Originally Posted by Lisa1970
I would not say it screws them up, but it messes with children. Plus, rarely are divorced people nice to each other. They tend to drag the children in to it. It is extremely hard on children to not really have a home, but rather have two places they visit.
If someone needs to divorce, then it is the better alternative to whatever is going on. But, people should work at their marriage. I have seen people claim the other person is abusing them just because the other person did not have sex with them at 3am. That is not abuse. It is not ok to have an affair and then leave because you would be happier elsewhere. If that happens, then I would wonder how long that person would be happier there.
I think that a child being reared by someone who would
claim abuse, then leave their spouse and child over not getting sex at 3 am (and I really, really doubt that's all that was going on, but that's kind of beside the point), is going to have big problems, whether that parent does or doesn't leave. It's not the divorce that's the problem - it's the selfishness of the parent involved.
|I have rarely know of a divorce that should have happened.
What on earth makes you think that you know why any
My ex's friends and family - and my own sister - thought I was blowing things out of proportion, etc. and was being completely unreasonable when I kicked my ex out. I won't even repeat the names I was called behind my back, or the allegations that were being made about how it all went down - and some of the people saying that stuff had known me since I was a child. Everybody and their dog (except my bff and my mom) "knew" that my divorce shouldn't have happened, and I just wasn't working hard enough at it.
Oddly enough, after one of his friends offered my ex a place to stay (because his life was in shreds, because of that @#(*&% ex-wife), that same friend ended up apologizing and wondering how I lived with that crap as long as I did. He (the friend) filled a few other people in, and that was that. But, I suspect if my ex hadn't stayed there, that whole crew would be thinking there was no reason for us to have ever split up, even 10 years later. We can't see what goes on inside other people's marriages, and even my mom and bff only knew about about 75% of what was going on for me.
|Divorce does drag the children down. Divorce is awful for children and adults alike.
Actually, making up my mind to get a divorce was brutal...but actually getting
divorced? Freedom. It felt like a new lease on life, and it wasn't awful at all.
|People need to commit to their marriage or not get married in the first place. I understand there are times for a divorce where it is needed, but it still hurts the children.
hmm...looking back 10 years and extrapolating...I can say with about 99.9% certainty that my divorce hurt ds1 a lot
less than having both parents together would have. So, yeah - it hurt him...but there was no option that wouldn't, and divorce was definitely
the lesser of two evils.