trying to figure out what my options are, wanting a more hands off approach

[mariekitt24]

*sigh* I'm really at a loss. I'm about a month pregnant and not sure what to do for prenatal care or the birth. I was really unhappy last time with the extreme amount of prenatal care I was forced to have through a state licensed midwife, and didn't find her useful at all during the labor. All it did was stress me out to go to appointments all the time. but she was covered by insurance. I didn't like her all that much and I dont think she liked me either.
Im looking into other midwifes in the area just in case any would be able to offer a more hands off approach. but honestly I dont think we could afford one that wasnt covered by insurance anyway even if by some small chance we did find the kind of midwife we were looking for.

I wouldn't mind going to a couple prenatal visits at the doctors office, but I have an anxiety disorder and am scared to death of what they would say to me when they knew I wasnt getting regular prenatal care and that I didn't want to do most of the tests they would try to force on me. (like for instance the first dr. I saw for my last pregnancy dumped me after I told her I didn't want regular ultrasounds.)

- Is it possible to just schedule a couple prenatal appointments here and there when I feel like it with a Doctor, instead of being on schedule? do I have to be assigned one particular Dr.? or if I go the Dr. route do I have to go all the time on their schedule?



I want to try homebirth again even though my last labor ended up in a hospital transfer because I couldn't take the pain of transition. I'm still grappling with trying to figure out if it was because of the cytotec I was induced with illegally, or if I just wasnt *woman* enough to take the pain.

Besides the obvious reasons women have homebirths, Part of the reason I want to try to have a homebirth again is to prove to myself that I can actually do it.
After my first birth I felt so defeated and like such a failure for transferring and it still effects me on a regular basis. I was really hoping this time, things would go better because I wouldnt be induced with cytotec, so that I wouldn't have to transfer and then I could be emotionally healed. I know everyone told me I wasnt a failure but I dont think I will ever stop feeling like one until I can have a successful home birth.

-Is that a crazy reason for wanting to try homebirth again?


I might want to have an uncontrolled birth this time. Im worried I wont be able to find the type of care I want anyway so it seems like the only option I have left. Doing my own prenatal care too. but the problem with that idea is my husband isnt comfortable with it. even though he knows what happens now during birth. If I were to have a midwife for the labor, I would rather she just be On Call instead of HAVING to be there from the start like last time. just sitting there staring at me. ugh.


I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have any words of encouragement? thank you for taking time to read this and please just remember its a really sensitive subject for me.

[cathicog]

YIKES- you were induced with cytotec at home? What was that midwife thinking? Hmmm...
I would check around, just ask other homebirthers, who they used and I would see if the midwives you interview would be able to be more hands off, and if they could send in the paperwork to your insurance company just like they were covered. Some ins. companies will pay for a homebirth, they don't realise it's at home... I am sure the cytotec (which shouldn't be used at all btw, even in a hospital) was probably the cause of the severe pain you were having. A normal labor would probably not do that to you...Ask the other hb midwives how they would handle a normal labor, ask what you said here...see what they say. There are some midwives who know "how to sit on thier hands", and others are very interventive, as you have found. Be specific...You may be able to do a barter with the midwife, too, as I know several who have gotten other services in exchange for a birth...best of luck, and this labor will probably be shorter (in a normal way) than the last...that still gives me the willies- you being induced with cytotec at home...Read what Dr. Marsden Wagner has to say about it...
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/cytotec.asp

[mariekitt24]

thank you for replying! yes I went over two weeks "overdue" and the cytotec was her last resort before she wasn't allowed to attend my birth anymore due to her state licensing requirements again. I'm sure she would have been much more willing to sit on her hands too if they weren't legally tied.

[Illiana]

IMO, She'd be better off fudging your dates than trying to use cytotec to induce you! I agree with pp. Chances are if left to birth naturally (and go into labor on your own) it'll probably be a cake-walk after experiencing the cytotec contractions. No advice really.. I'm a first time UCer (due Sept/Oct) and that decision came about from the lack of MWs (theres one in town) and with really funky laws in our state its way too expensive for me.

I'm really sorry you had to go through a labor like that and I hope you can find a MW who will be what you need.

[mariekitt24]

yeah I think you're right. thank you, your support means a lot to me!

[Magali]

Originally Posted by mariekitt24

I wouldn't mind going to a couple prenatal visits at the doctors office, but I have an anxiety disorder and am scared to death of what they would say to me when they knew I wasnt getting regular prenatal care and that I didn't want to do most of the tests they would try to force on me. (like for instance the first dr. I saw for my last pregnancy dumped me after I told her I didn't want regular ultrasounds.)

- Is it possible to just schedule a couple prenatal appointments here and there when I feel like it with a Doctor, instead of being on schedule? do I have to be assigned one particular Dr.? or if I go the Dr. route do I have to go all the time on their schedule?

I was just coming here to post about my similar feelings .

I don't have options for a midwife here. I started prenatal care with a family Dr. at 18 weeks. I have had 3 visits with her so far and each time I am stressed for days after. I have horrible headaches in the days after. I leave her office feeling sad/violated/defeated. My blood pressure is always higher than usual at her office. That is a concern to me, because I am scared of her "diagnosing" me as high risk for no reason. It's to the point that I have stopped enjoying this little life growing inside of me. And the thing is, I feel fantastic normally, and joyful about this baby. I know to some people this must sound so weird. How can a visit to the Dr. make me feel this way? But it just does.

I have declined the GD test/pap/breast exam. I have told her I want to use my fetoscope but she made fun of me that we are back in the 1900's, and I just let her use the doppler really quickly. She hasn't forced anything on me, but I still don't like being on the defensive. So I have decided to go back to Uping. At least that way I can get accurate blood pressure reading from home. I will see this Dr. at about 36 weeks for a GBS test and to submit my birth plan. If I don't have any problems then that is it.

You can decline anything you don't want. You can have as few visits as you want. It might not be easy if you are a stressy person like I am...but you can do it. For me, it is better for my health to not go back to the Dr. unless it is crucial medically. I have weighed out the pro's and con's of having a hospital birth and minimal prenatal care. And this way still comes out on top.

[mariekitt24]

Uping means you'll be doing your own prenatal care, I assume? Yeah I'm still really not sure if seeing a dr. is worth the anxiety attack. I know exactly how you feel, and I'm sorry that dr. made fun of you! I generally want to use a fetal scope as well. I was going to have my husband call them and ask them questions about things to see if we could find one that wouldnt treat us like crap for our choices. I guess the only real reason I might want to see a Dr would be to maybe get ONE ultrasound down the road to determine the sex. Is it possible to get an ultrasound any other way? (or even, to determine the sex another way?) It is selfish, but I really wanna find out.

I remember when my midwife made me get one last time I went to an independent ultrasound place but I think she had to have a recommendation from a midwife or dr to be able to proceed.

[Illiana]

if you just want one u/s to determine sex, i'd say just go to one of the 3d/4d imaging places. most will do a gender determination for you. that way you don't have to deal with a doctor making fun of you or anything else since its purely elective anyway.

[featherstory]

What are your purposes for prenatal care? If you just want a basic check-up certainly look into doing it on your own, sharing tools(blood pressure, scales etc.) with others, or using some other form of health professional, such as alternative health professionals who can offer you the general information you would want to check on.

Another option might be to go to free clinics, or low-income clinics as a walk-in or set an appointment with different ones when you want to check on something. Tell them you are visiting and have a midwife elsewhere, but want to be checked on, tell them you've already been seen, if you haven't.

I personally have a good bit of alternative health training and I'm spiritually removed from Western Medical Care. However, during my first birth, I had to go to the doctor or a nurse-midwife 3 times to have a homebirth midwife. I went twice in the second trimester, once to verify pregnancy, and I was not prepared, they gave me an ultrasound I didn't want and guilt-tripped me... the next time I went due to family urging and this guy guilt-tripped me even more and told me my baby was not going to make it because I wasn't being responsible for my health. I took vegan prenatal vitamins(new chapter), prenatal yoga, and I ate very healthily...when I found my midwife(I was prepared for UC because I couldn't find a good one) I had to go again to get verified as low-risk for her to work with me.

They were all absolutely horrible experiences and I only went 3 times, but they were enough to put me in high stress mode for days and even weeks because of them... I think there are much better ways. The same thing happened with my daughter's pediatrician, and she was the most 'natural-friendly' ped in town, but she continuously disrespected my vaccination choices and her view of health in general was just not compatible with my own. I stopped going to her and really trusted my own intuition and training about health. I continue to keep up with the doctors and health issues I believe in, and stay away from doctors. Not that there aren't any good ones, but the ego-trips are really unbelievable, and you know they are being hired to serve, not to patronize or degrade.

This pregnancy I had a great book on midwifery that has all the information I need in it and cheap ways to check on my health, and I study/research and contact health workers that I trust, believe in and have respect for me. That is my prenatal care. It has been much less stressful of a pregnancy. I've also been looking at and talking to doulas and midwives-in-training, I think it also helps to train yourself as if you are becoming a midwife/doula if you're not, already and have the people/support system around you learn the importants.

Oh yeah, I did once go to a clinic to get a verification and assessment when I was thinking I might have a midwife. I told them I already had a midwife in another town, and would be moving there before my birth to give birth there. They were very nice and respectful, it was actually a fun experience. I was showing already, and they made a joke about whether I was pregnant or not.