Potting training--please give me advice/ideas

[tana'smama]

My dd is 28 months and I am having the hardest timing potty training her. She tells me when she is 'doodling' and when I ask her if she is ready to sit on the pot her answer is always no. A friend suggested making a sticker board to reward her and that went over about as good a doodle in a punch bowl. I showed her the board and explained to her that every time she used the potty I would give her a sticker to put on the board. She was so focused on that one sticker that she immediately went into meltdown mode wanting more stickers. She is a highly sensitive child and I just don't know what to do. I'm also dealing with trying to get her to give a bottle up when she naps. She uses a regular cup all day long but has to have her 'bottle' at night when she goes down.

Please help me with any ideas/advice/suggestions you have.....I don't want to have the only 16 year old at prom sucking on a bottle and wearing a Depends undergarment

[Bokonon]

She'll do it when she is ready. It's very hard, if not impossible, to potty train a child who isn't ready.

I'm sure she won't be wearing Depends at the prom. I know about 100 5-year olds, and all of them are potty-trained. Some were done at 2, and some were 4 (like my son, who was done with diapers at 4 years, 3 months). They all did it when they were ready, and not a moment before.

[tana'smama]

I guess since my experience with children has been virtually zilch until she came along, I really don't know what the 'normal' age of potty training to be. I just pick up tidbits here and there and it seems like my dd is lagging behind. I guess I need to stop comparing her to other children

[rightkindofme]

My daughter is 25 months and we have been doing EC since she was 4 months old.

She's not potty trained/potty independent. There are days when she flat out says that she is not interested in pottying. We have weeks, sometimes a month or so at a time when she just won't potty. And then we won't have an accident for three months.

I have mostly just decided that this is not a hill to die on. Eventually stuff will be figured out. And man, if you feel like you are 'behind' on potty training it's even worse when I talk to other ECers who are all, "Oh I had my child in panties full time at 14 months!" Awesome! I'm glad your kid could do that! Mine just isn't interested. erf!

[QuestionGal]

this probably isn't going to be a popular response here but this is what we did:
1) introduced the potty(ies) and explained what they were for. Bought Elmo's Potty Dvd, potty books, etc. Tried the make the potty a normal, around the house, thing (they were scattered in rooms where DS spent alot of time so he wouldn't have to run across the house to the bathroom)
2) planned for several days where we did NOT have to leave the house
3) introduced our reward system (a chocolate chip) and put them in a little jar near each potty (within eyesight but out of reach)
4) spent 2 days "bottom less" (DS was totally wiling to use the potty if he was bottom less but if he had ANYTHING on he'd just go in whatever it was)
5) Gave DS lots of Juice and stuff that would make him need to go more often (I would NOT suggest doing this as he'd never had juice before and it seriously irritated his gut causing gas & pain and created a major fear of pooping that took MONTHS to overcome).
6) after the bottom less days we spent a few days in underwear (to kind of reinforce the idea of NOT going in your clothes). If he had an accident I never got mad, just asked him to put his wet clothes in the laundry room and go get clean ones or he could go bottomless for awhile if he wanted. Our phrase was "Sometimes, accidents happen and it's okay, now time to clean up!"
7) we still did pullups for naps/nighttime b/c DS would actually wake up and tell us he needed to go, pull ups were easier to get on/off than a diaper.

This all worked GREAT for peeing on the potty but b/c of his pain/fear cycle he still wanted to wear a pull up to poop in. So he'd ask for a pullup if he needed to poop.

I know that bribing is seriously frowned upon but that is totally what worked for us, instant reward vs understanding the concept of accruing points for a reward. Once the jar was empty that was it, no more chocolate chips (it was a baby food jar). If he went back to having accidents (which was rare) we'd go back to a bottomless day at home. I started out asking him every set time if he needed to go, then worked down to just asking him to try before naps/bed/leaving the house. I made a HUGE deal of it when he went w/out being asked. Oh, we also took pictures and sent them to Dada at work, called some of DS's favorite people to he could tell them that he went potty, etc.

We also tended to talk/model our own potty needs "oh, I have a feeling like my pee pee is ready to come out, I think I'll go sit on the potty and try" and then we'd all head off to the bathroom together. Mommy & Daddy also got to partake in the potty rewards (DS LOVED getting to reward us for going potty).

[trini]

We did nothing (besides the unavoidable having him in the bathroom with us when we were using the toilet - as if he would have given us any privacy anyway). The day after his 3rd birthday he told me he wanted underwear. That was that. No stress, no pressure. When they're ready, they're ready.

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by QuestionGal

this probably isn't going to be a popular response here but this is what we did:
1) introduced the potty(ies) and explained what they were for. Bought Elmo's Potty Dvd, potty books, etc. Tried the make the potty a normal, around the house, thing (they were scattered in rooms where DS spent alot of time so he wouldn't have to run across the house to the bathroom)
2) planned for several days where we did NOT have to leave the house
3) introduced our reward system (a chocolate chip) and put them in a little jar near each potty (within eyesight but out of reach)
4) spent 2 days "bottom less" (DS was totally wiling to use the potty if he was bottom less but if he had ANYTHING on he'd just go in whatever it was)
5) Gave DS lots of Juice and stuff that would make him need to go more often (I would NOT suggest doing this as he'd never had juice before and it seriously irritated his gut causing gas & pain and created a major fear of pooping that took MONTHS to overcome).
6) after the bottom less days we spent a few days in underwear (to kind of reinforce the idea of NOT going in your clothes). If he had an accident I never got mad, just asked him to put his wet clothes in the laundry room and go get clean ones or he could go bottomless for awhile if he wanted. Our phrase was "Sometimes, accidents happen and it's okay, now time to clean up!"
7) we still did pullups for naps/nighttime b/c DS would actually wake up and tell us he needed to go, pull ups were easier to get on/off than a diaper.

This all worked GREAT for peeing on the potty but b/c of his pain/fear cycle he still wanted to wear a pull up to poop in. So he'd ask for a pullup if he needed to poop.

I know that bribing is seriously frowned upon but that is totally what worked for us, instant reward vs understanding the concept of accruing points for a reward. Once the jar was empty that was it, no more chocolate chips (it was a baby food jar). If he went back to having accidents (which was rare) we'd go back to a bottomless day at home. I started out asking him every set time if he needed to go, then worked down to just asking him to try before naps/bed/leaving the house. I made a HUGE deal of it when he went w/out being asked. Oh, we also took pictures and sent them to Dada at work, called some of DS's favorite people to he could tell them that he went potty, etc.

We also tended to talk/model our own potty needs "oh, I have a feeling like my pee pee is ready to come out, I think I'll go sit on the potty and try" and then we'd all head off to the bathroom together. Mommy & Daddy also got to partake in the potty rewards (DS LOVED getting to reward us for going potty).

This is what we did/do. I like it. We started just after DS turned 2. We didn't increase fluid intake though, just did it as normal.

[LauraN]

The more work and stress you put into it, the more work and stressful it will be. My three kids have very different personalities. The only thing they have in common is a mom who believes they'll potty train when they're ready and doesn't care when that is. My oldest, highly sensitive DS announced he wanted no more diapers at 3.5. My DD was 2.5. And I was quite surprised when my 2.5 DS announced it a week ago

BTW, I have found that attitude to be helpful for all the milestones along the way--kids learn when they're ready, not on someone else's timetable. 28 months is awfully little still!
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[azzeps]

I have been thinking about this, too! DD is 2.25, and I just think that if I don't lead the way with the potty, then she is not going to up and decide one day that she wants to. I could be wrong, but I think she could probably get it figured out pretty quickly with some m&ms and perhaps some cute undies as an incentive. And I do feel like they kind of need an incentive, because having a diaper is so much easier than going potty. And I guess if she doesn't learn how to use the potty, then I'll back off for a while and try again later.

[trini]

Originally Posted by azzeps

I have been thinking about this, too! DD is 2.25, and I just think that if I don't lead the way with the potty, then she is not going to up and decide one day that she wants to. I could be wrong, but I think she could probably get it figured out pretty quickly with some m&ms and perhaps some cute undies as an incentive. And I do feel like they kind of need an incentive, because having a diaper is so much easier than going potty. And I guess if she doesn't learn how to use the potty, then I'll back off for a while and try again later.

(bolding mine)

Why do you think this? Crawling is probably a heck of a lot easier than learning to balance and walk, and letting someone else feed you is easier than doing it yourself, yet I imagine these are all milestones your dd has passed.

My ds never minded diapers at all. He would walk around all day with a wet or poopy diaper if I let him, yet he still asked for underwear on his own. I just trusted that he would do it and he did.

(Not trying to give you a hard time, just don't see your logic.)

[Jayray]

I just finished reading "Diaper Free Before 3" and it was really eye-opening as far as where our current potty training ideas ("readiness" etc.) came from and gave some great info. I only have a 13 mo, though, and he's my first, so I can't give any real advice. I just really liked the book.

She did say not to ask, "do you want/need to go to the potty?" rather just to say, "time to go to the potty!" It's okay if they don't actually go, just to have intervals during the day when they sit on the potty. She's also down on rewards, but I think you gotta do what you gotta do.

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by trini

(bolding mine)

Why do you think this? Crawling is probably a heck of a lot easier than learning to balance and walk, and letting someone else feed you is easier than doing it yourself, yet I imagine these are all milestones your dd has passed.

My ds never minded diapers at all. He would walk around all day with a wet or poopy diaper if I let him, yet he still asked for underwear on his own. I just trusted that he would do it and he did.

(Not trying to give you a hard time, just don't see your logic.)

It is easier to crawl than walk for most babies. My sister was quite lazy and my parents did have to motivate her to walk. She preferred crawling for quite awhile, even though she could walk.

[aikigypsy]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

My daughter is 25 months and we have been doing EC since she was 4 months old.

She's not potty trained/potty independent. There are days when she flat out says that she is not interested in pottying. We have weeks, sometimes a month or so at a time when she just won't potty. And then we won't have an accident for three months.

I have mostly just decided that this is not a hill to die on. Eventually stuff will be figured out. And man, if you feel like you are 'behind' on potty training it's even worse when I talk to other ECers who are all, "Oh I had my child in panties full time at 14 months!" Awesome! I'm glad your kid could do that! Mine just isn't interested. erf!

I'm glad to hear this. My DD is 31 months old now and has been reliable with poo for ages and ages, but pee, especially if she's wearing anything on her bottom, is only 75-90% most days. She doesn't go when she's tired or distracted, and she needs reminders. When she's with someone other than me, she rarely gets taken to the potty and so the "miss" rate goes way up. As for nights and naptimes, forget about it! I had a lot of success with nighttime EC until she was about 12 months old, then it all went out the window and I decided to just wait until she was ready, which could be a long time. I mean, even as an adult I have to get up and pee in the middle of the night, so she might just be one of those people who can't naturally hold it all night.

Sorry for the off-topic rant. At 28 months, if I were you, I'd do lots of bare-bottomed time and reminders, and not expect instant success.

[IsaFrench]

I did m& m's, bare bottom for 2 days then underwear & mainly staying home for the first 3 days .... but not at the same age for each of my 3 children

where I live, the un-official "cut off date" is September the year they turn 3 so that they can go to free state kindergarten, 98% of people do send their children to it so if you want to take advantage of the "free" childcare, better be trained by September ... but really I can see that although most children manage it by that age, not every one of them can ....

= it all depends really, some children can early, some can later
+ it depends also on your "local" culture, I mean in some areas you might be given dirty looks if you start "too early", in some area same dirty looks if you start "too late" .... I suppose that most children achieve diaperless stage between 2 and 4 .... so, no need to rush .... maybe you can make a list of advantages and inconvenients so that you can truly decide what's best for you to do right now ....

[AmyKT]

I never, ever, ever believed I'd have a 33 month old who had no interest in using the potty, but here we are. I had that belief because 1) she's a girl and everyone said girls learn faster and 2) I was supposedly potty-trained by 18 months and 3) come on, she's the smartest most specialest girl in the world!

If I weren't 3 weeks or less away from having my second baby, I might be stressing a little more about it, but I, too, have decided to not make this a battle I choose. She will wear panties and go on the potty when she is ready. She knows what it is and how it works, it's just not an interest of hers right now. But man, I hate buying and throwing away diapers! (hoping to make cloth diapers work this next time).

[azzeps]

@trini, I never said it was logical!! It's just a feeling I have about my daughter, because I know her. Everyone's child is different. My feeling on it is that I'm tired of changing diapers, and if I could have a child that would go in the potty, then why not? Obviously, I'm not going to force her to use the potty, or turn the whole thing into a giant power struggle, but I don't see what's wrong with giving her a nudge in that direction and backing off if it doesn't work. My daughter is very persistent, and I think that by putting off potty learning, I would just have an even more persistent child to work with than I do now. I also realize that it will be on me to make the learning a FUN and EXCITING game, and not a chore.

Maybe it's just cuz I'm tired of washing diapers!!!