First time Momma Needing some help

[MrsSmith0602]

Hi ladies!
So, I'm a first timer, due August 4th. I just found out that my OB is not supportive of my natural birth goal. I know there are ways to prepare for a natural birth, but I'm at a loss. I've read some Bradley method, but I want all my options open. I am determined to have this baby naturally and thankfully my husband is 100% behind me. I would love to know any relaxation techniques or stories you ladies could share with me. Thanks!!!

[lovebeingamomma]

Hire a birth doula!

[jengacnm]

What she said.

And consider changing providers.

[AmaraMonillas]

I agree with both previous posters. I would absolutely not keep myself under that OB's care.
Also Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is an excellent read for preparing for a natural birth, and it does not preach a specific coping style.

[~Kristina~]

Everything they said.

[cathicog]

What all the previous posters said, especially about changing providers. That person will not allow you to have a natural labor...so, here's what you could do...stay home,with the doula you hire, until the contractions are 2-3 min apart,(from beginning of one to the beginning of the next one) and 60-90 seconds long. You shouldn't be able to talk thru them at all. If you wait til then to go to the hospital(I would see about birthing in a free-standing birth center, or at home- many midwives would take you, some up until 39 weeks or so) you would probably be about 6-7 cm by that time, and well into active labor, with transition not too far off...The longer you wait, the less likely they will have time to interfere.. That seems to have worked for most of my doula clients.

[sweeetpea]

Agree with the previous posters on getting a doula, reading a lot about natural birth and techniques to use in labor, and changing providers. Of the three, I think changing providers is the most important (being a doula myself, that is saying a bit!). Why?

Because I have seen providers who are not supportive of natural birth actively sabotage the mamas who are planning intervention-free births. Scheduling late-term ultrasounds, to "check on the baby", then finding a reason to induce - ginormous baby, low amniotic fluid, whatever - leading down that slippery slope of unnecessary interventions, often resulting in a c/section that is unnecessary, or becomes necessary at the time, but only because the baby was so stressed by all the interventions.

If you plan to decline their u/s/induction/mandatory continuous monitoring, you get emotionally blackmailed and bullied, with providers telling you that you will have a dead baby if you do not go along with their orders. No Joke - this happens all.the.time.

It is very difficult to be emotionally strong enough to fight hard at the end of pregnancy or in labor, especially for most first timers. It is much better to have changed to a provider who is on the same page as you, and can emotionally support you, not batter you down.

I have had clients change at 38, 39, 41 weeks, so it is not too late. Talk to doulas in your area, contact ICAN to find a provider who will actually work with you, not against you. If that provider's front office staff says s/he can't take you on, ask to talk to the doctor or midwife directly yourself to explain why you want to switch.

Best wishes!

Disclaimer - not all providers who are unsupportive of natural birth actively sabotage their patients' efforts.

[phathui5]

Don't be afraid to switch to a more supportive provider.

[Charmie981]

As a midwife friend said the other day, "it's only too late to change providers when you're crowning." Change providers. If someone is hostile toward your hopes for your birth, it will only bring more difficulty to what is already hard work.

[momto9kidlets]

First and foremost I would change providers because if your provider truly wants something - even if you don't - he or she will find a way to get their way. I have seen this mulitiple times with a certain provider where I teach. The families always thing theyc can stand up to him, but the way he states things while in labor causes them to think they had to have the procedure, cesarean or whatever it is that he wants. This provider that I am thinking of has a very high induction rate - moms come in for their induction, get their epidural immediately, have an episiotomy and a vacuum extracted birth. I have taught some of the families in his practice and have seen them say things like they know what they want and they won't let him talk them into anything - seen strong dads saying they would protect their wives and low and behold they have an induction at the end saying they had to for the health and safety of their baby. These are very educated families too.

I would find a new provider and consider hiring a doula.

[EllyMayMomma]

I would like to second the above post and emphasize that the mothers walk away GRATEFUL to their Wonderful Doctor who “saved” their baby’s life because of the “emergency” that would have KILLED the baby if that “emergency” c-section had not been performed. The mother spends the rest of her life believing this lie and has one or two repeat c-sections because the medical society convinces them that it if they vbac, the baby and possibly mom, will die due to rupture.

I have known several moms who have had their tubes tied because the doctor convinced them that a repete c-section (done two weeks early sometimes) was just in the nick of time because rupture of the scar would have occurred within the next 48 hrs and they would have a dead mom and baby. I know of two families who went on to adopt because momma “COULD NOT” risk another c-section. In one family, the dad was a local doctor who had totally bought in to the medical agenda. Doctors are perfectly comfortable giving graphic very scary details to convince the parents of the lifesaving measures that took place.

The problem many women have is sometime after the fact, they find info that truly sheds light on the situation and they regret what they have lost. Yes, a healthy mom and baby is the ONLY choice that a mom will pick if given the choice of interventions or not but our society exalts “emergency” situations and actions and in the medical field, doctors are not above making themselves look the hero, especially if it is time and cost effective for himself. And to give many doctors and nurses their credit, they have been so completely taken in by the medical teaching that they often believe the interventions were necessary.

Sorry this is so long and I will step down off my soap box now but please ----change your provider.

[kcparker]

Just to touch on your original query too - learn to do deep relaxation, visualizations, self-hypnosis, whatever you want to call it. If you have done yoga, you know how to breathe, how to listen to your body, how to move as your body demands, accept stretching and tightness. If you play music, do art, are a killer-good chess player, a distance runner or a good athlete, you know how to give yourself over to a non-verbal part of your brain. If you have a personal relationship with God, you know how to pray and release your well-being into the loving arms of a Higher Power. If you are Buddhist, you know how to sit zazen and be open to things as they arise. We ALL have the power to get into the labor brain, as long as we can allow our rational, judging mind to get out of the way, to release its hold on the everyday world and let us float in the deeper pool that is labor and birth. Here are some places to go (here and here) to listen to some relaxation mp3s. Do some deep relaxation every day for at least 15 minutes. Train your body to melt like butter so that it will not fight your uterus.

If you have fear or anxiety, deal with these now, look them in the face, replace them with more positive affirmations and intentions. Fear is your main enemy in labor. Well, fatigue too, but fear is even worse because it makes you fatigued prematurely. If you are afraid of your doc, replace him, like everybody else said.

And get a doula, and stay home as long as you can. You can do it!

[msmiranda]

I know this wasn't your question, but when an OB flat out tells you that he or she does not support natural birth, and that is your goal, you must run, not walk, away from that practice. Everything said above is true: if this doc wants a certain outcome, he/she will find a way to make it happen unless you are the rare woman who is capable of fighting during labor (I couldn't). Most docs will at least say that it is your choice to give birth med-free even if they doubt you *can* or *will* do it. This clown is being good enough to give you a very clear warning of what you are in for if you allow him/her to attend your birth. I know there are administrative barriers/hassles involved with changing providers. It is the path of least resistance to stay. But do you really want to take that risk?

[Lilygoose]

Changing providers is your best bet. It may be hard, but see if you can find a contact who has a connection. I changed providers at 38 weeks for this very reason. I took Bradley classes and my instructor advocated for me with her previous CNM practice. At first they told me it was too late, but I called back and spoke directly to one of the midwives (this is important-don't be put off by a receptionist) and told her my story, how important a natural birth was to me and how much I really please needed them to see me and deliver my baby. She met with the other midwives and they agreed. The reason your provider's philosophy is so important is because as strong willed and forthright you may be as a person (and i am) there are events at birth that can change things very quickly. My DD was almost 11 pounds at birth and I was 2 weeks late. My CNM's were okay with my choices to wait, and to birth naturally. If I had stayed with my previous OB practice I would have ended up with a ceasarean b/c of the size of the baby and would have had a real struggle in advocating not to induce b/c i was so "late." Also if there are things that come up providers with experience in natural childbirth are better able to address them naturally. My DD was stuck (as in face turning blue, was not coming out any further stuck) my midwife (b/c she knew the baby was large and had experience with natural childbirht had already called in extra nurses to help (by pushing on my stomach according to my hubby-I don't remember that at all) before we reached that point b/c she thought it was a possibility. Needless to say my experience was very positive b/c of the midwife and I was able to birth naturally. If I had stayed with my previous practice I am positive they would have demanded a C-section and told me my baby's life was in danger without one b/c of her size. At some point if enough doctors tell you that it is likely that you'll believe them. Its not like saying no to the epidural-which is about you and pain, not your baby and life and death. If birthing naturally is important to you having a provider who supports it is really important.

[AustinMom]

Originally Posted by sweeetpea

If you plan to decline their u/s/induction/mandatory continuous monitoring, you get emotionally blackmailed and bullied, with providers telling you that you will have a dead baby if you do not go along with their orders. No Joke - this happens all.the.time.

TOTALLY SECOND THIS. Again, not all providers, but keep in mind, even if your OB is supportive of natural birth, you don't see them much in labor, so you are left to deal with hosptial staff, who are not used to women having natural births, and therefore think it's 'more dangerous' and are more comfortable with interventions because they see them all the time, and that is the norm for them. So Yes, to the Doula, Yes to changing CPs, and yes to looking into a birthing center/homebirth.

I'd DEFINITELY watch The Business of Being Born. It gives you an idea of what we are all talking about.

Keep in mind what true informed consent is, and it's not, ok, what are the risks, it's more than that, it's also, what happens if I do nothing, or go home, etc. So if you show up in labor and you are not dilated far, go home, rest, get in the bath cope with contractions away from stresses/stressors, and then go back. That's when the hospital usually pulls the 'dead baby card' as I've had it done with the mom I was doula-ing for and it was so sad to see her cope with that.

Oh, The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth is a must read, as it goes over the interventions and other protocols and if they are truly necessary and what they are and how they have been studied.

[Gena 22]

Remember - the average gestation for a first timer is 41w 1d. So at 41w you are not a "week overdue" you are still earlier than the average. Ask you mom about her labor - mine was very like my mom's, "late" and longish.

Do some good reading or watching, Pushed by Jennifer Block is good.

Change providers if you can, get a doula if you can.

But most importantly - keep cool and stay home as long as you can. Then stay home a little longer. And get your husband on board with this plan. I wish I had prepared mine a little better. He got antsier than I was!

[Galatea]

It is very rare to be able to successfully fight an uphill battle against your OB while in labor. The doctor is telling you who he is and what will happen - listen to him, and switch now.

[BarnMomma]

YES to much of what was written.

Change providers!

Hire a doula-if you do only one thing make it this! You need someone telling you that all you are experiencing is normal and helping you through it all. It is the best $ I ever spent!!!!

Read all the above mentioned books. Watch businessof being born.

On a personal note- I had the birth from hell w/my first. The OB turned on me at 39 weeks for asking toomany questions apparently and refusing a test. During my labor, despite my son never being in distress and my own body having no problems thet played the dead baby card in the nastiest way possible and terrorized me into a c-sec. A 100% unnecessary one. (I've had my records reviewed by 3 parties-totally unnecessary)

I would stress the doula and new provider.

Also be ready to really stand up for yourself and not be intimidated by words like "protocol" or "policy." You can say no and you might have to do it with some umph.

fyi- birth #2 was hospital but w/midwives- beautiful natural vbac but I still had to stand my ground w/ some nurses

[suddenlyamama]

kind of late to change providers now. I am in the same boat. But at 34 weeks when I called every...quite literally every provider in the area, they informed me that they don't take transfers or were full.

But, something else to think about. GET A DOULA. She will help you, advocate for you.
Don't forget that you have a RIGHT for as natural of a birth as possible. I know it is so hard to think about entering into the hospital on guard, but as a mama, if you know what is best for you and your baby...do it.
My doula told me to always, unless it was an instantaneous emergency, to ask the doc to leave the room before making any decisions. Never in their presence so that you don't feel pressured.
Also, deep breaths. Focus on bringing your baby into the world peacefully and imagine that the nurses will support you, the doctor will support you, and most importantly...YOU will deliver your baby, not them.
best of luck.
(Half that pep talk was for me too...due monday :-)

[suddenlyamama]

One more thing, doulas were so expensive where I live so I called one of the local birth training centers and the head lady sent out a message for a volunteer doula. I had at least 10 ladies offer to help me.
blessings!