2 or 3 Years Between? - Page 2

[EdnaMarie]

We waited 2.5 years. We were TTC recently having decided that it's got to be either two babies, or a child and a baby, but NOT A BABY AND A TODDLER. Because that was so freaking hard.

[limette]

DD1 and DD2 are 28 months apart and DD2 will be 28 months apart from her brother when he's born in August.

Both girls were potty trained by 2 so only 1 in diapers at a time. The girls love to play together, we'll see what happens when with the next one.

[dessismama]

The gap between my first and second and second and third is 33 months. It was a difficult first few months when each baby arrived. The gap between my third and fourth ones is 43 months and I liked that a lot better!! It has been easier all around... Of course, you need to decide what is best for your family!

[ohiomommy1122]

there is a 5 year gap between my older 2 and that seems to be to much (we thought we only wanted one at that time) my youngest 3 are all 19 months apart and that is a little hard but only the fisrt few months because both littles one still need to be carried to the car and such but that only lasted a few months. i like the 19 month spacing because they are so close in age but we are TTC number 5 when youngest is almost 2 making it a 2.5-3 year spacing only because my 2nd youngest is SUCH a handful and worry that his little brother is going to follow in his foot steps.

[Smokering]

Well, I haven't actually done it yet, but after reading a lot of MDC threads and doing some other research we're hoping to have another baby (birth, not conception) when DD's a few months shy of four.

I never intended to space my kids this far apart, but:

- DD is currently 2 1/3. I can NOT imagine having a newborn to care for as well as her! She's not a "hard" toddler, but she still breastfeeds, including at night, cosleeps and is not toilet trained (the latter is probably because I'm lazy, not because she couldn't do it, but still). She's not ready to nightwean or sleep alone, and I don't fancy the thought of sleeping with a baby AND a toddler - and a husband - in a mere queen-sized bed.

- I'll tandem-nurse if I have to, but I'd like DD to be old enough that if I feel the need to wean during pregnancy, or if my milk dries up, it won't be such a disaster. I think it's 70% of women who lose their milk supply during pregnancy? I'd like to CLW but if we start TTC when DD turns 3, I won't feel too guilty abut weaning if I have to.

- I've been reading a lot of Traditional Foodsy stuff lately, and one thing that kept cropping up was that traditional cultures tend to space children to 4ish years, to enable the mother to recover her nutrient stores. My diet is OK but not great, and I'd like to do some aggressive nutrition before I TTC again. I'm the third closely-spaced child in my family (3 kids in under 4 years) and think I can see the results of Mum's nutrient depletion in her health and mine.

- I'm only 24 - had DD when I was 21 - so I still have plenty of time, in theory, to have several children with generous spacing.

- I love the idea of DD being a help rather than a hindrance when the new baby comes, being really curious and interested in the process of pregnancy and birth, etc.

Plus there are some shallower reasons - like, it's easier to ask people to babysit a baby and preschooler rather than a baby and toddler! And, in all honesty, we might TTC a few months sooner except that we're taking an overseas trip next March. And Disneyland doesn't let pregnant women ride the coasters.

I do feel twinges of guilt that DD won't have a super-close-in-age sibling, but then, in my experience it evens out in the end. I mosly fought with my close-in-age siblings growing up; now as a 24-year-old, I'm close with all of them, from the 28-year-old to the 15-year-old and 13-year-old. If I were starting my family in my late thirties I'd definitely space them closer, but as it is - I love DD dearly, but I find the whole process of pregnancy, birth, postpartum recovery etc very taxing and I like having a bit of space to just be me between babies.

That said, I'll let you know how it turns out. Could be a disaster! And it definitely puts more pressure on us to TTC "efficiently" - I'd rather not have kids 5 or 6 years apart, so I'd start to feel pretty stressed if we didn't successfully conceive within the first few months of trying. As far as I know I have no fertility issues and I do chart, which increases our chances of conceiving early - but, you know. Something else to consider...

[AllisonR]

My 2 cents worth is:
1. unless you are a rabbit, you can't really exactly plan if it is goíng to be 2 or 3 years, hence the first t in ttc

2. No matter what the age difference, it seems to me totally luck of the draw - sex of the siblings, personality of each one, personality of parents....

3. my 2 are 2 years + 1 month apart and it is FABULOUS. For us. First 6 months were H-E-double toothpicks - having a newborn and a toddler is just wafully overwhelming. But after the baby was able to interact with the toddler, then walk and talk and play.... it has only gotten better and better. They are now 5 and 3 and the best of friends, and have been for 2 years. In our case, DS was first, and his personality is reserved and mellow, and also very imaginative. DD is more intense, but because of her more daring personality, because she is a sibling and imo because she is a girl, she has sort of caught up with DS so they can play and interact together really well. They still have their own interests (DS is into nature and legos, DD into drawing) but I think if there had been more years, they would be into totally different things. I keep holding my breath, grateful they are so compatible, and hoping it doesn't end.

[SilverFish]

we are planning to ttc after dd turns 2 and aiming for a spacing of approximately 3 years. we got preg really quickly the first time (like literally the first cycle) so i'm not anticipating too many problems.

our reasons:
personal experience... i have a sister 18 mos younger than me and hated it... too much competition, bad personality mix, unresolved feelings of clinginess to my mom. my dh and his brother are 3 yrs apart and are much more relaxed in their relationship.

my career... financially we can't (don't want to) afford to have a second without me going back to work full time and getting that year of maternity leave (yay canada!), and emotionally i'm not willing to go back to work before dd is a least 1 yr old.

physical and emotional health... like PP's have mentioned, it's better for maternal health to space the babies out, and pregnancy was really unpleasant for me... i want to be feeling really healthy and stable and good before doing this again.

savouring the baby stage... i don't like the idea of "getting the hard part done." i want to savour all these stages for as long as possible and really enjoy this new little family before adding another to the mix. plus, dd has an easy going personality like her dad, i'm not really anticipating any really really terrible stages.

i think it's unwise to space kids close together solely for the purpose of playmates. personality has way more to do with enjoying each other than age... if they have the personalities to really like each other, they'll be friends no matter how close they are in age... if they have mismatched personalities, i think a close age spacing is more stressful for them and the parents.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by scottishmommy

I think it also depends on how much you enjoy the baby stage. Personally, I love having a baby. I don't want to get it out of the way, I want to savor it. I love nursing and cding and all those baby things. M

This. Of course, my kiddos will be 16 months apart, but if I had to do it again, I'd want it closer to three. Enjoy your pregnancy, the baby stages, ect. They'll never come again.

I feel I can't celebrate DS's babyhood or this new pregnancy properly. *sniff*

[LDSmomma]

We're trying to make this decision, too. I have a friend who's kids are 22 months apart, and my DS is 18 months right now. When I look at my friends' kids, and how her experience is going, I think I could do that, if I had her kids. BUT, my DS is different from her DS. My DS is more spirited & active & physical, and less verbal. So, I think it'd be harder for our family to have kids that close. Also, I really don't want to have another baby near the same month as DS (or me or DH), so we plan to try to aim for a different time of year.

So, I think it depends on your child.

[Callimom]

I have both. My oldest is 3 years older than my twins who are 2 years older than my youngest. Both gaps were intentionally planned to be that way.

For my family its perfect but as PPs have said I think that it is dependent on so many factors. I think closely spaced kids are easier for parents who can roll with the chaos that comes with that. I like having very closely spaced kids because it means that we travel as a pod (important in homeschooling IME) and because my kids connect as friends as well as siblings for their entire lives, which is important to me. I have friends with more widely spaced children and I think that it presents a lot of challenges for them once they are through the baby stage. And IME it is hard to savour the baby stage once you have more than one or two kids. Things are just different and busier in ways that are hard to foresee when you only have one kid.

Good luck ttc!
Karen

[sewchris2642]

I am only 10.5 months older than my sisters (twins). While we did play together (more to do with personalities than spacing), we didn't really connect as friends until we were all adults. Even then, I have more in common (kids and sewing) with one of my sister than I do with the other (sewing). Joy and Erica didn't become friends until Erica got pregnant. Their adult bond is over kids. Dylan's relationships with Joy and Erica are more parent/child (20 and 17.5 year spacing) than his relationship with Angela (older/younger sibling; 13.5 year spacing).