can't settle/soothe 3.5 month old - what is going on?!

[Ldogg]

Up until a couple weeks ago, DD was a great sleeper. Diaper change, swaddle, nurse, sing, rock, and she was out like a light. The whole thing took 20 minutes. We often got a 6-hour stretch in the first part of the night, then every 2 hours or so.

These days, it's a totally different story. We get a 4-hour stretch, and then lots of restless sleeping and on-and-off waking. But the past couple nights she has pulled out all the stops. Here's what our bedtime ritual looked like tonight:

First tried to calm her down by walking around the house, saying 'goodnight' to everything... sort of a pre-bedtime ritual to set the mood. I then tried to do the normal routine, but she fought me every step of the way. Thrashed around in the swaddle, so I finally took her out of it and she just continued to thrash and wiggle. Popped on and off while nursing (while trying to babble away), gumming me every now and then HARD (is this teething? already??). Rocking and singing to her was almost comical--she wasn't paying the least bit of attention, instead just focusing on crying/thrashing. Tried letting her suck on my pinky finger, no luck there. After many repetitions like this, I re-swaddled her and got her to nurse again, this time she was more settled and finally chilled out and got sleepy.

What is going on? Is this the "I'm all of a sudden aware of the world" kind of phase? And/or developmental milestones, so it's harder to relax? She's been harder to put down for naps lately too, and she has absolutely no pattern that I can tell of when she gets sleepy and how long she'll sleep for.

Oy. I'm sure all of this is normal, but what the heck do I do about it??

[Knitting Mama]

Sure sounds like the very common and very hated 4 month sleep regression to me, just a little bit early!

I don't know what you should do about it since my first is only 3 months old, but at least now you know what to Google!

[Friendlee]

I was thinking the 4 month sleep regression thing, too. However, teething is certainly a possibility. My dd started gumming like mad at that age and I think that her teeth were painfully shifting below the surface. That kind of thing can last a few days, then be better for a few days, then come back, and so on. We didn't actually get teeth until 6 months but a Hyland's Teething Tablet sure did make her feel better for the couple of months before she got those teeth!

The good news is, babies don't typically just up and change their personalities, so I don't think you have an unsettled baby for good. They are CONSTANTLY going in and out of equillibrium and disequillibrium as their skills develop. When they develop some stuff, they feel content and in control for a little bit. But then that gets old and they are on the brink of needing to learn something more and they're often cranky or generally unsettled during that phase of disequillibrium.

What day did this start? I would mark 2 weeks from the start date on the calendar and then ask yourself if it is STILL going on. Usually, things flare up and wind back down over approximately 2 weeks. The tough part is losing the control and predictability as the adult when they seem sort of haywire with their sleeping and stuff. I had to adopt the Baby Whisperer's E.A.S.Y. schedule just so I could keep track of which way was up during times like these, even though I have a very mild-mannered and mellow little girl.

So long as you do your best to feed her, she has a clean diaper, the temperature is comfortable,, etc...all you can do is be patient and continue to try the humming and soothing even while the baby thrashes and whines.

Good luck.

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama

Sure sounds like the very common and very hated 4 month sleep regression to me, just a little bit early!

I don't know what you should do about it since my first is only 3 months old, but at least now you know what to Google!

It's enough to make you crazy, isn't it?

[jsh7809]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama

Sure sounds like the very common and very hated 4 month sleep regression to me, just a little bit early!

I don't know what you should do about it since my first is only 3 months old, but at least now you know what to Google!

God, I wish I hadn't read this - I'm still trying to pretend it's all downhill from here! (3 months)

No advice except to reiterate the patience and knowing it will change. Every time I start thinking, "okay, this is what works, this is what's happening now", the baby throws me a curveball and changes...

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by Friendlee

I was thinking the 4 month sleep regression thing, too. However, teething is certainly a possibility. My dd started gumming like mad at that age and I think that her teeth were painfully shifting below the surface. That kind of thing can last a few days, then be better for a few days, then come back, and so on. We didn't actually get teeth until 6 months but a Hyland's Teething Tablet sure did make her feel better for the couple of months before she got those teeth!

The good news is, babies don't typically just up and change their personalities, so I don't think you have an unsettled baby for good. They are CONSTANTLY going in and out of equillibrium and disequillibrium as their skills develop. When they develop some stuff, they feel content and in control for a little bit. But then that gets old and they are on the brink of needing to learn something more and they're often cranky or generally unsettled during that phase of disequillibrium.

What day did this start? I would mark 2 weeks from the start date on the calendar and then ask yourself if it is STILL going on. Usually, things flare up and wind back down over approximately 2 weeks. The tough part is losing the control and predictability as the adult when they seem sort of haywire with their sleeping and stuff. I had to adopt the Baby Whisperer's E.A.S.Y. schedule just so I could keep track of which way was up during times like these, even though I have a very mild-mannered and mellow little girl.

So long as you do your best to feed her, she has a clean diaper, the temperature is comfortable,, etc...all you can do is be patient and continue to try the humming and soothing even while the baby thrashes and whines.

Good luck.

Wow. I couldn't agree more!! Where were you when my DS was doing this at 2 months old?
He's a little over 4 months now and is learing new stuff like rolling over and really trying to crawl. At one time, he would sleep for 9 hours straight - practically through the night, but now he's up at least maybe 2 times but only for short periods to eat. And I really do think it has a lot to do with the fact that his little body is learning new stuff, he's excited about it and it's throwing him off a bit. He's always been a fusser, though, before he falls asleep, so that is what it is, but sleeping at night, the schedule/timing will eventually regulate itself.

[Knitting Mama]

Yes, it could be teething too! Cecilia definitely has started that at 3 months old!

[basje]

hmmm, it sounded like you tried to put your LO to bed before they started showing they were sleepy? Is that typical? Is everyone doing this, like at a certain time or something? Interesting...

With my little one I wait until she starts showing signs she's tired, then we nurse until she falls lightly asleep and cuddle for a while before I get back up or move her from my arms to our bed. When she goes to bed is anywhere from 8:30 to 11:00 but she goes to bed easy when she's already got that puffy eyed, dead weight thing going.

Good luck~

[1blueheron]

nak

she may be ready to ditch the swaddle

[Ldogg]

1blueheron, we were thinking just the same thing about ditching the swaddle... so we've moved to keeping one arm out to see what that does - she has a strong need to suck so we were hoping she would try to soothe herself with her fingers/thumb... but she doesn't seem quite coordinated enough yet. I'm hoping soon, though! She can definitely get her thumb fully in her mouth to suck, but she's not good at keeping it there. (DH has tried naps without the swaddle at all, and she can sleep for a short while that way--just not long.)

The past few nights of sleep have been *terrible*! She fights us every step of the way. I'm totally exhausted.

[ciga]

I've been having very similar issues with my 3.5 month old. I used to literally just swaddle him at 6 or 7pm when he started getting fussy or having sleepy face and walk away at night. He'd sleep good stretches and we'd come to bed whenever but mostly have the night to ourselves. It was so easy. Then starting a couple weeks ago bedtime turned into a huge battle. Often there is no consoling him. He's obviousley exhausted but can't deal. DH and I take turns trying to rock, calm, swaddle, cuddle, nurse, whatever and he won't settle until we ALL go to bed. He was mostly still sleeping decent stretches but was waking up for good earlier. I don't know why I say "was" because its still happening. This morning he slept til 7:30am and I felt like I was in heaven. Last night he wouldn't go to sleep until after 10pm and it was in my arms because he refused to settle in bed.

I didn't know there was an official "4 month sleep regression". Somehow that is calming.

edit---oh, and we ditched the swaddle for a while during the heat wave but tried it again yesterday and, at least for naps, it seemed to work out well.

[zannster]

I haven't had trouble with getting my DD to stay asleep at night, but the initial getting to sleep has been a battle lately, including at naptimes. It's not a matter of her not being tired, because she's cranky and rubbing her eyes. I've never heard of a 4 mo sleep regression - I don't think DS had it. I guess I'd better go look it up...

[AJHCFamily]

I came here to write this post exactly. Babe is 14 weeks and we just got back from a week away although it started before we left. Bedtime has turned into 10 or 11 pm by the time he crashes. I'll finish reading the replies to see if I get any ideas.

Also DS is a super screamer when upset, which before this point was rare. He can deafen the block and make my nerves go shaky. He also started to roll belly to back, lift his head/shoulders off the back of the carseat, and have interest in toys/playing so I'm guessing it's developmental. I just don't know what to do when the screaming starts. None of the obvious things seem to work and he ends up getting so overtired/gassy from gulping air between screams.

Originally Posted by Ldogg

Up until a couple weeks ago, DD was a great sleeper. Diaper change, swaddle, nurse, sing, rock, and she was out like a light. The whole thing took 20 minutes. We often got a 6-hour stretch in the first part of the night, then every 2 hours or so.

These days, it's a totally different story. We get a 4-hour stretch, and then lots of restless sleeping and on-and-off waking. But the past couple nights she has pulled out all the stops. Here's what our bedtime ritual looked like tonight:

[1blueheron]

iirc around that time we stopped swaddling and actually had to let her stretch and wiggle around a bit on her own to get comfortable before she'd sleep. sometimes after that she still wants to be picked up for the last slide into unconsciousness, but sometimes not. took me forever to figure out that she wanted "down," being so used to rocking her to sleep.

or it could totally be teething. early but not insanely uncommon. babies are mysterious!

[Quinalla]

Yeah, I would try putting her down too. Sometimes that is what my DD wants when she gets like that, just needs a few minutes to roll around or babble to herself and then I pick up my bedtime routine when she gets tired of that and she is a lot calmer.

[Ldogg]

That's a good idea about just putting her down when she gets all wiggly -- oddly, I hadn't thought of that before! But maybe just letting her thrash away will burn off some steam. Here's hoping!

[1blueheron]

last night i put DD down, she spent a good 5 minutes smacking a stuffed animal onto the mattress, then rolled over and went to sleep.