He won't use the potty

[annettemarie]

I'm so frustrated. I need my three year old to be using the potty by September so he can go to preschool. I'm pregnant with twins, homeschooling a first, fourth, and sixth grader, and I really do need him to go to preschool. But he won't use the darned potty! I mean, we've never even had a hit! I've tried just having him be naked, setting the timer and sitting on it every twenty minutes or so, pull ups, undies, reading books, watching a potty DVD, bribery-- nothing I'm willing to do seems to work! He just has no interest. All my other kids, we've taken an extremely laid back approach, but nothing that worked in the past in working this time. Any suggestions?

[crunchy_mommy]

Did you read about the "3 day potty training"? I'm hoping to try it with DS soon (he's a little young still though)... I don't remember every single detail but basically you set aside 3 days to just be home & focus on the potty -- hopefully your DH could be home to help. You keep them completely naked all day & have lots of liquids available to drink, and any time they start to pee you sit them on the potty (place several throughout the house so there's always one nearby). The first day you'll likely have tons of accidents, the second day lots less accidents, and supposedly by the third day they are all or mostly potty-learned. If he's doing well by the third day you can take a few short trips out of the house for practice...

OK I just tried to find the article I read on it & it seems to have disappeared, everything I just googled was ads. Not sure where the original article went! Anyway I haven't tried it obviously but I've heard it will almost always work IF you can devote all that time to it -- obviously you've got a lot going on, so I don't know if that's realistic for you!!

I will add that I usually stay away from fads like this & don't agree with the philosophies of the woman who designed the method but I think that many aspects of the method itself could be valid & it might be worth a try.

ETA: Here's at least an MDC thread discussing it... http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1210087

[CrunchyChristianMama]

I've got a copy of the three day potty training e-book. If you PM me your email address I can send it your way.

Before you start the pottying you make a big deal of throwing away all the diapers and picking out some undies for them to wear instead. I've had 3 friends now use it with almost 100% success by the end of 3 days. It really does work! She has really specific rules about what you say and don't say and about never putting them on the potty until they tell you (verbally or non-verbally) that they need to go so that they learn their body's cues.

[annettemarie]

I'll definitely look into that, thank you so much! Maybe we'll back off for the rest of the month and tackle it come August. Give things a little space. I may even have my husband take a few days off to help. I potty trained the other three, so he owes me one.

On the one hand, I feel kind of guilty pushing my own agenda here. In an ideal world, I would just let it happen when it happens. On the other hand, he's three months past three and has no developmental issues, so I don't feel like it's an unreasonable expectation. And he has definitely turned it into a power struggle. He's actually said "I won't go potty; I don't need to go to preschool." And I know I can't force him.

[Ruthla]

The preschool where my kids went had a "pullups" policy. They're supposed to be potty trained, but if you send them in a pullup, and it gets wet during the day, they'll just ignore it, keep taking the child to the toilet as needed, etc. Then you change the pullup after school (a pullup with just pee in it really is OK if not changed for the 5 hour schoolday.) If your child poops, they'll call you to come in and change him or her. I remember punching out at work, going to change DD2's diaper, then punching back in (I worked in a supermarket 1/4 mile away from the preschool.).

I tried sending DS with cloth pullups, but it just didnt' work- they get too hard to pull up and down when wet- it needed to be disposables for preschool. But I think we only went though a single package of pullups (1 a day on school days) before he was fully potty trained. We used cloth at home after school.

I'd suggest talking to the preschool and asking if they could do something similar. Your 3yo might be more willing to use the toilet if it's not tied in with preschool (oh. I can't stay home by not using the toilet. May as well use the potty then.)

You also might want to look into other childcare ideas- could you hire a local homeschooled teenager to play with the littles a few hours a week so you can focus on the bigs?

[annettemarie]

It's our church preschool and we really can't ask them to make an exception for the pastor's kid. If he had special needs it would be one thing, but I'm not comfortable asking for an exception. He really wants to go to preschool-- he loves "Miss Nikki"-- but he's just digging in his heels. Which I get, but I really would like this to work.

As far as hiring help, there's just no extra money. Two babies wasn't exactly what we were planning, you know? We're already squeezing every penny until it screams.

[JBaxter]

Peter Potty training urinal did it for Nathan. He was SO enamored with it he wanted to pee in it. I left him bottomless for a week and he would just walk in the bathroom to "try" to squeeze out a few drops so he could "flush" it.

[crunchy_mommy]

I just wanted to say don't feel guilty, I love trying to do things all on DS's time table but sometimes there are just things you need to push them a bit on for YOUR sanity. Twins when you already have 4 kids is going to be a lot of work & I don't think it's unreasonable at all for you to encourage him to potty-learn. Also, I don't think requesting the church to allow your DS to be in pull-ups is taking advantage of your family's position. I would at least ask (though not push the issue with them) and see what they say. Maybe just having them say OK will take some of the stress off both you & DS.

[Ruthla]

I'm not suggesting they make an exception for the pastor's kid- I'm suggesting that they offer this for all kids, as it doesn't really make things any harder for the teachers and it may take the stress off toileting for some kids.

[annettemarie]

I really don't think that's something they're interested in doing. It's three mornings a week for 2 hours. They don't have time, facilities, etc. for diaper (or pull up) changes.

[JBaxter]

At least in my state you have to have a daycare classification if you accept kids in diapers/ pull ups. Changes bunches of rules

[Drummer's Wife]

I think Ruthla is saying they won't change diapers, but can call you if he poops. My 3 yo pees in the toilet, and will occasionally poop, but after doing really well for a while he seems to have lost interest. I am also stressing a bit about him being completely using the toilet before he starts school b/c the Montessori program he is enrolled in requires them to be, and I can't get my $600 deposit back. Also, I am enrolled in college classes that I have no desire to drop out of.

My plan, is to work on it with him starting in August - basically, getting him to use the potty when he has underwear on b/c as it is now, he is more likely to go to the toilet if he is naked from the waist down. If he is not pooping in the toilet by then, I will be sending him in a pull-up and telling his teacher to call me if he poops, and I will be there. There will be about 6 hours of the week that it would take me an hour to get there - so I just hope he holds it until he gets home, I guess. Otherwise, I will be about 5 minutes away and can come to school if need be. A lot of kids wait to poop until they are comfy and at home - so I figure if he pees once or twice in his pull-up it won't be the end of the world. I imagine being around other potty-trained kids (his class is 3-5 yo's), he'll stop having as many accidents.

Good luck! I hope he gets it very soon.

[annettemarie]

Yes, but calling me when he poops when I am home with my 3 homeschoolers and 2 newborn twins would really defeat the purpose of him being there in the first place.

Anyway, I read the ebook and DH is going take a couple days off in August and we're going to do our best. If that doesn't work, we'll just keep him home I guess. Luckily, I don't think we paid a huge deposit. But hopefully with DH here to help with consistency, it will work.

[annettemarie]

So, just to be clear I am actually looking for advice on helping my 3-year-old learn to use the potty, not on how to work around him not using the potty.

[Artichokie]

well, you could tell him that this is the last load of diapers you'll be washing and when they come out of the dryer they are being packed away (or, this is the last package of diapers you will be buying in case of sposies). Then, when they are gone, they are gone. He can go in his underwear or on the potty. Then keep the house as cool as is reasonable and keep him in undies only on the bottom. Wet, cold underwear is not very comfortable and he may chose to make the transition because he is uncomfortable.

Also, if there is something he REALLY wants but hasn't been permitted (within reason), you could tell him you'll get it for his potty learning celebration gift.