Originally Posted by Arduinna
How are we defining ok?
Because most of the time IME the ok is defined as the kids not turning into a ax murderer or living their whole adulthood in their mothers basement. When ok should include such things as having a healthy sense of self, feeling safe in the world and able to make long lasting commitments to other people. Those are the things that are at risk as a result of divorce.
I think it is really important for children to have a mother and father that live together while growing up but those parents need to be mature enough to not inflict their relationship struggles ( we all have them at some point) on their children. It should never come down to a choice of kids living with parents that are always fighting in front of them vs living apart. There are cases where kids will be better off without one of their parents living in the home, but whatever has caused that situation to come to pass is going to effect them in some way.
Wow. I think that having 2 parents who are able to parent is MUCH more important than whether or not those parents actually live together. If I had stayed with my ex, I would NOT be able to parent effectively - b/c he was abusive. My child should grow up with both me and his dad in the picture, and with 2 parents who love him - I agree wholeheartedly. BUT - the big but here is that I should not be subject to abuse to live up to some Idealist notion. My son should be raised by a happy mom, and a happy dad. Now, thats impossible anyway, since his dad suffers chronic depression, body dysmorphic disorder, and possibly some other mental illnesses. BUT - he needs to have AT LEAST one parent who is stable, happy, and able to provide him with a happy stable home - neither of us could have done that if I was still living with his abuse.
I also think that kids pick up on relationship unhappiness - no matter how much the parents try to hide it. And if a parent is deeply unhappy (not having had a minor fight, but deeply unhappy all the time) kids are going to know about it - you can't hide that much emotion. Kids need to see that their parents have the right to be happy - b/c otherwise when they end up in a situation where they aren't happy as adults they won't know they deserve otherwise.
I don't think that divorce is the cause of so many of kids problems, I think parenting is. If you are able to parent effectively, then your kids will most likely turn out to be productive, happy individuals that are able to contribute to society. If a kid has 2 parents who are able to parent effectively, they will be more likely to become productive members of today's society.