do you have your lo call grownups mr.& ms.? - Page 4

[Stephenie]

DS just calls people whatever we call them, which is pretty much always just the first name. Seeing how this is a regional thing, I wonder if he'll (and later, when she can talk more, DD) will be considered rude. We've recently moved to TX from the Pacific NW, where I didn't ever hear any child call anyone other than a teacher Mr or Mrs __ . And even when I taught Sunday School I was just "Stephenie" to the kids. If it is really considered to be rude, I may work on trying to help them seem polite. Though we're homeschoolers (so no teachers) and most of the friends we've made have been from other places.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I dont do Mr & Mrs and I dont do Aunt & Uncle. They use the same name that me or dh does when addressing someone. The only exception is for the grandparents and teachers and usually it is Mrs First name not last but that will change as they age.

[Chamomile Girl]

When I was growing up I had one friend who used to address my mom as Mrs.Lastname and it drove her bonkers. To the point where she sat him down and had a talk with him about how obsequious he sounded. He never did it again. I suppose this is partly where I get my antipathy of seeing it as necessary that children be held to a different standard then adults in matters of personal address. (She is from the West Coast and we lived in the Midwest at the time).

I would probably find it rude if an adult whom I addressed by first name required a more formal address from my child. It would certainly color the way I saw them. And not in a good way.

Historically formal address has been used to solidify social boundaries...and social strata (especially of class). So what many people are referring to as "respect" has actually been a way of keeping people in their place.

I dunno...I don't see why children are seen as less worthy individuals than adults. It really ticks me off actually. Why should kids be held to a standard that adults are not? I also don't see "sir" and "ma'am" as polite, and will never teach it to my kids no matter where I live.

I'm not big on "When in Rome".

For what its worth I am also in the San Francisco Bay Area.

[weliveintheforest]

My kids call people whatever I call them, unless the adult has asked to be called something else. Dance teacher was Miss Firstname, and grandparents have grandparent titles, but usually it's just first names.

[hildare]

we don't intend to.

i grew up in the rural south (and still live there) where "sir" and "ma'am" are the expectation, and i was forced to say/call people that. we will never, ever do that to our kids.

[ThisCat]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

I would probably find it rude if an adult whom I addressed by first name required a more formal address from my child. It would certainly color the way I saw them. And not in a good way.

This would bug me too unless the people were from an older generation...like much older. If my kids were expected to call someone Mr/Ms/Miss/Mrs Lastname, then I would likely follow suit. I won't be calling anyone Miss Firstname though because that would be weird.

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

I also don't see "sir" and "ma'am" as polite, and will never teach it to my kids no matter where I live.

I think they can be polite. I'm in the south, and I use sir or ma'am when I'm addressing people whose name I don't know...as in "Ma'am, excuse me ma'am, you left your keys" which sounds so much better "Hey lady! You left your keys." I wouldn't mind of my kids picked up the same habit.

We also tend to use it in very familiar friendly ways. I hear my DH say "thank you, sir" to guys he knows when they've been particularly helpful with something..usually it's said with a particular tone of voice and with a firm handshake. I say "thank you ma'am" to my daughter sometimes. My son only gets called sir when he's getting into trouble though.

I don't, however, like it when they are used as a required form of respect as in "Yes what?" "Yes, Ma'am!" I really don't hear it used like that anymore though. We run in pretty casual social circles and live in a pretty laid-back area.

[blizzard_babe]

Heck, DS was born in a place where EVERYONE is addressed by their first names. The most respected elder in the village was just "Sophie" to everyone. Teachers at the school... same deal. We once had a principal there who insisted on being called "Miz C," but she was from the South so everyone just kind of shrugged and humored her.

Where we live now, most teachers go by "Ms/Mr/Miss/Mrs Lastname," but outside of a school setting, I don't think I've ever heard anyone address anyone by anything other than their first name. It's not a respect thing... like I said before you can call someone by their first name with a lot or a little respect in your voice, or you can use a title with a lot or a little respect in your voice. No form of address is inherently more or less "respectful," because respect is an attitude and how we demonstrate it is culturally based. In some parts of the English-speaking world, using titles and/or saying sir or ma'am are the culturally acceptable way of showing respect, in other parts they just sound goofy and awkward. If someone called me "ma'am," I'd wonder if I was looking especially old that day . Where I'm from, it's rarely used, and only with old people.

[Angela512]

I will ask the person how they would like to be addressed. Here, most people go by Mr./Mrs./Miss Lastname, unless the last name is difficult, then they go by first name.

There are some who prefer to be called "Jimmy" or "Jen" and others who would prefer the "Mr. Jimmy" or "Mrs./Miss Jen" or "Mr./Mrs./Miss Jones".

So, I just ask...and then the kids call them what the person says.

My daughter asked me about this one time and I just explained that just like she likes to be called by her full name, some people prefer a nickname...and when we find out, in the beginning, what name they prefer to be called, it makes everything a little easier.

[MommatoAandA]

Yes, Mr or Miss and then the persons first name, unless they specifically prefer the last.

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

Mr. and Mrs. Lastname unless the adult invites the child to do otherwise.

That. And I try to avoid Miss/Mr Firstname because it is simply improper grammer. There are a few Miss and Mr first names in our life but it is more a silly joking term of enderment than a matter of respect. Also by now they are way to old to do the whole miss/mr first name. that is really more of a preschool thing and my kids are 14/10/7 years old. they should know by now how to properly adress someone.

[Amys1st]

I am in the Chicago area as well.

When I was growing up and where I live now, everyone is Mrs and Mr or Ms. I refer to Drs Judges etc as their formal title unless I am in a different situation. We live near a judge. I call him "your honor" always. Until he says- Hey Amy, call me Steve, its your honor. He calls me Mrs Lastname. We call our priest/Pastor Father etc. While in college, several professors would introduce themselves as their first name. Several were older than my parents, I called them Mr/Mrs/Ms or Dr depending on their titles unless they said call me first name. None of them ever said call me first name. One actually complimented me on my decorum as he called it.

My parents friends who I have known since birth or childhood are still Mr and Mrs. Now if an older person introduces themselves I say nice to meet your Mr/Mrs lastname. If they respond, call me Al, then fine its Al.

While in a NICU stay, I refered to all the Drs as Dr. They called me Mrs Lastname. We are not pals, we are there because you have to save our daughter's life. As much as we think of them, its still Dr. One of the Drs had inlaws who are my parents good friends. I still called her Dr. We saw her in a social occasion months later and she said- please call me Denise! But we addressed her as Dr first, then used Denise socially but at the hospital, we would use Dr if ever back.

As much as I hated it when I first heard a younger person call me Mrs Lastname, I have come to expect it until I know the person. The first few times, I looked to see if my MIL came in. A few months ago, a BIL was over
and a friend was leaving. She told her daughter to thank Mrs Lastname (me) for such a great time. BIL was looking around and said- "oh thats you!" I guess he was looking for his mom too!

When another BIL brought his wife to be around (wasnt engaged yet) my DH told our girls to call Uncle's girlfriend Miss Susan. Now of course she is Aunt Susan, but the girls called her Miss until then.

OTH, we did a babysitting thing at our house several months ago. A bunch of family members were going to an event so the youngest cousins aged 8 and under had a sleep over at my house. We hired two sitters from up the street who as others adress us as Mr/Mrs like everyone else they know. I introduced my BIL/SIL as the other Mr/Mrs. My BIL said our names are Steve and JEanne. One of the teens responded, my parents told us to always refer to older people as Mr/Mrs like Mrs Lastname said. So BIL never realized his 48 yr old self would look like a 48 yr old to a teen.

[Quinalla]

I would want to go by what the person being called prefers. If I wasn't sure and there wasn't a good way to ask, I would start with Mr/Mrs./Miss Lastname as that to me is the safe bet for maximum politeness. I know at her daycare they do Mrs./Miss Firstname and that seems to be a more popular option now. When I was a kid, everyone was Mr/Mrs. Lastname except for one couple at church that insisted on first names and it was very weird for us And I do call my parents friends by their first names now, but it is weird and I am finally starting to get used to it.

ETA: And I am very careful to use titles like Dr., Father, Pastor, etc. where appropriate as well. They have worked hard and/or have dedicated their time and effort and deserve to be known by that title!

[Boot]

I haven't read all the replies so maybe this has been mentioned. We live a long, long way from family so I like to 'adopt' what family I can here. Some of our friends are 'auntie first name' (or uncle). Also, the grandparents of our close friends go by the name that their grandchildren use i.e. 'Nana firstname'. That is how our children address them. When my mum visits she goes by her grandparent title to all the children. We are a very close group so this helps. Anyone else, like not so close friends, neighbours, etc, go by first names. It's just the way it is around here. I'm a teacher though and I go by Mrs Lastname at school. I think this is such a regional thing, there is no 'right' answer.

[UrbanSimplicity]

In my circle of friends in nyc, we use first names. But when our lo's were quite small, like 2 or under, myself and 2 other friends would refer to the other as "Mama Firstname" which seemed nice and appropriate for the age.

My dh calls my parents "Mr and Miss Firstname" which sounds sweet, I think.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

Historically formal address has been used to solidify social boundaries...and social strata (especially of class). So what many people are referring to as "respect" has actually been a way of keeping people in their place.

This is a good way to phrase it.

I don't feel that an adult deserves any more respect from a child than the child deserves from the adult. (I had one teacher who seemed to think the same way, but he took it in the "formal both ways" direction, by addressing his students and Mr./Miss LastName - I was in 6th grade, and thought it was awesome.)

And, I really don't like being called ma'am. I'll be polite about it, if I happen to be on the receiving end (happens sometimes, especially when I visit dh's family in Knoxville), but I don't like it.

[mirlee]

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

Mr. and Mrs. Lastname unless the adult invites the child to do otherwise.

This is how I introduce my child to grown ups. If the adult prefers something else, they will say. But you can never go wrong with being a little formal. Once you start casual, you can't really go formal. Say, introducing someone as "Sally" when they would prefer "Mrs. Smith."

I think it also depends on where you are as to if you use Mr./Ms. Firstname or Mr./Ms./Mrs. Lastname. Some of my friends kids call me Mrs. Lastname and some just call me Firstname. There are even some that call me Ms. Firstname. Either is fine with me. My father, INSISTS that all children call him Mr. Lastname. He will correct them if they don't. He once corrected my cousin because he called him by his first name with a, "That is Uncle Firstname" to you!