Originally Posted by lilyka
idk. there are things I want in life. really really want.
Have you ever sat still and felt this wanting? Wanting something feels like you are reaching out for something and it is always out of reach. That is an energy in the pit of your stomach or in your chest. When you carry that around with you, that energy is the energy you bring to the table while you do anything and it makes your life substantially harder to live.
Now, as I've edited the OP to say, and I hope somebody is reading that, you often don't have to start with the specific problem that you are holding in mind and place the "I can't" on that and then say "See, a can't really is a can't." Like all of a sudden I say to myself "No matter how hard I try to I can't look like a Barbie Doll." (And I know, there are people who have struggled w/depression and conception, or have other seemingly insurmountable challenges who are going to argue b/c their problem is very real to them and will take offense at that example.)
You have to track back. All problems come from wanting one of four things. Wanting to be loved, wanting control, wanting safety/to be secure, and wanting a separate identity (or their opposites: wanting to be hated, wanting to be out of control, wanting to be in danger, and wanting to be one with someone else or the rest of the human race). You have to let go of the wanting to see what your goals really are. Am I sounding like a late night infomercial again? Check to see if you are put off by that, is your skepticism part of a larger persona that you keep up in order to be safe, to create an identity for yourself, to get approval from others? We actually have all the control, all the safety, all the love, and all the oneness that we could ever want, we are just under an error of perception that we don't have these things. And usually, we are the very ones who are withholding love from ourselves, so start with yourself, not what another person can give you.
And I'll repeat again what I added in the OP. This is all experiential. You have to experience for yourself moment by moment because now is the only reality there is, not something that happened in the past, not something that could happen in the future. I'm not judging anyone for what problems they face. I've got a lot of blocks of my own. I'm not screaming at anyone to get off their lazy butts like a drill sergeant. Please go back and read the OP.