4,5 yrs. - how can i help my dd to express her feelings ?

[whooopsy]

dd is 4,5 years old now - and her general personality is shy, just like mine and her dads. thats totally ok, i try not to pressure her in any way (especially since i know how that feels like from my own childhood).

dd is very introvertive in a way that she does not express her feelings - sometimes its even hard for me to "read" her facial expressions. she just doesnt share much with me or anyone else.

how can i support her to let her know that it is ok to feel and to express those feelings? i have the impression that she is very insecure and gives an answer according to what she thinks the other person might like hear.

[Pepe]

Hi there,
It might be helpful for you to talk about and label your own feelings in day-to-day situations--something you might not be inclined to do if you are an introvert. If you're annoyed when stuck in traffic or sad during a book or excited for a visit with the relatives, do you tell your daughter so? Something that seemed to work well for us was talking a lot and/or guessing about how characters feel in books, or even how they look like they feel in illustrated books (or TV or movies).

Perhaps you can bring feelings into the conversation by seeking out books that deal with anger or grief or other emotions. I can't seem to think of any right now--sorry!--but you might get some recommendations from a bookshop clerk. When DS was little, we read a very sweet book along the lines of "I love you when you're sad, I love you when you're mad..." (On a personal note, this sort of struck a chord with me because I got a message as a child that I had to be happy and cheerful all the time, so my other feelings alarmed me--not to say that's what your daughter has internalized, but that's what made me deliberately receptive to all of DS' feelings, even the ugly ones.)

If your daughter isn't too old for this, it's also kind of fun to play the "Let's see a HAPPY face! Now let's see an ANGRY face! Show me a FRUSTRATED face" game. You can take turns making the faces and guessing what they mean.

Good luck!

[crowcaw]

For my 4.5 yo who seemed to be having trouble expressing her feelins I got some "feeling faces" cards -- photographs of kids faces showing different emotions -- and first went through them a few at a time to see if dd recognized the emotions. Then we'd go back through them and talk about what maybe made the kids feel that way. I got the cards because I had had so little luck with getting her talk about her own feelings. Whenever I asked or tried to get her to talk I could tell she was uncomfortable and would just clam up. The cards are less threatening I think and kind of like a game and a were a good opening to get her to start talking about her own feelings.

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by Pepe

Hi there,
It might be helpful for you to talk about and label your own feelings in day-to-day situations--something you might not be inclined to do if you are an introvert. If you're annoyed when stuck in traffic or sad during a book or excited for a visit with the relatives, do you tell your daughter so? Something that seemed to work well for us was talking a lot and/or guessing about how characters feel in books, or even how they look like they feel in illustrated books (or TV or movies).

Perhaps you can bring feelings into the conversation by seeking out books that deal with anger or grief or other emotions. I can't seem to think of any right now--sorry!--but you might get some recommendations from a bookshop clerk. When DS was little, we read a very sweet book along the lines of "I love you when you're sad, I love you when you're mad..." (On a personal note, this sort of struck a chord with me because I got a message as a child that I had to be happy and cheerful all the time, so my other feelings alarmed me--not to say that's what your daughter has internalized, but that's what made me deliberately receptive to all of DS' feelings, even the ugly ones.)

If your daughter isn't too old for this, it's also kind of fun to play the "Let's see a HAPPY face! Now let's see an ANGRY face! Show me a FRUSTRATED face" game. You can take turns making the faces and guessing what they mean.

Good luck!

Ditto to this - x100. What a great reply.

My DS was not so great about expressing his specific feelings. There's more than just "happy" "sad" and "mad", kwim? I also try to label my feelings out loud. Feels weird at first, but it's helpful (and not just for my DS ). "I feel so FRUSTRATED right now because I can't get this knot out!" And I would ask questions to him that would open him up to the different emotions "Does it make you angry that she got the bigger piece?" "Are you disappointed F can't come and play with you today?"