Transitioning from 1 to 2 with toddler

[sharr610]

I know I'm not the only one of us going through/gone through this.

So, DS is just 3 years old. DD is 5 days today. I know we have time to work things out. But seriously, its been really hard!

My in-laws are here to help keep DS occupied, but ntheir style is a bit different than mine in some areas(eat every bite on your plate, mock him when he whines...), but will hear me when I tell them to back down a bit on things.

But what they, and DH, keep doing is if DS starts getting too close to babe(something we HAVE to let him do in my opinion, we just have to set boundaries), bugging me, etc, they just remove him from me without me even saying I need him removed. Its bugging me and I'm trying to be more vocal about it.

So this afternoon, DS and I tried to spend time together watching a movie in my room while I nursed the babe. He was good for a while until he totally stopped listening, eventually, I raised my voice, and he had to be removed.

It breaks my heart .

Everyone keeps saying it gets better. But they also all said it would be amazing how easy the transition would be, so I'm not so trusting of "everyone" right now. I also wonder if my support team isn't helping things, although I do really appreciate the time and energy my inlaws are able to give DS. They spend hours each day(except today they seem to have disappeared?) doing fun stuff with him, so DH can wait on me.

Ok, I'll stop hormonally babbling. Thoughts?

[mommariffic]

I'm with you momma

I've got a just about 3 years old, and it's a challenge! DD loves her little brother so much, and I can say she's really helpful with the baby stuff & she's always kissing him/asking about him.

But, I feel terrible. I'm basically nursing most of the DAY it feels like, and it's been 100 degrees + 100% humidity here so I can't really take DS out to the park or anything, because it's just too HOT for his little 10 day old body. DD needs a lot of outside time and has a lot of energy that needs to get burnt so I have a mothers helper for the rest of July who's taking her to the park/doing things with her while I get my energy back/nurse/nap.

And, we are watching way more TV than normal [which, normally I try to avoid it at all costs] but snuggling on the couch for movies is where I'm at now

It'll get easier! I keep telling myself that.

[homew/two]

No advice to offer, but my 3yo dd is having a hard time too. She's having melt downs and potty accidents both of which she hasn't had in months. And she is so completely, totally over helpful. She is all over the baby, covering her with blankets, snuggling in next to her while she's asleep. Ada was even asleep on my bed upstairs mid day and when I hear her cry I went up and dd had moved her from my bed, down the hall to her bed!!!

2 pieces of advice: Our 3 year olds are in transition, they will be fine they just need some time.

I know it seems impossible but you and your 3yo should get some time just the two of you - even if it's not an exciting activity - the next quick run to the grocery store or whatever.

[slsurface]

Well, my guy is nearly 4 and is also having a tough time with the transition. I think it's party because he has SPD - sensory processing disorder. DS2 is now 9 days old. The first few days home with him were really rough for DS1. He screamed a lot and had huge tantrums over every little thing. My sister and mom were here during this time. The past couple days have been incrementally better - but our "help" has left. I think having others around was actually hurting, not helping because of inconsistent expectations and treatment.

I also try to spend quality time with DS1 every day - even if it's only a few minutes. I give him a bath, read a book, play pretend, or whatever he wants. I try to have DH watch the baby while I do things with DS1. I also have made a point to make him lunch just the way he wants it to make him feel special.

We haven't been pushing DS1 to "like" or "love" his baby brother. Rather, we involve him whenever he seems willing and interested. He helps with diapering and asks to hold his brother on occasion.

We have our good moments and our extremely bad moments - I'm sure things will even out in the coming months. Good luck!

[bdoody11]

I just wanted to say I totally understand! My DD#1 had a very rough transition, but I'm here at 6 weeks to tell you it does get better. We still have the "too much" love problem, but as the baby gets bigger I get much less anxious. We definitely still have our days, but we are all much happier now than at, say, 7 or 9 days out.

Good luck to all!