Here's my story: I got married and a year later got pregnant and started graduate school. I gave birth to my son 2 months after I got my degree, an MS Ed Childhood Education 1-6. The hubby and I went back and forth about me being a SAHM and then we decided that I would stay home a year and then go back full-time to teach. I applied to over 30 schools and only got about 3 interviews and 2 offers: one to teach first grade but I decided to go with the offer to teach 6th grade math as a push-in teacher. I thought I wanted to teach older kids because I enjoyed that during my student teaching. Upon starting, the very first day, I learned I'd be teaching 6th and 7th grade. The 7th grade was an inclusion class (special ed + general ed kids). Many of these kids had some serious issues and were considered problem kids. As a first year teacher, I had very little support and many challenges in the classroom. I developed hives and was extremely stressed. After much thought, I quit after two months. I probably would have stayed on but my husband really pointed out that the suffering was not worth it. I thought I would just substitute teach for the rest of the school year and then look for another position for the next year. That April, I found out I was pregnant with my second son. I knew I didn't want to go back to work with a baby so young so I did not look for work. I've been at home ever since.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a SAHM because I really wanted to be or because that's kind of what I fell into. I can't really say I enjoy SAHMing because it feels like a never ending gig. Or, I do enjoy sometimes but most times I feel like there's very little reward for all the work I put in. I can appreciate the big picture but in the short run, it's kind of unrewarding. Kids don't really care how much effort it took to get them breakfast, get them to that swimming lesson at 9 and pack snacks/lunch and stuff. They don't appreciate the endless diaper changes and all that. And so . . . it's kind of difficult.
My teacher certification expired last month and I'm in the process of renewing it and that's what has triggered these feelings again. Had I been teaching, I would be going into my 5th year. I would have something to show for, if only just a step in my salary.
In hindsight, I can identify a few things that would have lessened the stress of teaching such as not bringing any work home no matter how much pressure administrators were putting on. I was salaried and therefore not paid for work I did after hours, at home on the weekend. That was a big huge stress. Also, I would have not been so upset about underperforming kids; wouldn't have been so tied up in passing kids who weren't really passing. I know it sounds bad . . . but I would have listened to veteran teachers who said you can only do what you can and leave the rest. So I'm kind of in an unsure place . . . Any insight? Thoughts? Experiences?
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a SAHM because I really wanted to be or because that's kind of what I fell into. I can't really say I enjoy SAHMing because it feels like a never ending gig. Or, I do enjoy sometimes but most times I feel like there's very little reward for all the work I put in. I can appreciate the big picture but in the short run, it's kind of unrewarding. Kids don't really care how much effort it took to get them breakfast, get them to that swimming lesson at 9 and pack snacks/lunch and stuff. They don't appreciate the endless diaper changes and all that. And so . . . it's kind of difficult.
My teacher certification expired last month and I'm in the process of renewing it and that's what has triggered these feelings again. Had I been teaching, I would be going into my 5th year. I would have something to show for, if only just a step in my salary.
In hindsight, I can identify a few things that would have lessened the stress of teaching such as not bringing any work home no matter how much pressure administrators were putting on. I was salaried and therefore not paid for work I did after hours, at home on the weekend. That was a big huge stress. Also, I would have not been so upset about underperforming kids; wouldn't have been so tied up in passing kids who weren't really passing. I know it sounds bad . . . but I would have listened to veteran teachers who said you can only do what you can and leave the rest. So I'm kind of in an unsure place . . . Any insight? Thoughts? Experiences?
Hugs, mama. I often wonder about my own choices and come to the same head-scratching conclusion. For example, why do I always check in at the SAHM threads when I woh and wah? I quit my "day job" at the end of summer last year, only to go back to it mid-winter. They called, I was bored and ready to work again. Fast-forward and I am working more hours than I have in a long time, totally burned out and just about ready to quit again.
For me, I think it has to do with feeling appreciated. I feel incredibly undervalued at home. I run one of those crazy households where we grow our own food (even the meat!), I bake our bread, milk the goats, scrub the old floors of the old farmhouse by hand, preserve food, etc. My dh works a job that requires months' worth of travel over the year, leaving me with whatever seasonal work is out there. No reasonable person would feel driven to woh/wah on top of it all. But I do.
