Non-traditional (CASH) shower for 3rd baby?

[laurabfig]

For some reason, I feel weird about friends asking about planning a shower for me, since this is our 3rd child. (We moved here 4 years ago- after we had had both our older kids, so this would be our first shower with these friends.) We had passed on ALL baby stuff several years ago, not thinking we were going to have more children- so we do need the basics again. I just feel strange...like I don't "deserve" it or something b/c we already had 2 children. Some of my resistance to the idea is that I remember getting so much stuff that we didn't need or end up using- and I'm nesting and trying to de-clutter, not fill up the house with stuff we don't need. My husband and I would love to do a shower where people just chip in some cash to help us buy used stuff from thrift stores and off craigslist, but somehow I can't figure out how to make this not tacky?? I hate the whole idea of all the consumerism around baby-hood, and I love the idea of buying everything used. Is there any way to do this tastefully? (I figure it is sort of equal to a registry but lets us have freedom to buy things second-hand.)
Any recommendations/ideas/experiences to share?

[Tresa]

Are you comfortable with people buying stuff FOR you secondhand? Like, do you trust their judgement in terms of how well the stuff has been kept up, its level of cleanliness, etc? You could express your preference for people to not spend money on new stuff or explain your situation to your friends who are insisting on the shower.

I think asking for a cash shower might be a bit much, but you could make your preferences known. Maybe people could donate their used stuff at your shower or something like that.

[mistymama]

I don't really think there is any way you can ask for a cash shower without it rubbing some people the wrong way. Truth is, people like to buy new things for you at showers - and at least in my experience from ds, rarely did most of them even buy off my registry!

This time, ds is going on 8 and we gave away our baby stuff long, long ago. We are also starting over, but I made it pretty clear I don't want a shower. The friends and family members that want to give gifts will do it regardless, and I'm using my Mom to help direct them to some of the things we actually need. But most things I've found off craigslist and we've just bought ourselves.

Maybe instead of a cash shower, you could do something like a freezer meal shower where everyone brings a meal you can freeze. That will be helpful, and will avoid all the junk you receive at showers, and you can still get what you need secondhand. Just a thought.

[EFmom]

There is no way to make asking for cash for a shower for a third child not tacky. Sorry, but if it walks like a duck...

[BreakfastyMichele]

Instead of asking for or accepting a shower, you could email your mama friends and ask if anyone else was decluttering her house and had used stuff to give or sell you. For your bargain-hunter friends, perhaps ask them to keep an eye out for big-ticket items at garage sales and thrift stores too.

It doesn't need to be a gift to be helpful!

Good luck (and congratulations!)

[RedOakMomma]

I don't think you can ask for cash politely.

But you CAN ask for re-used goods only. Use one of the online baby shower sites (like the Alternative Gift Registry online), and where you fill out what you need, you can ask for hand-me-downs, second-hand stuff, rummage sale finds, freezer meals, help with yard work, etc.

I had a mostly re-used baby shower for our first, and it was fantastic.

[rparker]

I read about a baby shower recently (maybe on here?) where the guests came over and deep cleaned the mother's house instead of bringing gifts... maybe that would irritate your nesting instinct less?

[rootzdawta]

I agree, no way to ask for cash tactfully. I think you will get money from true friends anyway because everyone knows that money is always needed and that they know they won't offend you by giving you money. I give my close friends with new babies $100 no matter what child they're on.

[ledzepplon]

Sorry, I think asking for cash is in poor taste. But you could have the hostess spread the word that gently used hand-me-downs would be welcomed!

[laurabfig]

Originally Posted by RedOakMomma

I don't think you can ask for cash politely.

But you CAN ask for re-used goods only. Use one of the online baby shower sites (like the Alternative Gift Registry online), and where you fill out what you need, you can ask for hand-me-downs, second-hand stuff, rummage sale finds, freezer meals, help with yard work, etc.

I had a mostly re-used baby shower for our first, and it was fantastic.

I had no idea that the Alternative Gift Registry existed!!!! THANK YOU for this link!!! This is exactly what I had been dreaming of... I actually told this very idea to my husband and wanted to "invent" something like that online but am not at all tech-y so had no clue how to even begin to create something like that for the general public to use!
I think that will be the perfect answer to my dilemma.
Thanks for all the input everyone.

[mivvy]

sorry if i'm a bit late on this but i was looking for an answer i had posted before, but couldn't find it...anyways, i think the site you want to check out is www.depositagift.com.

it's a cash gift registry service that let's you register for all sorts of gifts that people can contribute monetarily too. it's really cute and easy to use. i had actually created a registry with alternative gift registry before i found this one and then i switched because i felt it was less complicated and felt more like a regular registry that people were used to. and i also liked that they offer printable gift certificates at checkout so that it can be given as a real gift for those that want to be able to hand you something. we've been really happy with ours-- i would definitely check it out!

[laurabfig]

Originally Posted by mivvy

sorry if i'm a bit late on this but i was looking for an answer i had posted before, but couldn't find it...anyways, i think the site you want to check out is www.depositagift.com.

it's a cash gift registry service that let's you register for all sorts of gifts that people can contribute monetarily too. it's really cute and easy to use. i had actually created a registry with alternative gift registry before i found this one and then i switched because i felt it was less complicated and felt more like a regular registry that people were used to. and i also liked that they offer printable gift certificates at checkout so that it can be given as a real gift for those that want to be able to hand you something. we've been really happy with ours-- i would definitely check it out!

I had NO idea this one existed either!!! Thanks for all these great websites!!! Maybe we'll just do both and people can choose what they want to do.

I'm sad there is some glitch on the alternative gift registry webpage and I can't add any items to my registry ...I'm so anxious to get started b/c I'm so excited these exist! for alternatives to babies r us and target!

[Jamilie]

I've been looking into registries too (even though I'm not due for awhile ) and we're the same way--we really prefer used or handmade gifts.

I also loved Alternative Gift Registry and tried to set up a registry there, but I got the same glitch. Someone in another thread mentioned www.wishpot.com, and it looks like you can use it just like the Alternative Gift Registry, so I think I'll do that

[laurabfig]

Originally Posted by Jamilie

I've been looking into registries too (even though I'm not due for awhile ) and we're the same way--we really prefer used or handmade gifts.

I also loved Alternative Gift Registry and tried to set up a registry there, but I got the same glitch. Someone in another thread mentioned www.wishpot.com, and it looks like you can use it just like the Alternative Gift Registry, so I think I'll do that

I emailed the alternative gift registry and they said it is usually an issue with your web browser. Sure enough- when I switched from using safari to firefox, no problem at all. They said there are often problems with safari and google browsers.

I'll check out wishpot too...