I'm a little new to MDC, but I just had to weigh in with what I perceive to be an ethical/emotional similarity here. I have a 3yo DS and therefore watch the young child posts more often. A big issue there, especially with educating non-MDC philosophy type people, is CIO and other kinds of extreme punitive measures, spanking, etc., vs. Gentle Discipline approaches.
So my question, as the mother of a toddler/preschooler and a high school teacher, is... how is kicking your 18yo child out of the house for smoking pot, or even doing any illegal activity you don't approve of, different from, say, spanking a young child? Isn't it totally punitive, punishment, tit-for-tat with no option for making a good decision? No chance to do the right thing, to grow morally as a person, to make some reasonable argument, to develop negotiation skills, to explain themselves, etc.?
I guess I'm just wondering, doesn't this "my kid smokes pot in my house, I'm kicking them out - they have to deal with making a bad choice" situation sound a lot like "my 3yo defied me in the grocery store and ran away from me, so I spanked him - he needs to learn a lesson"?
Believe me, I know the developmental differences between a 3yo (pre-operational) and 18yo (formal operational). But still, I thought a major philosophical belief of people in these forums was that all human beings deserve respect and kindness, and that punitive measures are questionable at best for dealing with any person, child or adult.
This post is not directly for the OP (BTW, I totally agree with your discuss, watch-and-wait, don't push your child away stance), but a general inquiry for the various PP who have widely varied responses. Just curious if anyone else sees/agrees with this similarity.