feeling guilty about conceiving - Page 2

[darkblue0729]

Mama, you are not a bad person! When DD1 was conceived, I had been told I was infertile so DH and I weren't using protection, I had just been in a major accident and had a slowly recovering broken collar bone, blown discs in my back, and had lost my job...there were *SO* many reasons why it wasn't the 'right' time, yet she was the most amazing blessing! Yes, things have been tough and/or scary but the joy and grace that each of our DCs have brought into our lives has been almost to beautiful to fathom. I wish you all of the strength and serenity in the world as you get ready to start this journey! Your baby is so fortunate to have two parents that love and want it in this universe!

[fyrwmn]

mama, i just wanted to send you some hugs! things have a way of working themselves out. i conceived our 1st child, my dh had literally just gotten home from a year and a half in iraq. not only that, but although we had lived together for 2.5 yrs, we had been married for 2 weeks when he deployed. we had made so many plans fo rhow we were going to make up for missing out on our first 1.5 yrs of marriage, and i felt lik ei ruined those plans. lol, i spent the first week of our long awaited honeymoon cruise to hawaii in our room so sick with morning sickness that i barely moved. things during my pg were a bit tense because we were still figuring out how to live as a married couple and dealing with a bunch of issues stemming from the deployment. it was certainly not the ideal time. but now that i'm halfway thru the pg of our 3rd child, i've come to think that there is no such thing as "the ideal time". children come when they're meant to. i worried alot about how expensive a child would be, and was pleasantly surprised that they are not nearly as expensive as everyone makes them out to be. well, let me rephrase that...they can be very expensive if you choose for them to be, but it doesn't have to be that way. i've learned to buy a season ahead when clothing goes on clearance. we prefer secondhand when it comes to most things. and not only is "breast best" but it's free . my children may not have the best of the best, name brand everything, but they want for nothing. they are clothed, fed, have a roof over their heads, and above all they have 2 parents who love them and each other!

[SquidMommy]

Aww, hugs...

Many people, I'm sure, find themselves in this situation - as a PP said (and I'll paraphrase), there's no good or right time to have a child. Stress is relative - there's always going to be a move, a bill, a class, a job, a paycheck, an insurance debacle, a relative, an ex, an illness...something...to get in the way of what you or anyone would picture as their "ideal circumstances" to have a baby. Even if everything right this minute was COMPLETELY perfect, who's to say that tomorrow things won't somehow change? The only important people in this are you, your sig-other, and your babe. All of your available energy has to go into caring for yourself and your family - draining yourself with what-ifs and how-comes will only take away from that, and you'll drive yourself bonkers if you spend time picturing/dreading every nightmare scenario that's out there. Alien invasion? Check!

To share, The Guy and I were trying to conceive...then I had a miscarriage. Then he ended up in a car accident. Then legal trouble followed from a "frenemy" we didn't see coming. Then The Guy lost his job. THEN the bills started piling up, with only my income to support us, the pets, the mortgage...of course that's when I get pregnant! I know I love him, I know I love our upcoming baby, I know I will do whatever I have to in order to get ALL of us through this together. His mom has been a godsend - supportive to a point, but when I get too self-pitying, I get a swift kick to the tush and told to pick myself up!

Believe you can get through this, and believe that your love will raise and sustain your child. Practical concerns can be met through sharp budgeting, careful shopping, and shelving-of-pride when it comes to asking for help. Everything else comes 100% from your heart.