Please psych me up for dreaded family gathering

[Pepe]

I'd appreciate any online peptalks you can provide regarding a family party I need to attend tomorrow. MIL and FIL are having everyone over as they have out-of-town guests, friends of the fam. Things have been VERY tense after my DH and BIL (DH's sister's husband) had a conflict some weeks ago...well, actually BIL had something of a tantrum and swore at DH in front of all the kiddos, but it was a long time brewing. I'm not sure who's talking to whom (or not), and there have not been responses to my emails, and no one's going to lose face by stepping up and apologizing (or even saying hey, we don't really get along but let's make it okay for all the cousins)--a party last week was an awkward disaster and I am REALLY dreading this event. I know no one can offer a long-term solution, but if you have any words of wisdom or humor, or a mantra, or a coping technique of any kind, please, please, send it along. I'll take a funny anecdote to use at the dinner table, a thought for not allowing DS to pick up on all the tension, anything, anything, anything. Thanks!

[mum4vr]

Praying for you, Mama

Now, let's see if I can also offer practical help..."this, too shall pass"? Really it will blow over, even if the family member is boundaryless long term.

Is there any way you guys can make your appearance, and you and your DH have an agreed upon signal that it's time for you to duck out early?

Remember to always love the person, even if you must hate their behavior.

Is any of this helpful?

Sorry-- my extended family is just a swirling vortex of dysfunction. Don't get sucked in!

blessings

[Pepe]

Thank you for your kindness. It does help! It helps me to remember that an uncomfortable dinner is, well, only that; it's not a life-threatening tragedy...

I'm oversensitive and over-receptive to others' issues and reactions in a group setting, so I'll just have to build a little forcefield around myself and cheerfully steamroller through.

[mamallama]

Focus on the kids having fun together. Can you take something for everyone to enjoy? Bubbles? Sidewalk chalk? a craft? Take your camera and email pictures of the kids having fun together to the parents and g'parents after the party.

Plan on something nice for when it's over. Ice cream on the way home? Family movie night? Whatever it takes to switch gears and get on with your happy life.

Good luck!

[mum4vr]

So, how'd it go?

Everyone survive?

I hope it wasn't too emotionally draining.

[Pepe]

Oh my goodness, thank you for checking on me! You are very, very thoughtful.

It actually went pretty smoothly. Everyone was on their best behavior and it seemed MIL and FIL enjoyed the evening and getting their out-of-town friends together with the fam. Your post really reminded me to do the right thing by making an effort to get along with everyone without second-guessing every gesture/tone/facial expression but instead to focus on being gracious and appropriate myself.

Thank you again for asking! That means a lot to me.