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husband vaccinated my 20 mo old - Page 2

post #21 of 129
If may calculations are correct, eight separate shots would be every injectable vaccine available to that age group in single shot form (Hep B, DTaP, Hib, Pneumococcal, Polio, MMR, Varicella, and Hep A). I can't imagine why a health care provider would give them all at the same time much less in single shot form. Also, if he got eight shots, it would have been hard to overlook. There are often needle marks and lumps. I could see not noticing one or two, but not eight. I'd call the health dept. and find out exactly what your son was vaccinated for because that just doesn't sound right.
post #22 of 129
I wouldn't divorce over vaccinations, but I'd be concerned about an obvious lack of communication between the two of you. I'd also consider that perhaps he really did intend to only get the polio vax, and then was pressured by the doctor into "catching up" and getting them all.
post #23 of 129
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisCat View Post
If may calculations are correct, eight separate shots would be every injectable vaccine available to that age group in single shot form (Hep B, DTaP, Hib, Pneumococcal, Polio, MMR, Varicella, and Hep A). I can't imagine why a health care provider would give them all at the same time much less in single shot form. Also, if he got eight shots, it would have been hard to overlook. There are often needle marks and lumps. I could see not noticing one or two, but not eight. I'd call the health dept. and find out exactly what your son was vaccinated for because that just doesn't sound right.
Well. I looked at the shot card yesterday and there were 8 stamps all with Tuesdays date. Of course, I intermediately checked for marks. I did find 6 small shot marks on his legs, no swelling or lumps. And no, I did not notice them until I looked for them yesterday. It might not not "sound right" because its not right.

ds did nurse a lot on Tuesday, he was fussy and hard to put to sleep. I thought it was teething and just cuddled and nursed. I had no idea what trauma he'd been through earlier that day.

I have called the health dept and the supervisor is supposed to be calling me back.
post #24 of 129
That makes me angry just thinking about the betrayal and hurt he has heaped upon you. I really don't have any advice about how to help your child either but I feel for you.

Divorce would definately be an option if I were in your shoes, as you don't seem to be on the same page any more, and who knows what the future holds (in terms of what he's willing to keep from you, how he doesn't respect your opinion, etc). If you're not happy then i think divorce makes sense because, as we all know, if mama's not happy then no one is.

Big hugs as you navigate through this,
Leanne
post #25 of 129
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CherryBomb View Post
I'd also consider that perhaps he really did intend to only get the polio vax, and then was pressured by the doctor into "catching up" and getting them all.
I think that is exactly what happened. dh said he'd intended on only getting the polio vax. It does not change what he allowed them to do, or that he did it behind my back and tried to hide it.
post #26 of 129
Ok wait, he lied to you and never even told you that he did it.


um, I can't post what I'm thinking but boy would he be in trouble.
post #27 of 129
To all the people suggesting divorce, how is the OP supposed to protect her children when divorced and he gets time with the kids? I understand the motivation and outrage, really I do. But the OP will have even less control of what happens to her kids if they spend 1/2 time with dad. Only real choice to completely remove him from their lives is to go underground, and I tend to doubt that is going to happen.

If he is that untrustworthy, the last thing I'd want is him alone with the kids for days on end. I'd rather pretend I had a change of heart on vaxing and tell him I'm doing it and fake shot records if he asks than give him the kids part time alone.
post #28 of 129
Wow, I am so shocked to read this!! I hope you can both get into counseling. It would be so hard for me to trust my husband after something like this!
post #29 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
To all the people suggesting divorce, how is the OP supposed to protect her children when divorced and he gets time with the kids? I understand the motivation and outrage, really I do. But the OP will have even less control of what happens to her kids if they spend 1/2 time with dad. Only real choice to completely remove him from their lives is to go underground, and I tend to doubt that is going to happen.

If he is that untrustworthy, the last thing I'd want is him alone with the kids for days on end. I'd rather pretend I had a change of heart on vaxing and tell him I'm doing it and fake shot records if he asks than give him the kids part time alone.
Not sure I agree with this. That would mean OP lives a life of duplicity, where her opinions are not valued or heeded. What is done is done with the vaccinations. I understand that as a divorced parent sharing custody, dad could continue to give his child vaccinations without mother's consent. However, this goes beyond vaccinations. Yes, she may not be able to remove him from their lives, but she can make a decision to NOT continue in a marginalizing relationship. She can provide an environment where her son will see that men shouldn't treat women the way her husband treated (and will continue to treat) her. She can find another partner who respects her as a person and values her input, and she can provide that example for her child.
post #30 of 129
The way he went about it is what would be the deal breaker to me. If I couldn't protect my child while married, I don't see much point in staying married to someone who felt it was appropriate to treat myself and my child that way.
post #31 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pirogi View Post
Not sure I agree with this. That would mean OP lives a life of duplicity, where her opinions are not valued or heeded. What is done is done with the vaccinations. I understand that as a divorced parent sharing custody, dad could continue to give his child vaccinations without mother's consent. However, this goes beyond vaccinations. Yes, she may not be able to remove him from their lives, but she can make a decision to NOT continue in a marginalizing relationship. She can provide an environment where her son will see that men shouldn't treat women the way her husband treated (and will continue to treat) her. She can find another partner who respects her as a person and values her input, and she can provide that example for her child.
Personally, I'm willing to sacrifice myself to protect my child, and if divorcing means that I lose even more ability to protect my kids, you can bet I'd choose to live a life of duplicity. It wouldn't be forever, just till they are old enough to protect themselves. But I'm not sacrificing my kids to save myself.
post #32 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by maizy View Post
Well. I looked at the shot card yesterday and there were 8 stamps all with Tuesdays date. Of course, I intermediately checked for marks. I did find 6 small shot marks on his legs, no swelling or lumps. And no, I did not notice them until I looked for them yesterday. It might not not "sound right" because its not right.
Oh poor baby. It sounds like he might have gotten one combo vax (maybe pediarix), but that doesn't really make things any better.

I don't think there is much you can do legally. I know where I live, it's not required to get both parents consent for medical treatment. It might be nice in cases where there's a disagreement, but overall it would be sort of a logistical nightmare.

No advice on what to do about your husband. I've known of several conflicts over this issue where one parent wants to vaccinate and the other does not. It really just seems like such an impossible situation unless someone changes their mind.
post #33 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post
Yes, he could still do parental things behind your back. But at least you wouldn't be sleeping with/living with a man you just can't trust. What else would he lie about? Keep from you? How forthcoming would he be about affairs if he doesn't even tell you this?
And possibly having more children.

Separation is also a possibility--it's not divorce or nothing; though I think either option would make it possible to request "medical custody" and that would allow legal recourse.
post #34 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
Personally, I'm willing to sacrifice myself to protect my child, and if divorcing means that I lose even more ability to protect my kids, you can bet I'd choose to live a life of duplicity. It wouldn't be forever, just till they are old enough to protect themselves. But I'm not sacrificing my kids to save myself.
I understand and respect your point. I disagree that staying would not continue to harm the child in other ways. She could stay and prevent further vaccination, but her son would internalize his father's behavior and become a man who thinks that it is ok to marginalize women. Or she could leave, lose control over vaccinations, and teach her son different values (and it would be better for her as well, of course). It's a trade-off decision with murky grayness.
post #35 of 129
i'm not liking how the MIL knew and not you. as I mentioned earlier, I can't believe any man would do this on his own without taking counsel from someone else.
post #36 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisCat View Post
If may calculations are correct, eight separate shots would be every injectable vaccine available to that age group in single shot form (Hep B, DTaP, Hib, Pneumococcal, Polio, MMR, Varicella, and Hep A). I can't imagine why a health care provider would give them all at the same time much less in single shot form. Also, if he got eight shots, it would have been hard to overlook. There are often needle marks and lumps. I could see not noticing one or two, but not eight. I'd call the health dept. and find out exactly what your son was vaccinated for because that just doesn't sound right.
your list isn't 8 diseases in single shot form...its eight shots containing 12 diseases. and ANY health care provider following the schedule would do this. Your list up there is the EXACT list of shots recommended for the 15month visit even if they are not catching up!
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/recs/sch...chedule-pr.pdf

If it had been flu season, it would have been one more! Sounds exactly right to me!
post #37 of 129
I wouldn't divorce over this for two reasons...

1. I think that breaking up a child's family is as damaging to a child as being vaccinated. Maybe more.

2. While I wholeheartedly disagree with what the husband did, I'm willing to grant him the acknowledgement that he did it out of concern and love for his child.

Yes, it was based on ignorance and it was most definitely a betrayal of his wife. But I'm sure he has been hearing messages about the importance... no, the life preserving necessity of vaccinations.

Once there... feeling fearful for his son's health... he was able to be persuaded of the dire necessity of giving his son every vaccine.

I'd be more upset to hear that the father drank a six pack and then tossed his son unbuckled into the front seat of the car while they drove to the market to get some vodka.

There are a number of scenarios that could indicate a man who "marginalizes women" or who is a danger to his child.

As distressing as this situation is, I don't think it rises to that level.
post #38 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by VillageMom6 View Post
I wouldn't divorce over this for two reasons...

1. I think that breaking up a child's family is as damaging to a child as being vaccinated. Maybe more.

2. While I wholeheartedly disagree with what the husband did, I'm willing to grant him the acknowledgement that he did it out of concern and love for his child.

Yes, it was based on ignorance and it was most definitely a betrayal of his wife. But I'm sure he has been hearing messages about the importance... no, the life preserving necessity of vaccinations.

Once there... feeling fearful for his son's health... he was able to be persuaded of the dire necessity of giving his son every vaccine.

I'd be more upset to hear that the father drank a six pack and then tossed his son unbuckled into the front seat of the car while they drove to the market to get some vodka.

There are a number of scenarios that could indicate a man who "marginalizes women" or who is a danger to his child.

As distressing as this situation is, I don't think it rises to that level.
I agree.
post #39 of 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by VillageMom6 View Post
I wouldn't divorce over this for two reasons...

1. I think that breaking up a child's family is as damaging to a child as being vaccinated. Maybe more.

I think this is madness. Vaccines, by introducing impurities directly into the bloodstream can permanently damage health, while a child whose parents have divorced still has a family. Often a much more healthy one. I'm a child of divorce myself so I speak with some experience here.

2. While I wholeheartedly disagree with what the husband did, I'm willing to grant him the acknowledgement that he did it out of concern and love for his child.

So what? Some people smack their kids around because they are concerned about their behavior. Because they love them and want them to turn out "right". Still, smacking your kids around is not ok.

Yes, it was based on ignorance and it was most definitely a betrayal of his wife. But I'm sure he has been hearing messages about the importance... no, the life preserving necessity of vaccinations.

While, meanwhile doing NO research himself....No agency being shown here....

Once there... feeling fearful for his son's health... he was able to be persuaded of the dire necessity of giving his son every vaccine.

Because he believed some random person over his wife?

I'd be more upset to hear that the father drank a six pack and then tossed his son unbuckled into the front seat of the car while they drove to the market to get some vodka.

There are a number of scenarios that could indicate a man who "marginalizes women" or who is a danger to his child.

As distressing as this situation is, I don't think it rises to that level.

I sure do. Dude, I would take the kids and be out the DOOR!
OP, I do not think that you are outraged enough. I can imagine very few things that would rock my marriage more than this type of betrayal. To me this is much worse than an affair, because it involves a child.
post #40 of 129
Oh, I'm still so sorry. I don't know if this is the right thing, but you should show him stats on polio and how 95% of people who get it don't show any symptoms. Also, print up the list of vaccine ingredients and show him what he put into your son unknowingly- because he refused to find out!

I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but my husband would feel terrible guilt for this.
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