want to run away and throw in the towel!

[herbmama3-7]

I am not usually a writer or a revealer of what is going on, but I needed to put something out there.

I have reached a point where I hate my husband and the life we have right now. We have been married for 9 yrs, got married at the age of 20 and 21 and I stayed with him and helped support him while he went to college and also got his masters degree in environmental engineering.

The plan was that everything was going to be ok by now, he would be a working professional, we would not be in debt and I would be in school finishing up my degree (holistic nutrition and herbology) which is my passion.

Instead we are $60,000 in debt, He is working so hard to barely get us by and I am working as a Bleeping waitress to make ends meet.

I am so mad that this is where we are at and find myself so mad at him for not being more successful. We have more hopes and dreams for our family and just seem to be going nowhere. I see no hope, I am a strong christian and am really mad at God, I have never felt that before, but I have been so faithful and feel abandoned.

I hate working as a waitress, it is a waste of time away from me pursuing my own dreams of school, I wouldn't be here at the age of 30 without a degree if my DH didn't get his bleeping masters degree and put us in a heap of debt. We would be better of if it wasn't for that degree. Isn't school supposed to put you on a fast track to a good life?

I can't help but think that if I didn't marry him I would have pursued my passions and not be in this hard spot. I am so thankful for my children, they are beautiful lights in my darkness, but I want to leave DH and take them and start a life for us without this $$ baggage. I can't take it anymore.

There I said it, so sorry for the raw and ugly honesty, there is no one I would say that to there face.

[Petronella]

Hi Herbmama, I`m surprised you didn`t get more replies as there are so many, many families in similar situations. I sooo understand these feelings of frustration as my husband and I have had almost identical problems. We made career mistakes, have debts, etc. We are very, very far behind our peers of similar age and our extended families in our standard of living. Until quite recently I had to ask my mother for money on an almost monthly basis! So embarrassing and depressing. You are so not alone!

I`ve waited tables too and currently work retail. And I`m a university grad too, with a degree that is actually in a practical field; but different things have combined to make it pretty unlikely that I could get a job in that field again. Anyway, I disagree that you are "wasting time" by doing this job. You are doing honest work and helping to support your family, what could be more important than this!

There is lots of practical advice for your situation, I would actually repost this in Frugality and Finances or Working Parents if you want a discussion more geared toward getting out of debt or you or your husband finding a better job. Is your husband not working in his field at all...or are you in an extremely high cost of living area?

As for the mental stress/anguish, some things that have worked for me include: finding things to appreciate in my life and family (I see you`re already doing this when you think of your children); making the best of working a non-dream job, by actually looking at possibilities for advancement within the company; making family time a priority with free or cheap activities; and reminding myself that money is NOT everything and I am so much more than my job title, my bank balance, or my credit rating.

Since you`ve posted in Mental Health and you say you "want to run away," if you really feel you can`t handle things, please seek out counselling and support! There are low-cost services in most communities. If you attend a church, ask your pastor or priest about resources. It`s part of their job to help out their congregation this way. Or look in the front of the phone book, google your community and "mental health resources," there are so many ways to find help! You deserve to feel happy and fulfilled.

Well I don`t know if I really have very good advice, I am so not an expert, but something in your post really struck a nerve with me! I just hate to read about a woman hating her life or her husband! God loves you and wants so much more for you! I`ll be praying for you. Please hold on and take care of yourself so you can continue to be a great mother to your little ones.

[mexicali mami]

Yes. Everything the previous poster said I agree with. It's just a really tough time economically for so many people right now. I don't have much advice, just that I am pretty much in the same boat as you are. I keep thinking what I could have done differently, and why aren't I living the life of my dreams yet. But that thinking gets you nowhere. Waitressing can wear you down and make you feel worthless, I've done it for years. But in general, it's still decent money and better than no job at all. You should keep studying herbs and the like, perhaps there's a free online course or someway that you could feel you are still progressing towards your goals.