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would you be upset? uninvited from BD party after exposure to chicken pox - Page 2

post #21 of 185
Originally Posted by baglady View Post
Maybe it's more about the other kids at the party. She may be afraid that other parents will find out that she knew about the exposure and be upset that she didn't warn them. Or, maybe she's afraid others will find out before the party and not bring their kids.

That was my first thought.
and/or their parents who may not have had it as adults tend to get it much worse.
post #22 of 185
Her tone could use work, but I wouldn't be upset. When I get around to exposing my children to chicken pox I'm not going to feel like my feelings about it get to trump anyone else's feelings about it.
post #23 of 185
Originally Posted by AllisonR View Post
This, Regardless of whether she wants her own children exposed, or not, she needs to be respectful to everyone else she invited to the party.
yes. maybe someone has a suppressed immune system. it would be embarrassing, anyway, if a bd party turned into a "surprise" pox party.
post #24 of 185
MO that was rather rude, especially to come out-of-the-blue like that.
Maybe she expected that you would back out of the party since you exposed your kids to an illness and was put off that she had to tell you not to come. I think most people wouldn't send sick kids to a party. The whole Pox Party thing may be common here at MDC but in the world at large, most people try to keep sick kids home.

As for me, I would be furious if someone deliberately exposed their kids to something and then brought them to a slumber party with my kid and lots of others. My own child has a neurological issue that gets much worse when she's run down and sick, to the point of falling and needing help walking. She's already had mono this summer, she doesn't need this on top of it. And then how awkward would it be explaining to other kids' parents that yes, I knew your kids had been exposed to chicken pox but decided for all of them that I was comfortable with the "window." Yikes, no.

When you choose to expose your kids to chicken pox, you don't get to make that call for other parents. I know they shouldn't be contagious at the time of the party but my experience with this kind of thing is that those time frames are loose at best.
post #25 of 185
No I would not be upset, and I would have taken the steps to uninvite myself & kiddos first since it my choice to expose and recognize the consequences of that decision.

I agree though sending a quick text might not have been the best way to convey the message.
post #26 of 185
I think that when you choose to expose your kids to an illness and share that information you should expect people to want to limit contact with you.

As a non-vaxing parent I have always kept my kids away from known exposure to illness. Scientific thinking about dates of exposure, incubation, etc... really do not matter to me, I'm playing it safe rather than sorry. If I know your kid was sick, or was around something pretty catchy or something nasty that was "going around" (stomach bug comes to mind) I'm not hanging out with you for a bit. Windows between exposure and being contagious are pretty short and there is a lot of room for error when being used as a guide in the real world.

Your kid was exposed to chicken pox for the purpose of getting them sick so I would feel better avoiding your family for a month. I would have given you a call and asked you if you minded skipping the party and instead getting the kids together next month for a rain-check, after the kids have recovered.

As a non-vaxer I am pretty open minded about chicken pox parties and how others choose to handle common childhood illnesses. But, when I think about it, I can easily see how others, regardless of vax status, would get upset at a friend that accepted an invitation to come to a child's party and then purposely exposed themselves to a contagious illness that many fear enough to vax for.
post #27 of 185
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I would have uninvited my kids myself. A consequence of choosing to expose your kids is missing out on social stuff like this until the illness is gone.

yup - what she said.

I don't see any reason to be offended or upset.
post #28 of 185
i would not be upset
Posted via Mobile Device
post #29 of 185
I think that the right thing for you to do is to keep your kids away from people who shouldn't get chicken pox (pregnant moms, babies, elderly people) until you're sure that they're not contagious.
post #30 of 185
Originally Posted by Barbie64g View Post
I would have uninvited my kids MYSELF. Or if the party was that important, held off on the exposure to CP.
Yes, to that!
post #31 of 185
I wouldn't be offended in the least. Just as it was YOUR choice to expose your kids to CP at this time, it's HER choice not to.

I see no reason to be upset. It's simply natural consequences.
post #32 of 185
As a kid I did get exposed the CP at a B-day party, I would have liked to not have been considering I was one of those who has had a *severe* reaction to them(I probably would have gotten them anyway, but still).

If my kids were exposed I'd keep them home, it's not fun getting invited to a surprise pox party. I know first hand.

Her text didn't seem rude to me, it seemed to the point.
post #33 of 185
I wouldn't be upset either. You chose to expose and its not about if they are contagious or not that is besides the point. You should have univited yourself and not put it on her to do so. As far as the text message thing goes. Some services only allow so many characters and so shorter texts seem to be the norm. I know I send more short text vs complete proper sentences.

I also was exposed to chicken pox as a child at a gathering and so thats how I remember my Christmas that year. Yeah real fun for me having to miss out on some things because people figured it was no bid deal.
post #34 of 185
I was searching CP and found this thread.

I wouldn't be upset at being uninvited. Choosing to expose your own kids is one thing. Risking exposing others is another.

I knowingly exposed my oldest two and kept them home till after they had gotten and recovered from the CP.

Four of my younger kids were exposed at a playdate- a mom knew her kids had been exposed and she brought them anyway- and my four all got it. I was livid! My grandmother was dying from cancer and I was going home for her funeral when the kids got sick. My husband stayed home with the kids so I could go.

Because another parent could not keep her kids home from all the fun at a playdate, I had to attend my grandmothers funeral without my hubby there to lean on.

Choosing to expose your children to illness/disease means that you have to miss out on things like birthday parties and such. I think it's pretty crappy when parents decide what is okay for other kids to be exposed to.
post #35 of 185

I would have been understanding

My FIL recently had shingles because he was exposed to chicken pox as a child. He is the sole caretaker of my MIL who had a stroke 6 years ago. It was a real hardship for all of us. It interfered with his arthritis medication, and he had a staff infection he was trying to get rid of at the same time. MIL had to go to a rest home so he could get better. It was a very trying time for my dh. I remember having CP and I was miserable with it. Crying a lot. Now I am hoping not to get shingles as an elder.

So eventhough it is hard to be excluded, it is important to consider others fears and feelings
post #36 of 185
I wouldn't be upset. People have the right to do whatever makes them feel comfortable. Even if it seems silly to us, it is the other persons party. Wouldn't you want the same right to uninvite someone who was exposed to another illness?
post #37 of 185
Naaa. It wouldn't upset me. It's not your place to decide when other's get exposed to chicken pox. There might be an immune compromised child attending the party. It's always better to be safe than sorry.

On another note, I hope your kids all come down with it at the same time! It's actually a little fun to have it at the same time as everybody else. Tiring.. but, fun.
post #38 of 185
Originally Posted by iamama View Post
I would be miffed that yet again I witness ignorance and fear beats science and fact.
YESSS thank you!

a little OT:
What scares me is that with less and less children having the chicken pox today because of that vax, my children will have less of a chance of getting the disease, so it seems that exposing them purposefully is the only way to get it done and out of the way. So if you do not vax and do not expose and they do not get it, what is the plan then? It is so severe and dangerous in an adult.

I would have chosen to keep my kids home personally most likely, but wow, it's JUST CHICKEN POX PEOPLE?! I had them, my cousins, brother, family, we ALL HAD THEM. Why is this all of a sudden such a huge deal?

I had a horrid case of chicken pox. In my throat, vagina, ears, nose, eyelids, but hey, its done and over with. Those who are vaxed and unvaxed and not exposed cannot soundly say the same.

ETA- I would not be upset though at being uninvited. I can respect someone else's decisions even if I don't agree with them.
post #39 of 185
I did also want to add, maybe had the hostess made a call rather than a text and just talked it over with OP, it would have felt less, I don't know, exclusive?

Texting is the demise of interpersonal skills if you ask me, texting and Facebook. LOL
post #40 of 185
Thread Starter 
Well I do know this: next time I expose my children to something, I will NOT be telling ANYONE. I only told 2 people (fellow non-vaxers) that I thought might want to expose their children as well. I will not make that mistake again, next time if someone wants to expose their children, they can come to me when and if my children actually have the illness.

As far as I am concerned, it IS unreasonable for someone to completely ignore the time frame during which my children could be contagious. I have no problem with asking us not to attend an event if we were in the contagious window, or others choosing not to be around us in that time frame. When people just ignore the facts, I guess I do have a problem with that. There is not an issue of anyone who is immune compromised or adults who haven't had CP here, either with the party or anything else that has come up (it's a small community and I do know). I don't have a problem avoiding people who perhaps shouldn't be exposed, like someone who is due very soon and her 1 year old, or a baby who was born premature, or a newborn...during the contagious period, as a common courtesy. I do not see the need to avoid healthy vaccinated children, adults who have had CP, or the general public.

And I feel like all this becomes a bigger issue when I now have the choice of avoiding every situation where I'd normally come in contact with any of these people for several weeks (and there are quite a few, church 2x/week, a volunteer thing this weekend, playgroups, etc), or simply going about my business as usual and letting people choose to absent themselves and their entire families (including adult males who have already had CP, which is ridiculous IMO) because we are there when they know my kids could not be contagious. Perhaps from the middle of next week on when they could be contagious I'll choose differently, but not right now. It's chicken pox, not small pox, and really, would people have been acting this way 10 years ago (or however long ago it was) before the CP vaccine? I cannot imagine people simply stopped sending their children to school and doing anything socially for months out of fear of contracting CP when it was going around unless there were some extremely compelling reason like a immune suppressed individual.
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