When they're sick

[Ceinwen]

Disclaimer: So, before this turns into a thread of 'dads can take care of sick kids just as well as/if not better than the mom' - I'm not saying this is not possible. In my particular situation, it IS not THE case. Even my ex agrees.

Anyway, having said that. Do you still send your kids for regularly scheduled visitation if they're sick? How sick? Are you comfortable with it? Is your ex? How do your kids fare?

My two year old is chronically sick (that's another thread in it's entirety); fevers, colds, any.damn.virus.that.spots.her.

I tend to send her anyway, or else my ex would never see her. And, quite frankly, I need the break. As a matter of fact, I usually end up working the whole weekend while they're gone.

For us, having said that I send her anyway, the only thing that makes me nervous is when she's really febrile. My ex (god love him) has a hard time differentiating between 'low grade fever' and 'omgawd she's about to seize because her temp is 40C'... we're working on that.

What brings this up, is that my ex is bringing both kids to camp this weekend (his parent's) about three hours away. I know they'll have a blast - but the two year old is sick (yet again)... I'm pretty sure the fever has broken, and she's full on into miserable cold symptoms.

I'll worry though. At least he'll call me if he's in over his head, and I can call to check up on them...

[Ruthla]

Will the grandparents be there as well as Daddy? Is Grandma or Grandpa somebody who can be the "grownup in charge" and understand what to do with a sick toddler?

[Avani]

My lawyer told me that no matter what was wrong with the kids that i have to send them. My son currently has a broken hand and needs surgery consults etc and my lawyer told me that if my ex comes to take the kids that i have to send them no matter what and that any medical needs will have to be cared for by my ex. WHich seems messed up to me. Considering our Dr's are here, our insurance covers here in our county not where he is. She said if i scheduled surgery during the visit i would be deemed trying to avoid visitation by a judge. So in the eyes of the law apparently that is what i have been told to exercise.

However it seems you and your ex have a decent communicative relationship and if your toddler is too ill you could just keep them if you wanted. If my toddler had a fever i wouldn't feel comfortable taking them or sending to a camp (unfair to the other camp goers as well). If i personally had a fever i wouldn't want to be three hours from home in a social situation like camp.

[Avani]

"Full on miserable" and possibly a just broken fever. If it is the father's weekend he shouldn't be taking a sick kid to camp. That sounds awful. I break plans all the times if my kids are ill.

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Will the grandparents be there as well as Daddy? Is Grandma or Grandpa somebody who can be the "grownup in charge" and understand what to do with a sick toddler?

Thankfully my ex-MIL (slightly crazy, but generally good with the kids) will be there to feed them and make sure they get to bed on time. She's the enforcer of sunscreen, hats, healthy food, etc. So that's a god send. I'm just making sure I send ibuprofen... almost considering just telling him to give it every eight hours, prophylactically.

Anyway, the whole reason they're going up (long story short) is that my ex's dad had an MI last week, and we're all recovering from the scare. They've gone up to camp (it's really a cottage - at least as nice as my house - indoor plumbing, sat TV, etc) to recover and spend some time together.

They really want to see the kids, as I'm sure one of the things going through my ex-FIL's mind was, would he ever see his grandkids again? Taking the kids to the island is almost a better idea than keeping them home in his two bedroom apt - we're in the middle of a heat wave here, so at least they can go swimming.

Mostly I was concerned that IF the tot spikes a fever again, and my ex calls me for back-up... I'm three hours away. And IF he calls, and I hear her crying, it'll be really difficult to not pack up and do a hundred clicks all the way out there. Sigh. Either way I have to work Sunday, as I already took a day off this week (last night) and my gf already took a day off as well. Yikes.

Avani, that really sucks that you would have to send your kids even in that situation. I mean, who really WANTS to take care of a miserable, sick kid? Obviously I don't mind, and I'd rather them be with me... I can't peel either one of my kids off me when they're under the weather. Thankfully my ex freaks at the slightest hint of vomiting/diarrhea/fever, so I get called for that right away.

[meemee]

ex struggled to take care of dd when she was sick when she was little, so i was happy to have her. it wasnt that i dont trust his care - he is great when she was sick. he just prefered me take care of her instead of him. now that she is older he manages much better and is more willing to nurse her. however i dont like giving her too much medicine so that's where we differ. he gives her medicine at the drop of a hat. i dont. but that is minor.

the thing is i would not hold my dd back if she had high fever. in fact she gets to decide. sometimes she decides to stay, sometimes go. it kinda becomes a family decision. usually she stays where she is if she gets a high fever no matter whose day it is. she doesnt really feel sick with high fever - 104 and over. however she gets REALLY sick and clingy when she has the stomach virus. that's when she wants mama.

and so even if she spikes a fever, and you hear her cry... it will be heart wrenching - but i'd rather worry than have her miss such a special occasion. you ARE sending her with the ibuprofen.

and so much can happen in 3 hours. so lets suppose she spikes a fever. he calls. you hear her cry. you jump in the car. in the meantime he or mil gives her the ibuprofen, the fever comes down and she goes to sleep. you get there 3 hours later and find a sleeping child with no fever. and then another 3 hours driving back.

i dont really worry so much about a simple fever (provided there are no other health issues). its anything else. esp. throwing up or running stomach. or even stomach aches i worry about because they are mostly caused by anxiety.

does dd always get seizures with high fever? does she have other health issues?

because i used to get febrile seizures too. had maybe a couple, though my fever has spiked to over 104 a few times when i was young. in fact both dd and i always get high fever. 104 is normal for us. on the rare occasion we do get sick.

[A&A]

I agree that dad should still get to see the sick child, but why take a sick child camping? Married or single, that just sounds like a recipe for disaster.