Anyone else antisocial while pregnant?

[pacifica]

I'm an introvert and get more social with alcohol, so since I can't drink alcohol, I'm A LOT less social. Also, I go inward to gather strength when I'm pregnant and with a new baby.

Anyhow, my friends are calling/texting wanting playdates like everyday. It causes me anxiety wondering what to tell them....and dealing with this daily. I just don't want people over and I don't feel like leaving home much at all. And I know this will not end once baby is born. For at least a year, I'll feel the same way as I do now. How can I politely tell my friends (and my kids friends) this?! Have any of you had this conversation or these feelings?

[lillymonster]

I don't drink, so I can't comment on that aspect. But I lose motivation to do anything and do get very antisocial. I come up with excuses not to do anything even though getting out of the house will make me feel better. It's like I am scared and start to suffer with anxiety - what if I feel sick, what if I get a headache, what if I get tired. I worry about stupid stuff.

I don't know what to say other than I don't feel good. I don't know what else to do.

[pacifica]

Hugs pregnant mama. My husband is already social enough for both of us and I just can't handle more than my usual obligations right now. I need to find a way to say that to my friends, so I can stop the worrying and anxiety. I find myself getting angry that my friends don't understand this about me, but I need to voice myself in other ways, other than I don't feel good, not today, too tired, etc. They just aren't getting it and keep calling/texting.

[Tresa]

Tell them straight up how you feel, that you're low on energy and can't give as much right now. I wouldn't comment on the future, even if you fee like you know you'll be down for a while (women who have had babies should get it immediately anyway and should anticipate it getting worse for you after the baby's on the outside, for a while anyway).

Most of my friends have kids and when I told them right away when I found out I was pregnant that the fun me was going away for a while, and they understand. They don't expect or ask as much of me. My friends without kids have to be reminded a little more often that I'm exhausted and don't have as much to give...they don't understand but because they're my friends, and they've seen me go through this and come back before, they deal with it.

It's not any different than if your friends are still in school and have to quit playing for a week before midterms or around finals time. Or big projects at work. Pregnancy and infancy lasts a lot longer, and it can be hard on some friendships if you have needy friends, but I kind of think that the ones who stay are meant to stay and the ones who go are doing you a favor, if they can't give you when you can't give as much to them.

I go within more, too, or else I start to get physically ill from the exhaustion. It's not worth it to anyone for me to overextend myself, yk? Having people over to your place helps a little, if you don't mind them seeing your dirtier house (if you let yours go more like I do mine when I'm pg or have a little baby)...really good friends will come over and help clean while they're there to see you.

[momasana]

I go into sort of a nesting mode and retreat inward. I think it is completely okay to be honest with your friends and tell them that you need some alone time during this part of your pregnancy/life. If they are good friends, they will understand and respect your needs.

[rparker]

I'm antisocial when not pregnant and even more so when pregnant. I just don't like being around other people very much I am making a conscious effort though to not blow off my daughter's friends/activities because she is very social. It sucks to have to be around other parents when I don't feel like it, but I figure that's my issue and not my kid's.

[pacifica]

Thanks Mama's. I told her earlier today that I'm feeling very antisocial right now (being pregnant and all) and I don't really expect things to change for at least a year after baby is born. I said it's just part of my personality and I hope she understands and doesn't take offense, but I just don't wanna hang out so much right now.

She said she understands and was ok with all I said. Now, the real test will be if she stops calling and asking to get together all the time....because I've already told her in a round about way that I'm not into hanging out. She's a heavy drinker, too, and it's just not the same to hang with someone who's drinking when your not drinking (especially because I miss alcohol a lot when hanging around others...it loosens me up socially).

Everything just bothers me so much more when pregnant and I feel like I have to find a solution to problems quickly or they will just eat at me. I could barely sleep last night thinking of what to say to her.

[CherryBomb]

I'm always kind of anti-social, it just gets worse when I'm pregnant :/

[pacifica]

I'm always antisocial, too, actually. But, all my energy is going into my family and I just don't have enough for outside social things right now. Probably means i'm not such a great friend, but my family is #1, and this is crunch time for me....

[APGoddess83]

I agree completely! I'm 100% introverted and even more so while pregnant! I also like to have a couple drinks socially bc it does help me to feel more comfortable with people. I'm due in 8 days and it's been worse the last couple weeks. My husband keeps hanging out with his family and I keep declining to go so he ends up taking some of the kids with him and I stay home. I don't want to deny him his family time since he doesn't see them a lot but I don't feel like being social or dealing with the comments about when the baby will come and looks I get like I'm about to pop.

[Tresa]

It might be your friend's way of saying "what's up" or that she's thinking about you when she calls you for a date. You could offer another way to connect with her, or give her a few minutes of a phone chat in lieu of being her dd or whatever.

[annettemarie]

I'm an introvert, and I find myself drawing even more inward when pregnant. I don't blog as much, I don't chat as much, I don't even get into really complex online discussions. It's hard, but I just try to explain that I feel like all my energy is going into growing the babies and I just don't have a lot leftover.

[pacifica]

it feels wonderful not be alone with these feelings.

[COgirl19]

I am usually pretty social but NOT when pregnant. I would prefer to go live a hermit life in the mountains as soon as I know I am pregnant. I am not sure why but I just have no interest in socializing. I guess it's pretty normal from the look of this thread.

[dovey]

Same feelings here. Only we live down the street from my parents. They love to have the grandkids over or to play with them at my house.

The way I've solved it is firmly announcing that certain days of the week are our alone/home days. I just don't pick up the phone on those days and spend time resting, reading, playing and doing projects with my kids. It usually works pretty well.

[Galatea]

I get pretty inward-focused, too, when pg, so I get it. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you should try to explain gently to your friends what is up with you, but still maintain some non-alcohol playdates, with the caveat that though you will definitely show up, you may leave early. They will likely actually help your mood, and you don't want to alienate all your friends now and not have any when you are feeling social again.

[dearcory]

I've become increasingly more antisocial now that I'm pregnant. It's over 105 degrees here now and I don't find it's worth the effort to go anywhere. My son needs his social fix though so I'm trying to keep a balance. I've been mostly going out and doing things alone with him, instead of going to playdates or taking friends up on invites. This might also stem from the fact that I don't really like the attention and constant questions about how im feeling, baby names, etc that comes along with being pregnant.

[forest~mama]

I am great at talking to people, but I'm anti-social. I have always had very social jobs, and do great at them, but my home is my haven, and we're very private people. When pregnant I am even more so this way. The only bad thing about having a homebirth was that we had to invite all those relatives to our house to meet our dd afterward.

[pacifica]

I get anxiety thinking about people coming to meet the baby, etc. Mine and dh's family all live out of state and, so far, my Mom and sister are flying in when baby is born. They are fine, I'm happy they are coming, but any other relatives would cause me anxiety.

I had 3 friends wanting to give me a baby shower and I declined, mostly because we need NOTHING and don't want people to spend money on items we truly don't need, but also to avoid the whole gathering as well.

[forest~mama]

I did not really enjoy my baby shower. I'm glad this is baby #2 and hopefully nobody will get the idea to do it again!