggestion earlier to never have the two on the same plane.

I did find an easier solution though - plastic water bottles. The dog HATES the sound of them crinkling, and of course hand one to the baby, and what does he do? Crinkle it. So the dog would leave the room. Really the easiest way to deal with it. Once I realized that, I made sure the baby and I each had one at hand.

Food was an issue - g'ma tried to feed him cheerios and animal crackers both - after both DH and I had told her no last time. She knows he's not allowed wheat until 18 mos, but was still trying. She got all offended when I cut up a tomato I had brought with me for him, instead of giving him the tomato she had marinating in salad dressing - aside from the chemicals, I mean really... I'm the one that has to do the laundry, oil coated hands are not high on my priority list right now. But we got through it. And we will deal with the food issue probably every time we visit. She just doesn't care to understand my POV on the food issue - she's made that clear several times over the years.

Thank you so much for all the input.

[texmati]

cristeen! I'm so glad that that visit went ok. I need to eat my words-- this weekend I left my son with my parents for his first extended visit alone with them.

Even with all my begging and pleading and admonishments, I walk in to find both the dog and ds on the floor.

DS's great aunt tried to give him a hard candy (he's 9 months old!!! what was she thinking?), and I had to physically restrain her. literally.

Why do these people make it such a battle? it takes all the fun out of family gatherings.

[tzs]

smart thinking about the water bottles! beat that chihuahua at his own game!!!

[ErinYay]

Originally Posted by akind1

...I don't think keeping them separated for visits (for the whole visit) is the answer; the dog will probably only become more resentful and jealous.

If they get too rough or lick-y they go up. So maybe the chihuahua and your DS need to visit in small doses for a visit or two, and slowly lengthen the amount of time together they have.

Sorry, and I don't mean this as a criticism, but a warning. As a former dog trainer, this is pretty dangerous advice. Dogs don't have the capacity to feel human emotions like jealousy or resentment- the dog may not enjoy being penned, but it's not going to harm his psyche.

Babies are threatening to dogs, especially small dogs who haven't been well trained or socialized. The have giant heads and eyes, are at eye-level with the dog, and move oddly. They also do "foolish" things to dogs, like grab their faces, which is not favored by any but the sweetest, most gentle ones.

Allowing the dog to posture is asking for a bite. They're not going to work it out by themselves; the more time the dog has to menace the baby, the more the habit with become ingrained. Properly discipling a dog who is showing aggression (sound like fear-based aggression imo) is tricky, but nearly impossible for someone who apparently has no boundaries or limits in place for the dog anyhow. A small dog can do a remarkable amount of damage, physical and emotional, to a baby. Keeping them apart is absolutely the right thing to do, and personally, I would not go there unless the dog was contained in some way.

[mountainfeather]

Keeping them apart is absolutely the right thing to do, and personally, I would not go there unless the dog was contained in some way.

I am not a dog trainer, just a dog obsessive who loves training and learning about dog behavior.

Ditto what ErinYay said. I love dogs passionately. That said, I would not trust my little one with any dog except one that I knew very, very well (as well as I know my own dogs), and that I know adores babies. Not just tolerates babies, adores babies, and acts appropriately with them. I would not put my baby on the floor with any dog in most situations.

The dog being on G'mas lap puts the dog up higher than the baby, and gives it something to defend (G'ma's lap), and positions the dog for a nasty face bite if the baby pulls up on G'mas leg to visit G'ma.

The water bottle trick worked, but also increased the dog's stress. God forbid the dog ever ends up feeling cornered by the baby with the scary water bottle n his hand, a fear bite could result.

You are so nice to visit G'ma so often. It would be great if she could put the dog in another room just for the duration of your visit so that everyone can be safe and comfortable. It doesn't sound as if the chihuahua is having any fun either during these visits.