Having a rough time balancing toddler, pregnancy and my poor dog

[YayJennie]

Mannie dog is such an awesome dog. Before my son Wyatt, he was my baby, And I treated him as such. He slept in our bed, went everywhere with me, and was pretty "spoiled", or "well loved" as we liked to say

However, now that I have a 15 month old, and especially now that I'm pregnant again, things have changed. Now we go to the playground and leave Mannie home sometimes. We don't take him on as many car trips because there's not enough room, and he stopped sleeping in the bed so we could co sleep with our son (Mannie is an 85 lb mutt...too big for a queen size bed with mom, dad and baby!) There's also other changes like baby gates all over the house, forbidding him from certain areas. He's no longer allowed in the kitchen at all, because Wyatt will try to feed him or Mannie will clean up scraps that are not good for him (he's supposed to be on a diet to lose a few pounds).

I know all this is hard on him. But he's driving me crazy. I've become a bad "mom" to my poor puppy. I yell at him all the time. Everything he does bothers me now. He won't calm down when I get home with a sleeping baby and wakes the baby up when I'm trying to bring him inside. I yell at Mannie. Mannie gets into the diapers/trash whenever he has access to them. I go nuts having to clean up dirty, dog chewed diapers. Mannie whines and barks every.single.time we leave the house without him. I'm having a really hard time dealing with all these newer behaviors. And even "normal" behaviors have become really difficult.

For instance: this past week was fourth of July. Mannie is terrified of fireworks. The poor dog was trembling in fear and kept jumping the baby gate to get upstairs to be with us. However, the bedrooms are the only air conditioned part of the house, so we have to keep our door closed. If we let him in, he'd want out, and if we kept him out, he'd want in. We ended up having to double baby gate the bottom of the stairs to keep him downstairs so he wouldn't wake the baby howling. I felt so bad, but the other thing is when he sleeps upstairs, I trip over him in the middle of the night when I have to get up to pee!

Another one: he has become unmanageably excited when people come over. To the extent that I have to lock him in the kitchen or he jumps all over and goes nuts, knocking down the kids and stuff. I hate doing this, but he's unruly! And this only started after Wyatt was born

We walk Mannie every single day without fail. Most days, 2-3 walks, for a half an hour each. When it's nice out, we bring him to the park to roam free of the leash (usually once or twice a week for an hour or so). He gets plenty of food and water, along with treats. We give him baths when he needs them, flea control, vet visits, grooming...we even make sure we love on him everyday by snuggling with him on the couch or giving him a good petting. But I still feel like the dog's needs are not being met.

Is this something others have gone through? Will the dog adjust with time? Is there anything I can do to make things easier for him? Any and all advice is welcome, I feel so bad for my dog, but he's also driving me nuts!

[ReadingMama]

I think this is a pretty common experience. And it's not so much the dog that's the problem--it's more the feeling of being overwhelmed by all the demands of new parenthood. The feeling that everyone (your toddler/partner/extended family/friends/dog/house) needs you so much and you are barely getting through the day. Life goes from fairly quiet and serene to chaotic and exhausting. And hardly anyone talks about it! Our pets pick up on our emotions and like young kids, instead of behaving better, they act up more in response.

But it gets better. It really does. It won't always be this hard.

I am not a trainer, but surely someone will offer you some tips soon. Your dog needs to learn the new rules of his life as it is now. I'm thinking that some time spent thinking about or writing down your rules for your dog is a first step. Then figuring out how to teach these new rules to your dog is another. Some consistency now will make things much smoother when you have baby #2. Perhaps some of your dog's behaviors are due to anxiety over not knowing what is and isn't ok for him to do now. Even if his life has more restrictions now than before kids (such as no more sleeping on the bed), he will feel more secure knowing where he stands--and if these new rules are consistently enforced, his behavior should improve.

Can your partner take more responsibility for the dog (or house!) for a while?

[Annie Mac]

I don't have any great advice either, but I do have a lot of sympathy. I have a fantastic dog too, who's being a bit neglected these days what with the baby. As time goes by though, I'm getting better at juggling everyone's needs. It might be one of those "time will fix it" type of problems.

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by YayJennie

Is this something others have gone through? Will the dog adjust with time? Is there anything I can do to make things easier for him? Any and all advice is welcome, I feel so bad for my dog, but he's also driving me nuts!

Yes, I've gone through it. And yes, I'm confident that like my dog, yours will adjust. He needs time to figure out the new pecking order and get into the new routine---new place to sleep, etc.

Is there any time of the day--maybe super early in the morning or after your DP is gets home--that you can go and be exclusively with Mannie? A little one-on-one time? A walk through a field where he can sniff around and pee on bushes and just hang with you? This helped immensely with my dog. He needed the reassurance that he was still my beloved firstborn. And above all, he needed to get out, stop obsessing over the new baby, and just be a DOG!

Oh, and this is totally not what you want to hear , but if you think you're dog is having a rough time....wait'll your tot meets the new sibling!

[YayJennie]

Originally Posted by ReadingMama

I am not a trainer, but surely someone will offer you some tips soon. Your dog needs to learn the new rules of his life as it is now. I'm thinking that some time spent thinking about or writing down your rules for your dog is a first step. Then figuring out how to teach these new rules to your dog is another. Some consistency now will make things much smoother when you have baby #2. Perhaps some of your dog's behaviors are due to anxiety over not knowing what is and isn't ok for him to do now. Even if his life has more restrictions now than before kids (such as no more sleeping on the bed), he will feel more secure knowing where he stands--and if these new rules are consistently enforced, his behavior should improve.

This is a great suggestion that I had not thought of. Thank you so much! My husband and I are going to sit down tonight and talk about rules for the dog and how to enforce them consistently. Awesome!

And Turquesa- I have noticed Mannie does better when I walk him alone in the morning (usually we walk with my son, which is a bit more restricting now that I have to use the stroller. It was nicer when I could wear him, but it's not comfortable for either of us anymore )

Thank you all for the responses, I really appreciate input on this! Keep it coming!

[buttercup784ever]

First of all, I'd like to congratulate you on not just deciding to put your dog on Craigslist or worse! So already you're doing a better job than a lot of people.

I don't have any advice per se. I didn't have a dog when my kids were that young. But I wanted to point out something that struck me in your post. You said your dog was 'spoiled' and said how he slept in your bed, went everywhere you did, etc. So basically, you taught him to expect that out of life.

Now you have a baby, and the lifestyle you taught your dog to expect is impossible for you to maintain now. He doesn't understand why you yell at him for trying to do things that were ok before, so I think that it will take time for him to learn the new way of life. Maybe you could speed things along by teaching him some cues. Like when you want him to go with you in the car, have a 'tradition' of calling him, getting his leash, and saying "let's go Mannie." That way he'll know when he's invited and won't expect to go everytime you open the front door.

Good luck!

[Sol_y_Paz]

Originally Posted by YayJennie

Mannie dog is such an awesome dog. ? Is there anything I can do to make things easier for him? Any and all advice is welcome, I feel so bad for my dog

Schedule play dates for your dog. If that isn't a possibility, consider doggie daycare a couple times a week. If you could make some time for him once a week, obedience or agility classes would be fun for you two and give him some exercise for his mind. Does he play fetch? That could help.
Also, get him some great chew toys, like Bully sticks or fill up some Kongs with special foods for him.