How do you help encourage....

[JordanKX]

My DSS is almost 4. And he wants to be doing so much... like riding a bike or trike. But he's scared, or intimidated, or something. Our neighbors have lil girls in the road like mad, on scooters and bikes and skateboards. He watches them from inside the window. Every now and again, he'll ask for his tricycle (which is an old fashioned style, it pedals well, but you've got to move on it). He'll push it around, but won't sit on it. He'll push ME or his dad on it, but won't do it himself. You can tell he wants to participate... really, he wants to be in the road playing with the other kids.
But he won't do it.
And if he sits on it for 1/2 a second, he won't pedal -- and then gets scared or intimidated by it, and kinda makes a laugh, like he's "shrugging it off" and pulls you to get on it, so he can push you around (instead of him doing it).

He doesn't do much solo either. Same thing... Wants to. But even with both his dad and I participating, showing him how "fun" it is, he'd rather watch. It's not just the trike... he's the same way with his bike (with training wheels), and he shows similar timidness at regular Park activities like the slides and swings. He wants to... but something scares him.

How you help encourage this?

[LynnS6]

Very slowly.

Is it possible to get something like a small scooter (3 wheeled) or a balance bike for him? Our son's scooter really helped. He had more control and didn't to pedal.

Our ds was 'timid' -- the truth is he doesn't have a great sense of where his body is in space and so he didn't have the confidence to try. He also had a motor delay and so he couldn't pedal. It looked like his was being timid, but really, he just couldn't get his body to do what he wanted it to do. He was in occupational therapy for 2 years for that and sensory issues.

I'm not saying your dss needs OT, but he might need a little more specific instruction on things like how to pedal. Our ds had to be told and shown, then he could do it.

We helped him do a lot. And then once he'd done it once, we'd talk about how much he'd enjoyed it, even though it was hard. Sometimes we had to help him 30 times before he'd try it on his own. He also needed to observe a lot. He learns by observing, so I've learned to give him the time he needs to watch. It's a lot more than I need, so I find it frustrating!

Even today, he's not a risk taker. It is a mixed blessing. He often won't try things that are fun. On the other hand, I didn't have to worry about him getting out of his depth (literally) when we were at the lake yesterday.

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

It is a mixed blessing. He often won't try things that are fun. On the other hand, I didn't have to worry about him getting out of his depth (literally) when we were at the lake yesterday.

This is so true. There is pluses and minuses in almost everything. OP, I have one of each - a really cautious DS and an I can do everything myself DD. My DS seemed to be the last to learn to bike, go on the swing, slide... while the other kids were all jumping around like crazy. The best thing I did for him was give him a little sister, because when he saw she did XYZ, he decided it was worth a try and really came out of his shell. It's one thing for a parent to demonstrate something and have a cautious kid try it; it's a very different thing to have this child's sibling demonstrate something - he is much more likely to try it. Disclaimer: yes - it's a little drastic to have another child just to see if the older child will become more outgoing - I'm only saying it because this is indirectly what happened in our family.

Also, I'm finding the pluses of this type personality now. For example, DS, DD and I bike home every day. DS can bike much faster than DD, so he is allowed to bike ahead - way ahead - like 3 or 4 blocks. I can see him, but he is a speck out there. He is allowed to do this because of his personality. He knows when he hits an intersection that he must always stop, wait for all traffic to clear, and only then cross. At major intersections and at corners, even if there is not a car in sight, he must never cross but wait for DD and myself, even if we don't arrive for another 5-10 minutes. These are not rules I laid out for him and then he did. These are rules HE MADE, over time, as I gave him more and more freedom (first only 1 block ahead...) and he follows them 110% of the time.

However, if it was DD that was the one biking fastest, no way in heck she would ever be allowed to get more than 3 feet in front of me. Never. Because I know darn well she is concentrating on biking as fast as she can, seeing how close she can get to the poll without hitting it, trying out the brakes like a mad woman, and she has decided she is invincible and doesn't need to always worry about stopping at intersections.

So maybe you see the minuses in your DS personality. But later, some of this will be a plus.

For biking specifically - a balance bike. SOOOO worth it. Easy way to learn balance. And IMO, it doesn't look overwhelming - from a kids perspective.