Another court question... (about circumcision)

[Phoenix~Mama]

I don't want to circumcise my DS. I've been putting off researching this until I knew for sure if I was having a little man...

I know I have enough battles with STBX on the horizon...

But today I finally made it down the Case Against Circumcision, and it only took reading one article before I was ready to bawl my eyes out and am ready to protect my little man with bodily force if need be...

I fully admit I was completely ignorant on the subject before today, and with my first pregnancy the topic did come up if I was having a boy then, and STBX was very adamant that we would circumcise as he is, and his boys should be like him, and he had full say in the matter since he was a male and I was a female, so it was his call to make.

As it stands, we have 50/50 legal... so we'd have to come to agreement on this decision... I don't see that happening... and this will just be another one to add to the list of what he's taking me to court over.

What would a judge rule in this intervention/cosmetic BS society???

I have some articles already saved, one that references over 60 references!!! What else can I do?

[PoppyMama]

I CANNOT imagine that a circumcision would be ordered against the wishes of one parent. If you can't come to a decision about a medical issue and it goes to the judge, fwis, they are going to be very conservative about ordering procedures. I've seen this cause a lot of problems for parents who feel their children need care and the other parent disagrees. I'd like to see him try the "I have a penis so I rule all other family penis" argument. I would make sure that the pediatrician/doctor you plan to take you ds to knows that you do not authorize this procedure for him and is aware (possibly has a copy of the order) that you share legal custody and neither of you can seek non-routine medical care with both consents.

[blessedwithboys]

Get a foreskin friendly doctor to take to court to testify for you!

My older ds's father got a court order allowing him decision making over just one aspect of medical care. Everything else is suposed to be 50/50, but he was able to get an order allowing him to have ds's tonsils removed. Ok, I realize it's not cosmetic surgery by any stretch, but it's one of those procedures that some doctors recommend as panacea to all coughs and sniffles and others use as a last resort after trying food eliminations and CPAP machines.

Our ENT was middle of the road. He sent us to an allergist (waste of time) and offered a sleep study to see if a CPAP was needed, but his real recommendation was avoid all the non-invasive options and go straight to surgery. $$$ I said no and took ds off dairy. Congestion problem solved. All ex heard at the appointment was "your son needs surgery" and he took me to court. I did bring an expert witness to say there were many more options besides cutting off a functional body part, but ex got the order anyway. In my case, he ended up never having it done because he saw the difference when dairy was eliminated, so I got lucky.

Now the difference here is that RIC is purely cosmetic. You have that on your side. Get your ducks in a row and get a court order now to keep it from happening. Your chosen doctor may be anti-circ or may be aware of your 50/50 arrangement, but would that stop your ex from getting his own doc who doesn't know you even exist to do it? I'm sure you can do this. Best wishes!

[meemee]

JsMa i really do believe there is a lot of impotency due to circumcision. i actually knew a couple of men who refused to circumcise their son because they knew some who suspect that is the reason why they were impotent.

i am not sure how many 'valid' articles you would find on that. but anytime a manhood issue is brought up i notice it leaves a lasting impression on men. not all of them. but might be worth it to try that angle.

http://kaganof.com/kagablog/2010/06/...-circumcision/

[JunipersMom]

I would be ready for a fight (give your attorney studies, articles, NoCirc contacts, ped.# etc..) but in the super slim chance that the judge appears to be 'for' the circumcision - I'd have your attorney fight to also allow a tattoo and navel piercing (to hopefully show them how silly they are being) I dont think any judge would force a cosmetic procedure when it is easily done in adulthood when the child could decide.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Ok, so this is an OR case that I read about a while ago - but a divorced couple was having this same argument - over a 14yo.

It boiled down to, it was consmetic surgery, and was the custodial parents choice.

talk to your lawyer. Did you tell ex that its a boy?? if not, don't. maybe he'll forget, or you will at least have time to kill - esp since he wont have him alone for ages right??? by then maybe he wont care or be involved.

eta - sorry about typos - nak

Also, post in TCAC forum - they might have some great resources/sources of comfort to you!

[Goodmom2008]

I read about a case where the non-custodial father fought against having the boy circumcised and won. The custodial mother was unable to get the circumcision done since she could not prove a medical need for it. And she again tried to get him circumcised years later. The non-custodial father won, again. I just can't remember the name of the parents.

[NewDirections]

I have joint physical and legal custody with my ex. He wanted ds circed and of course I didn't. This didn't come up in the hospital, so there was no argument- it simply was left alone. YOU are the only one who can give consent for circ to happen in the hospital. After that, you both have to agree to have medical procedures done.

After ds and I came home from the hospital ex brought it up. I told him that it's no longer medically necessary. He said he understood that but brought up it was important for "social reasons" I told him it wasn't our choice to make, bottom line.

DS is 4 months now and ex hasn't brought it up again. He's not thrilled that ds is intact, but he's also not upset enough to get it done. He also doesn't want to pay for it. I know with my insurance it isn't covered after the baby is more than 30 days old unless it's "medically necessary" Most men are not going to take the effort of making an appointment, taking son to dr, getting circ done all behind mom's back and while paying out of pocket? No, not going to happen.

Also, joint custody doesn't necessarily mean 50-50 for a newborn. Just something to consider.

[A&A]

I'd start talking to these attorneys now:

http://www.arclaw.org/

[betterparent]

I would educate yourself on both sides, not just one. Figure out what reasons he would present for it and learn them so you can effectively argue.

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by JSMa

STBX was very adamant that we would circumcise as he is, and his boys should be like him, and he had full say in the matter since he was a male and I was a female, so it was his call to make.

Tell him if he wants his son to look like him, he should shave his own head bald, knock all his own teeth out, shave his pubs, and sit in a very cold bath to make his male parts shrink as much as possible. He may need to start wearing diapers and sucking on a pacifier, and contacts may be in order as well, if your son is born with different color eyes as his father...

Seriously, though, get a lawyer, study up on both sides, and get a foreskin friendly "expert witness".

[PoppyMama]

[over_the_rainbow]

Hey I'm new (and newly single) and I was just reading your story to a friend of mine who is well educated on the no circumcision debate. She tells me you must visit the WHOLE network on facebook at

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/WholeNetwork

They are a grass roots organization who are dedicated to providing eduaction against circumcision and they have a chapter in every state so they may be able to help you as far gathering evidence for your position.

Another group is Saving penises who will send out info packets linky >>>>

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/SAVEP?ref=ts

And one last one Intact America on facebook here >>>>

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/...america?ref=ts

Hope that helps some and good luck