circ horror stories - Page 2

[SashaBreeze]

Originally Posted by mommyfied

He is also saying I need to agree to this for our marriage... he says he will resent me forever. I reminded him that I'd be just as upset if we did it, and it's not about ME or us, it's about our DS.

I am a pretty laid back gal but that would make me so angry that I would be just short of flames sprouting from my head and sparks flying from my eyes!

Can you imagine if he had said the same thing about your daughters when they were born and wanted to circ them?!?

I am proud of you that you were able to keep your cool as it does not seem that a forceful response would have really helped in your situation and probably would have just made him feel stronger on his position. You did good remaining calm and trying to reason with him. But personally I would not tolerate another comment like that.

[ElliesMomma]

OP, i am sorry that you are going through this. but i so much agree with the comments that the guilt and resentment YOU would feel would be too much to bear... to do this to your son, knowing as much as you do about circumcision.

it's unfortunate that this is how it is in so many marriages, that the circumcised men feel so twisted up emotionally about what was done to THEM that they have to find validation in doing it to their same gender children.

it is so much the same arguments in this country given for circumcising boys, that are given in other parts of the world for circumcising girls.

ugh.

[Katie T]

There are tons and tons more people on this site alone with intact boys that have no issues, but they dont have a reason to post. There is a thread on here titles "post here if you have never had a problem" or something to that effect.

It is hard when our partners don't side with us. None of my 3 brothers are circed (though my dad is) and none have had any problems but my DH still wanted it done to our son until he talked to a friend who was circed and has too tight foreskin. Then he changed his tune. Now he is glad we didn't circ our almost 4yo (who has had no issues btw). He also wishes he would not have been circed as a baby.

I would just keep gently keeping your ground and hopefully as time passes with no issues you dh will be happy you kept him intact.

Also a lot of boys are circed for things that are very easily treated without removal of their foreskin.

Good luck it is not a fun battle but very much worth it! I wish you the best!

[Smokering]

BONDING? Really? That's one of the loopiest things I've ever heard. Is this how guys choose their loved ones now? The Fraternity of the Exposed Glans? The shared commonality of being amputees? That warm glow that comes when you realise that your son, too, will be deprived of full sexual sensation as an adult? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD???

If your husband feels he can't bond with your son because he has a complete penis, I'd hate to think what it might do to their relationship if your boy ends up with better eyesight than your DH, or a higher IQ, or thicker hair. It's totally selfish for your DH to want your son to LACK something so they can bond about their mutual misfortune. Crikey.

OP, is it possible you've been too reasonable in your approach? (This is just a wild guess, not based particularly on what you've said, so I could be way off-base.) If you've been presenting this very calmly and factually, is it possible your DH is treating it kind of like a mental exercise rather than a real-life situation? It's hard to explain, but DH does that sometimes. It can take a bit of passion and emotive language on my part sometimes for him to get where I'm coming from. I don't mean ranting like a madwoman ; but if you haven't done it already, why not try busting out some rhetoric? If you clearly say exactly how horrific you find the procedure, compare it to FGM, call it... the things we're not allowed to call it in this forum any more... and emphasise with strong words the fact that it's disfiguring, permanent surgery on an innocent newborn, do you think he might "get it"? Or at least have the grace to feel ashamed about his own shallowness on the issue?

Might be worth a try; might not. I hope you can find a solution, though. I'm livid about his "I'll resent this forever" line - your decision to leave your son's body whole is SO not about him!

[mommyfied]

This kind of explains the bonding thing:
http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/v...ty_of_men.html

Yeah, it's absurd and I told him that.

If there is anyone in the world more stubborn than my DH, it's me. Our son will not be circumcised. I'm just hoping that someday he will agree with me.

I didn't realize how adamant he'd be about this, so in the beginning I assumed it would be easy to just show him the evidence. In fact, when I saw a video of a baby being circumcised and cried the whole way through it, I thought for sure he'd agree with me if I just showed him. I was wrong. It wasn't until later that I realized that the issues outlined in the article above were probably a big part of his problem.

[minkajane]

DS was 5 when he mentioned that his penis was different than Daddy's. He has taken showers with his dad and has also walked in on DH and FIL peeing, so all three grownup men he's seen were circ'd. This gave him the impression that kids have foreskins and grownups don't. He was taking a bath one day and I reminded him to pull his foreskin back and wash his penis (he's not retractable yet, but he pulls it back as far as it will go) and he mentioned that when he was a grownup, he wouldn't have one.

So I gave him a quick explanation of why he has a foreskin and they don't and told him that he definitely would have a foreskin when he was older. He looked down at his foreskin and twiddled it, then looked up at me and said, "But that's the best part!" So DS definitely wasn't traumatized by looking different than his dad or stepdad. He was just sad that they were missing out on the best part.

Teaching him to take care of it was no big deal, either. All I do is tell him to wash it like any other body part. "OK, wash your feet. Now your tummy. Now your arms. Now your penis." No big issue at all. It's not like it's some complicated thing you really have to teach anyway.

[mommyfied]

He looked down at his foreskin and twiddled it, then looked up at me and said, "But that's the best part!"

I love this.

Thanks for sharing your story, Mandy. Right now it feels intimidating but I know I'm probably blowing it out of proportion.

[Pumpkinheadmommy]

Here's a link from the Canadian Pediatric Society that compares complications of not being circumcised to complications of circumcision. Even given the fact that many later circumcisions are unnecessary, boys still have a higher chance of having complications from the circumcision (45 in 1000) than from being intact (17 in 1000).

http://www.cps.ca/caringforkids/preg...rcumcision.htm

[faithsstuff]

I just wanted to add bit. I have an uncircd 18 month old. My hubby is circ'd but wouldn't even consider someone cutting his son. After Z's delivery he had a bit on jaundice and trouble latching. The lactation consultant was very relieved that we weren't circing. Her view was that after the stress of delivery the ;ast thing a babe needs is the trauma of circ. Nobody at the hospital even batted an eye that we weren't circing (and we live in the southeast, not the most medically progressive area). We haven't had any issues, and this is a kid that runs around outside naked 70% of the time. There's no 'special' care like you're led to believe and though my dad has strong feelings about it, my mother admitted she wishes she had never put my brother through circing.

[raelize]

i have 4 brothers, none of whom are circ'd- no problems ever. i have 10 nephews on both sides, none of whom are circ'd- no problems and i would know with my SIL's. all my bil are intact- never heard of any problems. most guys i knew growing up weren't circ'd ( we are a bunch of dirty hippies) and not only did i never hear about any problems, but when i was a teenager and used to go skinny dipping w/friends, not only did i not notice any difference, but nobody even mentioned it there was a difference in appearance.
is dh going to dye ds's hair if it is a different color? or get him color contacts so they match? i mean that difference will be in his face EVERY DAY. can he handle that?

[Storm Bride]

I haven't read the whole thread, so this may have already been mentioned...

I do not get the whole "but I knew someone who wasn't circ'd and he had to be later in life, so we're just going to get it done now" argument.

1) Just because some men "need" to be circ'd as adults (most who get it done don't really need it, imo) doesn't mean they all will, so doing it as a preventative measure is senseless.

2) The man getting done is able to give consent. A baby is not.

3) The man doesn't have a foreskin that's still fused to the glans. Holy crap...I just can't get past the idea that people think its' better to tear a baby's foreskin free than simply cut the foreskin of a consenting adult male. At least the grown man can take painkillers throughout, and isn't going to have the open wound sitting in urine and/or feces!


I did skim a couple posts and saw something about how to answer the boy's questions about caring for his intact penis. I honestly don't know what to say to that. I've got two intact boys, by two different circ'd fathers. I haven't ever been asked a question about penis care by one of my boys (and the oldest is 17, so I don't think he's ever going to, yk).