Anyone NOT able to have an unmedicated birth? - Page 2

[Hannah32]

I had the epidural and fentenyl. I do not feel badly about it in the slightest and anyone who wants to think they are better than me for going the other way is free to do so. I didn't have to be in horrible pain and was able to birth vaginally after only about an hour of pushing.

Oh and my baby was very alert at birth and latched right on.

There was nausea, I was very hungry, there were too many tubes, I couldn't move and a bit of headache, plus some periods where the medicine wasn't quite doing the job. These are not positive things and may be enough for some women to want to go the drug free route. For me, they were worth the price of not being in excruciating pain.

Granted, I had pitocin, which was the deciding factor. I'd be open to seeing how it goes when we have another baby, provided I don't wind up induced again.

[SashaBreeze]

Don't beat yourself up. No two births are the same even when we are talking about the same woman. I have had 5 children (and am pregnant with twins) and out of my births I have had the epi with 3 of them and no pain meds with 2. I encourage anyone that asks to have an unmedicated birth because, for me at least, the recovery period was much shorter.

Baby #1 (epi) I was young and only had a vague idea of birth. I was not in any great amount of pain despite being dilated to 5-6 and having been induced but then a nurse that came on shift came in and spent around 10 minutes scaring me out of my mind telling me about how bad it was going to get so of course I got an epi. Then followed more meds, forceps delivery and a general all around nightmare.
Totally regret getting the epi with that birth, was feared into it.

Baby #2 (epi) This was my first baby that I experienced labor in my hips (I have with all of my children since then). My current midwife finds it fascinating because out of all her years of experience she has never met anyone that labors in their hips, not back, HIPS it feels kind of like I am being pulled apart at the thighs unless I am standing up. Which brings me to the epi with Baby #2. The hospital I went to would NOT let me stand and sitting was unbelievably painful and then a nurse went against doctors orders and gave me a med I am allergic to. I was given an epi during the starting stages of what I found out later was me being prepped for a c-section. But fortunately they were able to get my blood pressure to come back up and I did not end up with the c-section.
Totally regret getting the epi because I believe had they left me alone and let me stand I would have been fine.

Baby #3 (unmedicated) Glorious, supportive, low light dream of a birth. Yes it hurt (the hip thing) but WOW what an experience. And yes I stayed on my feet the whole time until I squatted for the birth.

Baby #4 (epi) I was terrified. I can not explain it something deep within me was just scared out of my mind. I requested an epi because I could feel myself on an edge of intensity that I just could NOT go to. I wanted an unmedicated birth but only if I was able to keep under control and I knew in my heart I was on the drop off point of completely losing it.
Totally do NOT regret that epi. For what ever reason I truly needed it or else my baby would not have been born into the wonder filled room that Baby #3 was born into but into one of filled with chaos.

Baby #5 (unmedicated) Very short, very intense and wonderful. Wouldn't change a thing about it except maybe the for knowledge that the reason things felt so intense so fast was because I was dilating so quick.

With these babies I want an unmedicated birth but I also know that if I hit a wall like I did with baby #4 I have been well informed and will be making my choice based on knowledge and not fear. I do not believe that makes me weak, I believe that makes me a woman that knows my body and my options and will do what ever I need in order to bring my babies into a joyful room which I feel was robbed from me with my first 2 children. The only time I have a problem with a woman having an epi is if she has been forced or manipulated into it, otherwise I trust that she did what she needed to do for that birth.

[CI Mama]

I had an unmedicated labor for the first 20 hours or so, and I'm glad that I got to feel my body working in labor.

I labored normally, without meds, for 12 hours, but then things stalled for a variety of reasons. I spent 8 hours trying to get things back on track. I couldn't sleep and I threw up everything that I tried to eat. Walking, moving on the birthing ball, moving through yoga poses, none of it helped. We requested a breast pump from the hospital so that I could try nipple stimulation, but they never brought one...too busy with women who were actually giving birth...but to be honest stimulating my nipples has never done much for me, so I wasn't too hopeful that that was going to do the trick.

So I asked for pitocin and labor did kick in again, and the pain was manageable...for awhile...until it wasn't.

I needed help, and it wasn't just for the pain, it was for the extreme exhaustion and depletion. At that point I had been awake for 36+ hours and I had been vomiting repeatedly for 12+ hours. My support team had been up with me all night and I could tell they were fried, too. So basically, none of us had anything to work with.

The narcotic they gave me was GREAT. And they gave me an anti-nausea med as well and it was such a relief to stop vomiting.

One funny thing about pain is that it's really impossible to compare our pain to another person's pain. We can't possibly know what someone else's pain feels like, so we can't know if we're "weaker" or "stronger" because we can't know if our pain is the same as someone else's.

We can only get to know our own pain and try to be at peace with the ways that we deal with it.

[crunchy_mommy]

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories & supportive wisdom!! Definitely makes me feel way less alone... I definitely support unmedicated birth & I understand why it's discussed extensively on MDC but it sure does make me feel all alone & a failure that I "couldn't"do it.

I started early labor on a Sunday, it was minor & manageable, and I was able to sleep OK Sunday night. I went to work Monday with contractions all day long, again pretty manageable. By Monday night they were closing in on me & I felt it was time to go to the hospital.

Now what's tricky in my situation is that I absolutely COULD NOT let them check me. I am a sexual abuse survivor and every time I tried to let them check I completely freaked out & ended in a fit of tears. I actually stopped my labor completely because I was so upset about being checked. I wish I knew I didn't NEED to be checked. In fact, there's a lot that I wish I knew, and I wish I'd found MDC before giving birth, because the mainstream board I spent time on was filled with unnecessary inductions & c/s not tips for natural labor, although I did read a lot on my own.

Anyway. So labor restarted & I stayed awake all night Monday at the hospital -- I couldn't sleep through it at that point. My DH totally checked out. He slept on the chair while I walked the halls & took long showers etc. He didn't wake up until my OB came in the next morning (and by the way, I wish I didn't think of midwifes as antiquated, and wish I didn't go with an OB)... My contractions weren't regular with regular breaks, they were irregular with almost no breaks and I was in constant pain.

Tuesday morning when the doc came in I knew she was going to try to check me, and yup once again my labor completely stopped. She was about to send me home but there was no water at home -- somehow I managed to be in labor the whole time the town chose to work on the water main. I wish I'd thought to go to a hotel or something. I knew I needed hot showers (though would've preferred a tub) so I stayed at the hospital. By that point I was exhausted & terrified (not of birth, of being checked again) and we had no clue how far along I was. Finally I agreed to a sleeping thing (maybe it was fenetenyl???) and I still woke up from the pain of each contraction & it made me so disoriented (and the disorientation lasted a good 15-20 hours!) So then I agreed to stadol because I NEEDED to sleep, had been up for 36 hours at that point.

DH was still sleeping all day (don't ask me why, apparently me being in labor was exhausting for him I still get annoyed now when he naps!) and eventually the meds wore off and we still didn't know how far I was and I was in so much pain and so exhausted and scared...

So Tuesday night I got the epi -- couldn't feel a thing so finally found out I was at 6cm -- rapidly followed by the OB breaking my water (without my permission) and starting pitocin (again, without my permission) and well, at least I slept for an hour or two. I woke up and was still so disoriented and eventually it was time to push and the doc kept putting her hands inside me (which I said not to but she said she HAD to, and at this point I could feel everything "down there" and could feel the contractions though they weren't painful)... And had coached pushing that did not correlate at all with my contractions & my own urges to push... DS's stats plummeted & I was pushing with the oxygen mask and they had to use the vacuum. Oh and I had my eyes closed the whole time & was even more disoriented by that point. 1 day of light labor, 2 days of hard labor, lots of interventions & lots of other issues with the whole labor & recovery etc. I could go on & on about all the little things that went WRONG. Plus DS was born not breathing -- and he's been high-needs since birth -- and I feel like that's my fault for getting the epi & drugs.

I was always the kind of person that never took OTC drugs, not even for migraines etc. I was never afraid of pain & at times actively sought it out. I did not expect to be unable to tolerate labor pain.

I really want to have baby #2 soon & I need to work through all this & discuss it & plan for a better 'next time' though I think if I just plan to get the epi I would be less disappointed in myself than if I planned to go unmedicated... And I could have avoided the stadol & sleeping shot if I had just gone right to the epi... but I soooo want an unmedicated birth, for my sake & especially for my future babies...

Thanks again for listening & sharing, I really appreciate it.

[L J]

I'm glad you are trying to work through all this mama, and there is really no better place on the web to help than right here. I hope that soon you can find a way to accept your birth and stop feeling guilty and beating yourself up. I completely understand what you are saying about your labor stopping because they wanted to check you. I have serious issues being touched by strangers, and that was a major factor in leading me to the kind of birth I had.

FWIW, I did birth at home unmedicated, but I tried one contraction laying down on my side on the bed, and jumped up as soon as I could ranting about how if I were in a hospital, I would get an epi, because there was no way I could deal with laying down, or sitting, while laboring. I needed to be up and moving or in the shower or the pool. So, I can understand, from that perspective, why women who birth in hospitals so often choose to have pain medications. I am relatively certain I would, too, under those circumstances.

[Galatea]

It sounds like your pain was seriously magnified by your whole hospital experience and the cervical checks. Perhaps feeling comfortable and safe would have gone a long way towards not being in such agony. I have had a midwife for all my births and they never checked my cervix unless I asked them to, nor did they think it necessary.

I have heard many people say that the IV narcotics made them feel loopy, out of control, and less able to cope with the pain. Usually the epidural does not make them feel like that. Perhaps next time have a hospital birth with a natural-friendly CNM and a doula, with them knowing about your abuse and not wanting to be checked, and the option of an epidural if you start to feel like you need it. It really sounds like more respectful treatment of you, and understanding, would really help. And being treated poorly by hospital staff and feeling abandoned by dh would make it hard for anyone to cope, so you should stop beating yourself up for doing the best you could in a bad situation.

[homemademom]

I'm so sorry for your awful experience. Under the circumstances, I think many of us would have done exactly as you did. After all of that physical and mental exhaustion, I would have needed a break, too.

Others have made good points, but I just wanted to say one thing: the choices you made did not make your dc high needs. So many women have epidurals and other narcotics as a matter of course and they have perfectly mellow babies. My only epi baby wasn't high needs at all (not mellow either, but I've never been blessed with one of those, lol). Really, his high needs are probably just part of his personality. Some babies (and kids and adults) are just more intense. (((HUGS))) to you!

[CherryBomb]

My first two were c/s and my third was a hospital vba2c. No epidural, but I got a shot of a narcotic when I started having a panic attack. The pain was manageable for me until the very end, then I wanted to die and wished I had gotten an epidural. My second c/s was an attempted hbac and I labored for days with a posterior, asynclitic baby and it was pure hell. I'll never do that again.

If you really want a natural birth, certainly work through those issues you have and go for it. But don't beat yourself up. An epidural didn't cause your son to be high needs!

[crunchy_mommy]

Thanks, it's hard to feel otherwise because I see so many non-high-needs babies (but of course now that I think about it I realize their moms had epidurals so there goes my theory!) I guess too it's the fact that he had a tough enough time adjusting to the world & to have drugs in my/his system on top of it (plus to have him yanked out of me with the vacuum & not allowed for me to hold him right away & taken from me for the first ~8 hours of his life & being pricked & prodded & made the mistake of circ'ing him (I wish I had the perspective I have now on that one ) Just so many things I did wrong and he already had a hard enough time. It makes me cry just to think of it.

Originally Posted by Galatea

Perhaps next time have a hospital birth with a natural-friendly CNM and a doula, with them knowing about your abuse and not wanting to be checked, and the option of an epidural if you start to feel like you need it.

That is what I think I want to do. I already have a different hospital picked out, & I'm scouting out the names of midwives & going over the other options, hopefully by the time I'm pregnant I'll have a good plan in place. My mom had a midwife & said they wouldn't "let" her have an epidural so I wonder about that too but I definitely don't want to go with an OB again!!

[rparker]

My mom had a midwife & said they wouldn't "let" her have an epidural so I wonder about that too but I definitely don't want to go with an OB again!!

Just jumping in to say that my friend had a really complicated hospital birth (due to a partial abruption) at 36 weeks (had planned a home birth) and her midwife encouraged her to get an epidural at the end when things got really crazy... so not all midwives are anti-medication. If you can't find a midwife that you're comfortable with you might also want to look into family practice doctors since many of them have a totally different mindset from OBGYNs. The most important thing is finding a provider who will respect your boundaries and not insist on cervical checks; I have known OBs who fit that description but they are admittedly rare.

[bri276]

No two births are the same even when we are talking about the same woman.

I agree, and that's why I think the premise that some people are better equipped to handle "the pain of childbirth" isn't necessarily accurant to begin with. There are women who have been able to handle natural childbirth with one and not with another- because of exhaustion, because of baby's positioning, because of another physical condition, etc. It's not fair to assume that labor objectively causes the same amount and type of stress on each woman's body and therefore how she feels it is all about her own neurology or physiology or pyschology. That could be true for many births, but it could be utterly untrue and irrelevant for an individual birth, so it's not a fair generalization.

[zoebird]

lovey, that is a lot of stuff you went through. i mean, a lot of stuff.

no matter what, it's ok to make whatever decisions work for you. you don't have to decide before hand that you will or will not use drugs. you can just decide when the time comes, and whatever you decide is ok.

i think one of the things that made your labor particularly difficult is the mental-physical response to the vaginal exams. the stalling labors that had to be restarted is a tough thing. it drags things out.

it may be that a midwife assisted hospital birth without vaginal exams would take a huge stress load off and decrease the panic response (shutting down labor) that you have. which, btw, is a perfectly natural response, so it's not that you or your body did anything wrong. it's just what it is. that is your response. and it's right to have that response.

but i think that if you can take that stress out of your birth, you'll be able to look at the labor process differently. i mean, like, i see a labor that would have progressed normally still, had you not had those 'shut downs' due to the stress of the exams--KWIM?

so then, it's really a question of how you felt about your labor outside of that, and whether or not you think that might be easier in the future or not. and then go "well, if it is, then i won't worry about the drugs, and if it isn't, then i will use the drugs."

either way is fine. you don't have to go in with any specific expectation of yourself, just seeing what happens, and making the decision then that whatever you do is perfectly ok.

sounds like you did a great job under all of the circumstances.

and, i might bring a doula if i were you too. obviously, your DH's response to you under stress is to have a nap. it's just his response, but i can understand why it would be annoying! so, a doula to be there just for you, might also take an emotional load off, which might reduce the stress and pain that you feel in labor (it also might not, i'm jsut saying it could/might help).

anyway, just some thoughts to toss in. whatever you do is good, just like what you did was good.

[Surfacing]

I haven't read the other responses, but I wanted to let you know that my first birth too was unbelievably painful/excruciating. I didn't get an epi but later decided that I probably should have because I had PTSD after the pain of that birth (incl. a third degree tear due to an episiotomy by an OB after my care was transferred by my MWs).

My experience with dd2 was vastly different. Much faster, less painful, even though she was almost 1 lb. bigger.

I think there are many different experiences with birth. It does women a disservice to paint the picture as one for all. We are all in different places physically, physiologically, emotionally, spiritually, with our values, goals and beliefs. We have different histories.

Please be gentle with yourself. Think of what you would tell a friend or your own daughter if she was in your situation. Talking about it with understanding people helps with healing.

You are not crazy.

[Surfacing]

Oh, and I wanted to add, that after my first birth I SWORE I would get a doula for the second... (I got two actually )... they were helpful.

But a woman I know who is a doula and had a traumatic first birth in hospital, hired me for her second birth (home birth). She prepared tons, read tons, etc. Her mother (who is also a doula) and I assisted her, as well her SIL and dh. She had lots of really good support, but her birth was still excruciating and traumatic for her.

Different people have different experiences for a variety of complex factors.

ETA - The book When Survivors Give Birth is a great book for processing traumatic birth, being an SA survivor and preparing for subsequent births.
http://www.amazon.com/When-Survivors.../dp/1594040222
The use of epidurals for survivors is discussed in this book as a totally valid, understandable option. I'm sorry for your traumatic experiences. It's really good that you're talking about it and processing it.

[crunchy_mommy]

Wow thank you all so much, you're giving me a lot to think about & consider & process & I hope I can make 'next time around' better than last time!! Just hearing everyone's responses is giving me a new outlook & more optimism... and less grief over the choices I made.

[loraxc]

I had a 34-hour posterior labor with DD that ended in transfer, Pitocin, and a much-needed epidural. I was basically ordered by my midwife to get the epi. I was really exhausted and in a terrible fear-tension-pain cycle. I was able to sleep for a while, and when I woke up I was complete.

I then had a wonderful 6-hour homebirth with an anterior baby. The pain in the second birth was not even on the same planet as the pain with the first, except perhaps at crowning. I mean, it hurt, but the pain with my first was griding, agonizing, bone-on-bone pain that felt WRONG. The pain with the second felt productive and natural.

Having had both kinds of birth, I can say that yes, sometimes birth is not that painful, and YES, sometimes it is horribly, terribly painful. I am very crunchy about birth, but I believe births differ vastly, and that someone who thinks birth is no big deal may have just drawn a good hand that time and could be very, very humbled by another birthing experience. I would never dare judge another woman as a wimp.

[CherryBomb]

Originally Posted by bri276

I agree, and that's why I think the premise that some people are better equipped to handle "the pain of childbirth" isn't necessarily accurant to begin with. There are women who have been able to handle natural childbirth with one and not with another- because of exhaustion, because of baby's positioning, because of another physical condition, etc. It's not fair to assume that labor objectively causes the same amount and type of stress on each woman's body and therefore how she feels it is all about her own neurology or physiology or pyschology. That could be true for many births, but it could be utterly untrue and irrelevant for an individual birth, so it's not a fair generalization.

Very true. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but my labor with dd2 was just absolutely excruciating. She was posterior and asynclitic and it was just utter agony for me. I was so determined to hbac I labored like that for days before my body just couldn't do it anymore. I really think if I had "listened to my body" as they say and transferred for an epidural after the first day, I could have birthed her vaginally. At any rate, dd3 was perfectly positioned and the difference was absolutely unbelievable. I didn't even think I was in "real labor" then got checked and I was 7cm! Like I said earlier, it wasn't until the very end that it really hurt, but over all it was an easy vba2c.

So, same mom, two TOTALLY different labor experiences.