I need some moral support

[Super~Single~Mama]

I'm really sad right now. I want to go visit my family, but my ex refuses to agree to ANY schedule at all for August that would allow me to go, and our next court date isn't until the end of July.

Plane tickets aren't getting any cheaper (in like 2-3 days I won't be able to afford them anymore b/c the price keeps going up), and I know that the judge is likely to order that he gets vacation time with Lincoln in August, even if I don't. What really pisses me off is that if I don't get vacation time with Lincoln (when I can still afford plane tickets) then I have to WORK and my ex is going to have to babysit for me since the childcare center that I use is closed in August until classes start. Unfortunately, my parents don't just write me blank checks to pay all my bills - they've been helping since I've needed it, but they only help a finite amount. The rest I have to earn. By myself.

I just want to visit my family for 10 days - thats not so earth shattering is it?? It's not like I can just drive to see them whenever I want to either - they live 3,000 miles away. I have to make travel plans EARLY to go. I miss my family so much, and I'm so homesick for my best friend and her family. And I'm getting less and less hopeful that I'll get to go this summer

Not to mention, the only reason I can actually afford plane tickets in the first place is that I have a credit from having to cancel tickets before (ex got an order that ds couldn't leave the state) and it expires in December. Which means I HAVE to use it this year (I can give it to my parents if I want to thank goodness), and after August the soonest I'll be able to travel is March. Because I'll be a full time student this fall, and then I'll be studying for the stupid bar exam. I just want to see my family.

[Avani]

Can you negotiate with him. Like i get 10 days and then you do? Or go in ex parte and say you want to go visit your family with your son and the ex refuses to allow you. Maybe you could get an expediated order and go! Sorry, that must really, really suck. I can't imagine how frustrating and painful that must be.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I've been trying to negotiate, to the point that we sat down for 30-45 minutes hammering out a schedule, that he verbally agreed to, and now refuses to agree to in writing. So I can't buy tickets, and he's going to get everything that I agreed to give him most likely. Ugh. It SUCKS!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Ok, Seriously? I'm never supposed to go home with my son for a VISIT?????????????

And, I just realized that after this summer my next opportunity will be after my son turns 2 - so I won't be able to go anyway, b/c I'm not going to be able to get 2 tickets. Such bullshit.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Your ex is being very unreasonable right now. But honestly, should we expect any different from him? I remember how he used to talk to you when Lincoln was first BORN! This isnt new behavoir for him. But Im so sorry you have to put up with this. You should be allowed to go visit your family with your son.

What are his reasons for not agreeing to a 10 days trip? Is he accusing you of being a flight risk?

[Super~Single~Mama]

Oh, he'll agree - once the tickets are so expensive I can't afford to go. He has accused me of being a flight risk previously - but seriously? I'm a LAW STUDENT - I would never get accepted to the bar if I fled with our son. Not to mention, I wouldn't be able to graduate law school, or even SIT for the bar exam! Seriously - he's on crack.

I know he's mentally ill, but he's annoying the holy hell out of me right now. I just want to SEE my family - and all he can think of is screwing me over so that I don't ever get to leave NY state again. I hate this place.

[Phoenix~Mama]

I don't know what to say. I wish your ex wasn't such a UAV. I'm thinking of you and sending hugs, though I know they can't make up for not seeing your family.

I wish you didn't have to deal with this.

[Avani]

How about mediation? Would he do that with you. At least here if you go to a mediator they will help you sign agreements that could stand up in court. If he won't agree then maybe pressure him and say that if you file a order to show cause that he would be ordered by the court to attend mediation anyhow and he wouldn't be looking to good to the judge by being so difficult with you. Just a thought. He sounds awful!

[Avani]

So what is your current visitation schedule? And are there any guidelines on you leaving town with the baby?

[meemee]

thyra i sooooo feel you.

last year we almost made it. but my passport came late and i couldnt make it.

this year my ex kept playing wishy washy trying to control my life and he knows (we have nothing in writing) very well he can say no till dd is 12 - 5 more years.

i really miss my mom. we have really healed a lot of what was between us and i cant wait to see her in person. my dd misses her terribly too.

so this year instead of spending summer with mom, i am taking more summer classes

i could have gone without my dd - but i dont think seh is still ready to be away from me for a month or so.

[SoulCakes]

Thyra, I know this isn't the best suggestion, but if you're desperate to see your folks would you consider going without your little one?

[dziwozony]

Just a post of support & empathy...I live in a different country than my family & X has blocked me from obtaining passports for my 2 boys. I have a big family event late 2011 & I really really really want to go, & am hoping there is a change of heart by then.

So I feel for you, no advice as I am trying to work it out for myself. And I'm actually slightly considering what PP said, but I am hoping it doesn't come to that. Best of Luck to you...

[MissLotus]

I don't know what your current visitation schedule is until your court date, but can you simply get the tickets for August, without telling your ex - even if it's for less than ten days - and then when the court date comes, mention in court that you have tickets for those days you'd like to utilize so your child can visit his grandparents? I don't think that would be seen as unreasonable by a court. If you have time off then, and no daycare, then naturally that's when you'd go on vacation. It sounds like you're a custodial parent; you're allowed to have vacations with your kid! Sorry your ex is being so difficult, though.