Do you ever lose patience?

[Tway]

DD was up in the middle of the night again last night, tossing and turning and kicking with no signs of going back to sleep. DH and I tried everything to get her down, and we were all up from 3:00 till about 5--after about 2 hours sleep beforehand. Now, I'm nowhere near as tired as I was the first six months, and DD is teething, but by hour 2 I was at my wit's end.

I feel awful about it in the morning, but when I'm exhausted and can't figure out what to do to get her to sleep, I get angry and start to irrationally think "hey, I give you everything you need ALL DAY LONG, EVERY DAY! Can I at least sleep so we can do it all again tomorrow??" I've even given my pillow a good punch and then asked DD very emphatically to "PLEASE go to SLEEP!". Then she looks at me with confused eyes and I feel terrible and guilty.

Last night I even put her into her crib for 5 minutes (where she cried, although I stayed beside her) because I needed a time out. Then in the morning my darling girl is all smiles for me and I can't believe I got that angry and lost my patience.

Is it just me? I thought mothers came with unlimited amounts of patience and nothing but love and affection for their babies. But sometimes I feel like my supply has run out and I want to sprint out the door (preferably to a hotel with a good bed).

Help!!

[mommariffic]

I loose my patience at least 3x per day

Nobody is perfect, seriously. Even the most zen earth momma can want to punch someones lights out, especially when little/no sleep is involved. I've got a 1 week old & a toddler and I find that my happy moments farrr outweigh the moments where I want to hide in the bathroom with a book.

Your DD is never going to remember you telling her to go to sleep, so don't sweat it...I literally say this to my own DD every night as she's asking for one more story, or ONE more drink of water and I'm ready to burst.

[nola79]

Umm, it's not just you. I get very frustrated, it's so hard when they're not verbal. I think you're doing the right thing, you're not hurting her, you're just frustrated. It happens.
Whenever I get frustrated with dd, DH takes over (if he's home, if not I suck it up and deal with it). Vice versa if he gets frustrated. Maybe ya'll can switch off?

[Tway]

Thanks, guys. DH usually puts her down to bed, but he was out tonight--so my day was super looooong. But last night he got up and walked her around while I did some deep breathing and tried not to blame poor DD for everything from my tiredness to the washing not getting done.

[belltree]

The best advice that was given to us as parents was that only one of us can go nuts at a time. If I am exhausted and reaching limits, dh kicks in and vice versa. There is not point in both of you running around, bouncing and rocking the babe.

I also found, that once I accept things as they are things get better.

[busymama77]

I've been there myself as I'm sure most mamas have. When my YDS was first born and we were getting used to having a NB in the house again, I was getting used to BF'ing again, and just getting things back to normal, it was rough. Much more rough than it was with my first. There were nights when DH was out of town, I would text him at 3am, complaining about DS not sleeping, freaking out over what I should do, etc., etc., There were times I would put my head in a pillow and scream, then cry (after he was finally asleep and I was back in my bed). It was awful. I felt so drained. I felt like a failed mama. And then, like you, I would wake up to find my sweet boy looking at me, cooing, smiling, just being the best baby ever. We just had a fussy baby - plain and simple. He was adjusting just like we were adjusting.

Now, we have the sweetest little guy ever. So happy, thriving, sleeping great, eating great. Never thought we would get through the rough times, but we did and I can't believe it's 2 months since this all happened.

[snoopy5386]

yes, absolutely, especially in the middle of the night. With DD1 she never slept and we had some dark, dark times in the middle of the night where I said much, much worse things to her. With DD2 because we have another kid we are both worn more thin and yes sometimes we both get annoyed/mad at her. We know she is just a baby and can't help it but sometimes that doesn't matter.
You will get through it. She will sleep someday.

[marinak1977]

middle of the night is tough. Hang in there. I have caught myself being exasperated when DS just won't settle. It passes though, and it really helps if DH steps in and gives me a break.

[dislocator3972]

I do that regularly. Not every night, but way more often than I'm comfortable with. Lately, as soon as I feel my blood pressure rising I 'tag' DH into the ring and roll over and give myself some time to chill. Either he takes care of the problem and when DD goes to sleep I'm relaxed enough to go to sleep as well, or when DH gets tired and DD gets more antsy, I'm organized enough to tag myself back in.

I read about one couple who used the Vegas rule for their marriage - what happened in the nighttime stayed in the nighttime. It may not be perfect modeling of a relationship for my kids if I snap at my husband, but it's better than saying/doing something mean to my kid. (I'm not implying that you would, just that it does happen to some of us.)

HTH

[JordanKX]

Originally Posted by belltree

The best advice that was given to us as parents was that only one of us can go nuts at a time. If I am exhausted and reaching limits, dh kicks in and vice versa. There is not point in both of you running around, bouncing and rocking the babe.

I also found, that once I accept things as they are things get better.

THIS.

DP has been recently working nights again (which he did DS's first 5 months) and when I'm alone dealing with Whatever, I'm pretty good at accepting it. I have a moment of complete freak out at being awakened for the X time. And then some weird rationality kicks in where I accept that DS is in pain (teething); something's going on and he Needs me. And I gotta be there.
(I'm not saying it's easy, but from some place way deep in me, it comes out)

When DP is home, it's another story. Because things are suddenly about our relationship - how many times I've been up vs him; how long I've been with the baby today vs him. And all that momma-rationale goes away because I'm frustrated with DP. Granted... he's gotten a lot better in the past few months, where we rotate night wakings, and we rotate sleeping in the next day.

But to answer your question... SURE, patience sometimes isn't even a logical word.

(speaking of... he just woke up...)

[Addie]

Originally Posted by Tway

Is it just me? I thought mothers came with unlimited amounts of patience and nothing but love and affection for their babies. But sometimes I feel like my supply has run out and I want to sprint out the door (preferably to a hotel with a good bed).

It's not just you.

Trust.

We are mothers and we may have all those things most of the time, but at the end of the day we're only human. There's always another day.

[belltree]

Last night was one of these nights for me. DS kept waking up every 20min, wanting boobies. If I tried inching away from him, he'd stir, search and sniff for the boobs and latch himself on again. Then finally at 2.30 he slept for 90min in a row - but now I was awake and so frustrated with him and myself and dh (for not being able to nurse!).... *sigh*

Luckily I remembered he's just having another growthspurt at almost 37weeks and he did the same thing for a couple of days last growthspurt.

[AndtheStars]

all.the.time

I get sooo frustrated with DS in the middle of the night. I do all the nighttime parenting (which might be part of the problem, but that's a whole other thread) and after the nth wakeup, I'm just ready to scream. I do comfort myself with the fact that DS will not remember his bear of a mama and that someday, I will sleep again. And if I have an awful night, it means that I get to drink coffee the next day. That's my carrot.

[blessedwithboys]

When ds1 was a newborn and I was a 17yo single mother, I recall nights where he wouldn't sleep with the light off and wouldn't sleep laying down and I got so tired of sitting upright in a brightly lit room trying to sleep while holding him in the sling (so I wouldn't drop him from exhaustion) that I actually would have to clench my fists and stick them under my legs just to keep control of my hands. I would be crying so hard that it would sometimes turn into an actual scream. Not at ds, just a howl to let off steam.

I never hurt him physically and I never let him CIO. And I think it's a miracle that I can sit here 15 years later and say that I avoided both of those things!

[Tway]

Originally Posted by dislocator3972

I do that regularly. Not every night, but way more often than I'm comfortable with. Lately, as soon as I feel my blood pressure rising I 'tag' DH into the ring and roll over and give myself some time to chill. Either he takes care of the problem and when DD goes to sleep I'm relaxed enough to go to sleep as well, or when DH gets tired and DD gets more antsy, I'm organized enough to tag myself back in.

I read about one couple who used the Vegas rule for their marriage - what happened in the nighttime stayed in the nighttime. It may not be perfect modeling of a relationship for my kids if I snap at my husband, but it's better than saying/doing something mean to my kid. (I'm not implying that you would, just that it does happen to some of us.)

HTH

Thanks to all of you for responding, and thanks especially for this. That's my experience in a nutshell. Sometimes I feel my blood just boil and all my anger and frustration seems momentarily justified.

Thankfully DH is there to take over a lot, and since he's been putting DD to bed, a HUGE burden has been lifted off my shoulders (I just couldn't take night after night of nurse, rock, put down, start over anymore).

[cristeen]

IMO any mom that says she doesn't ever lose patience either qualifies for sainthood or is lying.

I've been known to lose patience during the day, particularly lately when all he wants is to climb all over me and I'm touched-out (and it's WAY worse when I'm not getting much sleep). I'm not proud of it, but there are times I have to put myself in a time-out, which unfortunately means he has to cry for a few minutes because mommy puts him in the jumper or locks him on the other side of the baby gate (we don't have a crib).

[jennybear]

Of course not. DD is a BABY. What kind of mother gets frustrated with an infant?







JUST KIDDING. Of course I get frustrated sometimes. There's nothing worse than wanting to sleep and being unable to do so. It feels like you're being tortured by a tiny dictator.

Could you & DH switch off during the night? At least one of you should be sleeping when she's up. ;-)

[Pookietooth]

Yes, I have gotten angry too and it's not pretty. I don't do well with sleep deprivation. Try some Natural Calm (magnesium), it will help you both sleep better. You might even try moving your baby out of your bed to see if she sleeps better (or vice versa if she's not cosleeping).

[boomer78]

I have lost it many, many times and will lose it many more. I'm not nice to DH at times but can't control myself. I cried with DD during the first few weeks (of her not ever sleeping and always crying). She is older now and more easily distracted. But still. I get frustrated at times when she's screaming and I NEED to do something. Because it will take me much longer since I can't even think straight. And then when she looks at me my heart melts.