Nearly 2 years since lost babygirl, hurting so much :(

[Sienna-forever]

It will be two years in September since we lost our precious daughter. She was 5 months old. She'd spent her whole life in Nicu. She was 8 weeks premature, but doing so well at first. She has Down Syndrome, but was breathing for herself, starting to breastfeed, they said she'd be home within a month.

Then she started to get sick, the doctors did endless tests, procedures, they never did find out what was wrong. They said it was a very rare and incurable lung condition.

She ended up with a trachyostomy, ventilator, sedated. Why did my baby girl have to suffer?

We have been looking into fostering/adoption, but its not going to plan. I just don't know what to do. We don't know if we can have anymore biological children. I'd always imagined having a big family

My 3 year old DS is wonderful, he gives me a reason to get up in the morning, I love him so much.
But I am so exhausted, and so fed up with having to keep 'fighting' trying to be strong, trying to learn to live with this loss. I always throught I'd have close age gaps between children (there should have been 14months between Ds and DD).

Just trying to get this all out of my head, I've cried so much today, poor DS has seen me get upset, I told him I miss his sister, he says he misses her too

[blumooned]

[BarefootGirl]

I really can't imagine how you feel, but I couldn't read and not respond. I am so sorry for your little girl and I hope that you are able to have the family that you want in whatever way is possible.

[AllyRae]

: I'm so very sorry....

[Funny Face]

Oh mama, I'm so very sorry. s I wish I could say something of comfort or give you answers but I don't have any.

[CherryBomb]

I'm sorry

[ledzepplon]

I'm so, so sorry. I can't imagine that kind of grief. Sending you .

[ElliesMomma]

(((((hugs)))))

[tngirl11]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying for strength and healing for you and your family and that you will have another child in your arms someday soon.

[Sienna-forever]

Thank you for your hugs and kind words.

As time has gone by, I've had to get 'stronger' and most days I do 'ok' can be happy even. But other days, like yesterday, it hits me hard. I had a bad day anyway, and then the anger/pain/tears came flooding out. Although it was so painful letting that emotion out, it needed to come out, I do feel better for it, I'd been holding it all in for weeks.

I think I'm starting to worry about her anniversary in september. Last year we released a wish lantern for her, so maybe I'll look into doing something similar, it helps to do something special, although we think of her every day.

I'd had an angel reading done recently, and was told that a new baby would be coming into our lives, I think I wanted to believe it, but its thrown up a lot of emotion. I don't know what to think at the moment.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest x

[butterfly_mommy]

Anniversaries are always triggers for me sometimes not the exact date but the day or two after the grief can feel as raw as it was the day my daughter died. You are right it does help to do something special to mark anniversaries, we always send balloons to DD on her birth/death day outside of the hospital at the time of her birth.

much peace to you and your family.