I got smacked and told I was a bad mom for not vaxxing - Page 2

[yarngoddess]

I think this was mostly a cultural issue. When I was in nursing school we had this very smart and very sweet lady that was just from the Phillipen's (sp) and she was VERY touchy feely. It was uncomfortable being touched all the time. The instructer had to tell her that in the US it's not acceptable to be so physical and touchy feely with other women

Given that, there is no excuse for her behavior. I hope the leader of the group addresses this issue Quickly. That's the beauty of being part of a group is that there are people of ALL different belief's and opinions. I hope you get a satisfactory result from the end of this.

[astra]

Since she is from a 3rd world country I can understand how she'd be shocked by not vaccinating. But a tap on the cheek is too far in my book. It's okay that she doesn't agree with you about vaccinations. But the tapping is just too far. I don't like to be touched in the face so it would have annoyed me. Had it been on the arm I wouldn't care as much.

It will be interesting to see what your leader says! Keep us updated!

[JessicaS]

I don't think I would have reacted well to someone hitting me in the face at all.

[Inocencio]

I was never vaccinated

I have been to a India and when I was 16 and never got my shot's and IM ok I would not get the cops involved but I would try to set up a meeting with her and bring some facts with you good luck.

[saruchan]

The leader of the group called the woman and talked to her. The woman said she thinks I'm overreacting! The leader thinks the woman and I should work it out between ourselves and gave me her phone number. I'm not sure what I should do now. I'm considering only participating in the group when I'm sure she's not going to be there .

[Angela512]

That would seriously tick me off. I would have asked the leader of the group, "If she smacked you in the face, how do you think you would have felt?" The very fact of the matter is this: you do not smack people in the face. Full stop, end of story. Agree, disagree, but you do not physically assault another person because of the disagreement.

What would have been done had she slapped a child in the face? Is this more unacceptable?

The very point being, we don't hit people.

And, I think you're over-reacting, as well. I think you should go give that woman a hug and apologize for being such drama queen and apologize for all of the flare up from her hitting you. (/sarcasm)

On a serious note, have you considered going to the other women in the group and seeing what they think? I know you could only go to the group when she's not there, but that's not fair on your part...especially if you were very active in the group.

No excuse/reason she could give would excuse her behavior. At the very least, she could have apologized. But, she's trying to make this all your problem, and it's not.

I hope you get it worked out in a way that is most beneficial to you.

BTW...what country is she from?

[Arduinna]

I really only see 3 options. Remove yourself from the group, call her and talk to her or continue to go but ignore her or avoid her.


What I would do would depend on how attached to the group I was. If I knew a lot of people there well, I'd make sure everyone knew what happened and get their support in reinforcing the no physical contact expectation. If I was new to the group, I'd probably just not go back. But I'm not that social, so not going wouldn't be a big deal to me.

BTW, it sounds like your "leader" lacks leadership skills.

[Addy's Mom]

This is the perfect opportunity to get to know someone else's culture a little better. I would have just said it's surprising she touched you on the face, because Americans don't generally do that, and ask her what it means. See what she says. It could mean nothing. It could have been a sign of affection. Or it could have been an admonition. But I'd let her explain it first, and I'd ask her directly. And then just tell her that it could have been (or was) interpreted differently.

Most people from other cultures "want" to fit in here, but maybe don't know all the subtleties. Just as when I travel, I try my best to fit in, but I'm sure I do things wrong on occasion. I would hope people in my husband's home country, for example, wouldn't be rushing to call the police over something I might do that almost certainly has no ill intent.

[buttercupmama]

It's highly unlikely that she was trying to fit in when she told her she was a bad mother following the slap. If you're trying to fit in, you wouldn't be insulting. From my point of view, she was berating her for her choice to not vaccinate her child.

I grew up in a third world country and I will say people were more aggressive there, but moreso with their kids than with other adults. Still, it wasn't unheard of for people to slap other people, but it was never under good terms. A friend of mine was almost beaten by a woman for telling her to stop hitting her child--this was on the sidewalk in the main city. So yeah, depending on the culture, some people may be more aggressive, but I doubt anyone slaps another person--let alone a stranger--without bad intent. I won't even tap someone's arm or the back of their head when we're kidding around. I see no point in it.

If you really want to be a part of this group despite her, I would talk to the leader again. If someone slapped her in the face, light or not, I doubt she would smile and go about her merry way because anything else would be overreacting. I think your group leader is underreacting. Perhaps she shares the stance this woman has and is glad someone reacted the way she would like to but wouldn't find appropriate for herself. I can't imagine any other reason for her to be so accepting of it and making you just deal with it yourself. She's the leader, so she's responsible for group cohesion.

Personally, I would probably go so far as to bring it up in the next meeting and have the group discuss why physical reactions like this are inappropriate regardless of the subject matter. But then, I do tend to stir the pot a bit too much. I can't help it. I hate injustice and I'm not good at just simmering in my bottled up feelings.

[Addy's Mom]

Originally Posted by buttercupmama

It's highly unlikely that she was trying to fit in when she told her she was a bad mother following the slap. If you're trying to fit in, you wouldn't be insulting. From my point of view, she was berating her for her choice to not vaccinate her child.

It depends. Cultures vary widely and her "slap" could have been someone else's "chuckle under the chin." And one person's insult could be another's being very direct. We weren't there, so we don't really know.

And I know I'm being picky, but could we refer to them as developing countries instead of third world, which in itself is slightly insulting. But I'm sure no one here meant it that way.

[buttercupmama]

My point is that if it was along the lines of a 'chuckle under the chin' as you put it, it wouldn't have been followed by 'you're a bad mother.' Would you honestly say something like that as a joke? I get direct with people, but direct doesn't have to mean physical or even insulting. I wouldn't make excuses for poor behavior. She's an adult, and regardless of where she's from, she should know better. I grew up around aggression. My own mother was very abusive, her mother as well. The majority of families I knew believed in 'spare the rod and spoil the child.' Meanwhile, I'm intelligent, empathetic, and I have a mind of my own. I choose not to get physical with people because it's not right, period.

As for the last point, I don't mind saying I grew up in a third world country. How does 'third world' imply anything other than less progressed/developed? It's not an insult to say it's a less advanced nation. In fact, that is one of the few things I remember fondly about it. It allowed for a more laid back lifestyle.

[AllyRae]

Originally Posted by SuburbanHippie

I can't imagine a culture that turns a blind eye to smacking people in the face. This "woman" (not really sure if that word is appropriate for her) is off her rocker!

Yes, this. Especially if it was done in front of children. Assault is assault and it's not acceptable. This woman needs to be asked not to return to the group until she can act in a non-violent manner. People disagree with others all the time, but assaulting someone is not the answer.

Mama, I'm sorry you were violated like that. She had every right to disagree with you...she did not have the right to strike you. :

[AllyRae]

Originally Posted by Addy's Mom

It could mean nothing. It could have been a sign of affection.

I'd like to think I'm a bit culturally aware and culturally sensitive. I try to be. I've also taken quite a lot of anthropology and cultural sociology courses in my education. I've never ever heard of a culture where slapping someone in the face means nothing or is a sign of affection. And in *this* country, it is assault. In *this* country, it is not legal for an adult to strike another adult. In every other culture I know of, slapping someone in the face is a way to show domination, disrespect, anger, or any other number of negative emotions.

Unless the two people involved are named Larry, Curly, or Moe ( ), slapping someone in a face followed by an insult isn't generally a sign that you're showing respectful discourse.

[Arduinna]

The fact the the woman said the OP was overreacting means a lot as to her intent with the slap.

[caned & able]

Leave the group. That is totally unacceptable.