My daughter's 1st period arrived...

[spiderdust]

I'm somewhere in between and right now. Trying to focus on the part.

She, however, is devastated. She sobbed and told me she wanted to go back to being 4 years old again. I hadn't expected her to be so upset about this.

I hopefully handled it ok... we talked for a while and I told her that while this was a change, it didn't mean that it was a bad change. It's just a new step in her life. She was worried that a boy she has a crush on (never mind that she hasn't seen this boy in 3 years) would hate her because she was having her period. I told her that she didn't have to tell him if she didn't want to, and that boys had their own sorts of changes to deal with around this age. I showed her how to place a pad on her underwear and promised her that we'd get her some of her own very soon, and then gave her some privacy to take care of herself.

We've talked in the past about having a party to celebrate her first period with the other women in her life... she thinks she still wants to do that. Now that the time has arrived, I need suggestions!

I think I'm going to get her some flowers in the morning, and maybe some chocolate.

[kimmypoo]

Originally Posted by spiderdust

We've talked in the past about having a party to celebrate her first period with the other women in her life... she thinks she still wants to do that. Now that the time has arrived, I need suggestions!

I think I'm going to get her some flowers in the morning, and maybe some chocolate.

No suggestions, just think that's a really cool idea.

[SomethingAnonymous]

It sounds like you handled it really well. I only hope that I will be able to have the same kind of sense and composure when the time comes for my daughter. You're a good mom

[raksmama]

I remember I cried too! I felt sad that I would no longer be a child.
You handled it well!

[Bellabaz]

I think you did really well. My older sister (my mom dies when I was 10) took me (and younger sis when it was her turn) out and bought us a gift when we got our periods. Kinds of a nice welcome to the club celebratory thing.

How about a nice lunch somewhere? or pedicures?

[Ellien C]

I've heard about getting a nice piece of "lunar" or red jewelry - like moonstone or freshwater pearl or something red to symbolize her change. Don't know how "earth mother" goddess you are, but white represents maidenhood, red - Motherhood or the capacity for it, and black for crone-hood or moving onto the third stage. Maybe work in that scene.

[bonamarq]

You did great! My dear friend and midwife had a wonderful party for all three of her girls when the youngest had finally had her period - We did it at my place and invited the older yet significant women in these girls' lives - and with a midwife for a mother you can imagine the numerous and amazing women in attendance - it was also around valentine's day and we had all red foods - from lasagna to beet salad and I think a red velvet cake? We had a sort of ceremony (similar to a blessing way) to welcome them all to womanhood - they were sort of self concious and thought MOM was a big DORK but absolutely loved every minute of it - I have my own DD now (6.5) and hope to have the chance to do something as meaningful for her when the time comes...

[rachelernst]

The Rite of Passage

I cried too. I had a clear sense that my childhood was gone.

My DD is 4. I plan on being positive about it and helping her through it in a way that I didn't feel I had at the time. I will introduce early the idea of a menstrual cup like the Diva Cup, since now that I'm a mother I use every month to the total exclusion of tampons or pads. I LOVE IT! I also like the idea I read in Mothering of a regular "spa night" with the girls at home and a kit you make up of all the make-up, nail polish and special soaps, candles, etc. If we haven't started it by the menses onset, that will be my go-ahead time to start it.

Maybe read a little of Joseph Campbell. I read a synopsis of his view of menses being a rite of passage and that it's important to undergo something that you cannot control (isn't that the nature of the universe--we can't control it?) Maybe this is why as adults we are able to mature into accepting reality.

I would love to see a Waldorf-based description of girls at this age and how we can help them whether they get it at the earlier age or the later age. I'm sure there is a significant difference between the beginning and the end of the age range, in how it affects the girl. If anyone has something like this, please tell me!!

[philomom]

I bought my girl a ruby pendant and a steak dinner. Your first period only happens once!