How do you stay gentle in a non-negotiable situation?

[fairejour]

It doesn't happen to us much, but I am sure everyone here has had to face this.

So, what do you do when there is a non-negotiable situation?

Miss Kat took off her $8000 implant the other day and was being exteremly rough with it. She was angry and screaming and couldn't hear me and things spiraled pretty fast. Eventually, I overpowered her and took it from her I hate doing stuff like that but what choice do I have? I can't let the natural consequence of her breaking it happen!!!!!

What do you ladies do?

[Kristine233]

We all hate it, but some times situations come up where you simply can not let them do something whether for safety issues or for sheer monetary issues. You do what you have to do to make the situation stop as quickly and stress free as possible and don't beat yourself up about it.

If it happens in the future use words first "We can not play with that, please give it to mommy. Lets play with XYZ instead" or some other combination that would normally work with your child. Then if she doesn't relinquish it you use your words as you remove it physically from her. "We can not play with this, I am taking it now" add in whatever else you feel necessary. She needs to know its not ok and that you also will not play a game of "catch me" or "how serious is mommy" in order to get it back. Simply take it before she has a chance to react. Make it a non-issue, non-drama. You need it, she can't have it, you take it. End of story.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Really. Hugs mama.

[~cassie]

Been there, done that. It never happens now, but back in the day I always signed no/stop and held out my hand for him to hand them over or I took them away from him.

[2boyzmama]

I had this discussion with someone once, and I said something along the lines of "with special needs kids, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do." It wasn't well received, and I did a lot of back-pedalling trying to explain myself. What I meant is exactly like what you're saying. She MUST wear her ears, and she must NOT play with them. Therefore, you will on occassion have to be more assertive/aggressive and even "force" her to do something. That may seemingly go against gentle discipline, but like you said, it's non-negotiable. YOu didn't put her through surgery with an $8000+ implant for her to refuse to wear them or break them.

So I think being consistent but stern is the way to go. A simple "you may NOT do that, mommy is taking it now" is the way to go. Even if you sometimes are aggressive in the way that you "snatch" it from her.

The same goes for the mamas that have to hold their kids down to tube-feed them, or when I would pin Connor's arms down temporarily to hook up his PICC line. Like it or not, it had to be done. I did it as lovingly as possible, and as quickly as possible, but I did indeed restrain him in order to do what had to be done.

[KatWrangler]

I probably would of handled it like you did.

Gabrielle has been pretty rough on her braces. Thankfully they are pretty sturdy. VERY expensive, but sturdy.

[momtoalexsarah]

You have to do what you have to do sometimes. On several occations Megan has had to wear No-no's (arm braces used after cleft palate repairs) we had to use them after she had a bad fall and needed stiches on her face as well to keep her from picking. I have a tonne of at times really rude comments from people that did not understand. I would try and explain. After the cleft repair because if she stuck her hands- or anything in here mouth she would damage or cause infection and when she had the stiches because I didn't want her opening it up and infection was a risk as she just had topical Abx for a cut/scape that would normally been given orals and topical.
Even my 6 year old who has ADHD + something has had several times where the only option is to physicaly remove and object from him and him from a situation. I sucks and get all sorts of scorn but the ones that are doing the scoring are not living the situation every day and simply do not understand.
It's just like I no longer wonder what kind of parent is "allowing" there 4-5 year old to tantrum in a store - BTDT, I know to leave the parent to settle the child, and I feel bad for that parent - not think that they don't know what they are doing.