Does your partner know how to meal plan? How do you help them learn?

[JessicaS]

So I have been demanding my spouse assist me in meal planning since I have been overwhelmed with meal planning and dh is picky.


So Saturday we went to farmer's market and I got some things. THEN when we got home he hands me a card from one of my magazines with a shopping list for five different recipes (which do not have the same ingredients that I bought) Now he thinks he has helped.

While these recipes look good, two have ingredients I cannot eat, and this is without any sort of attention to sales.

How do I help dh learn to meal plan properly?

[Arduinna]

Does he cook at all?

I have the same problem with my dh regarding meal planning, but his issue is that he will eat whatever is put in front of him so he isn't that invested choosing his food.

My dh cooks though, even though I do most of the cooking, he has his certain things he is good at like carnitas and enchiladas. So I just request that he make one of those when I want a day off LOL. And I generally plan at least 1-2 dinners a week with "his meals".

That probably isn't helpful for your situation though. Another thing I do is tell him what we have on hand that needs to be cooked and then we brainstorm recipe ideas. So if we have chicken and corn we can brainstorm, grilled corn on the cob or corn salad, whole roasted chickens or fried chicken. You get the idea.

[Alyantavid]

Yes. But he's also lived with me for close to 12 years.

He does know how to use up what we have for meals and is great with planning when we can't get to the store. There are certain meals that he cooks, because his version is better. But he's not a big planner period, so planning out a week or month's worth of meals is too much for him. Thankfully, I'm a huge planner. I do get input from him and the kids on what to put on the meal plan, but he thinks of those things as something we'll eat soon instead of at the end of the month.

[mbtmom2000]

My Dh's idea of a meal plan is order pizza, make hot dogs or eat cereal LOL

But he is getting better. I do the majority of the meal planning but he does help me. We have a picky 7 and 9 year old so we tend to keep things simple.

I find that if we sit down together and plan the meals that he is more helpful. He really could not do it by himself. But I ask for input from both him and the dc and this really takes away some of the stress from meal planning.

I would start out slow with him: Have him be responsible for 1-2 meals per week. Set guidelines ie: only 1 new recipe per week, a pantry meal, etc. I think that my DH has the mindset that this is my job, so I have had to educate him.

Also, if weekly meal planning is stressing you out--- make up a master list of the meals your family likes and just rotate them. My mom does this.... She is a foster parent to a house full of picky children and this seems to work for her.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by mbtmom2000

Also, if weekly meal planning is stressing you out--- make up a master list of the meals your family likes and just rotate them. My mom does this.... She is a foster parent to a house full of picky children and this seems to work for her.

Oh I like this idea. I get sick of doing it or get stuck in a rut but if I preplanned out stuff as a master list I'd have something to go to in those times. I usually just break out the cookbooks.

[LauraLoo]

I have something similar to a master list --- I've kept all my weekly meal plans for the last year or so, complete with main course and side dishes. But dh doesn't seem to like to follow that. He'd rather grill (which is fine by me!) or do something else like a big pot of soup, stew, pork bbq or lasagna. He has his own specialties and things he likes to make and he'll pick up the ingredients needed or put them on our grocery/farmer's market list in advance. I try to stay out of his way We've morphed into a routine where he cooks a couple of nights on the weekend and I do the rest of the week.

Maybe give your dh a list of ingredients that you can't have -- and tell him that everything else is fair game.

[Magelet]

I don't know how to help. My DP does about 2/3 of the meal planning. At first he wasn't so behind it, but I started doing it, and he saw how much money it saved us. At the time I was working more than he, so he started to take it on more and more. Plus we get a lot of cookbooks out of the library with lots of new recipes he wants to buy. He created a master list of the dishes we love, and we usually do some of those and some new ones every week.

Also, though in the past I rejected it, we do have a few "monday sandwhiches, tuesday tacos" etc type thing. actually, it's only "monday is cheese sandwhiches" because it's cheap, easy, and we go dancing monday night after work so we want something fast, easy and light.

But then, he loves to cook, and he told me the other day that he really loves to grocery shop, and he wishes he could get people to pay him to do it for them as well.

I think maybe having him in charge of a couple meals a week (planning shopping, cooking) like pp's said. and with looking at sales and stuff, I imagine it took you a while to learn how to do that well. remember he's just learning.

[JessicaS]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

Does he cook at all?

He can make pancakes and spaghetti from a jar.

I have the same problem with my dh regarding meal planning, but his issue is that he will eat whatever is put in front of him so he isn't that invested choosing his food.

See my dh will say he isn't picky but if I make something like salad or quinoa he doesn't eat it.

That probably isn't helpful for your situation though. Another thing I do is tell him what we have on hand that needs to be cooked and then we brainstorm recipe ideas. So if we have chicken and corn we can brainstorm, grilled corn on the cob or corn salad, whole roasted chickens or fried chicken. You get the idea.

I guess he doesn't really know what different things one can make with different ingredients. That is something one just picks up the more you cook.

Originally Posted by Alyantavid

Yes. But he's also lived with me for close to 12 years.

We have been married ten years in November, we have been together for 13. It is only since our second child was born that I am growing irritated with meal planning.

He does know how to use up what we have for meals and is great with planning when we can't get to the store. There are certain meals that he cooks, because his version is better. But he's not a big planner period, so planning out a week or month's worth of meals is too much for him. Thankfully, I'm a huge planner. I do get input from him and the kids on what to put on the meal plan, but he thinks of those things as something we'll eat soon instead of at the end of the month.

I do ask for input and he always says "beef stew" which...started to get annoying.

[Storm Bride]

I have no idea. I'm not a good meal planner, myself. I will get back to doing it soon, but I slipped up when I was pregnant with dd2, and haven't managed to get back on track yet.

Usually, I'll sit down to plan a week's meals, and just kick ideas around with dh. I have (had - I haven't seen it recently) a master list of all our "regular" meals, with notes about who likes what. We eat meat, so I try to mix up a chicken dish one day, a fish dish another day, a beef dish another day, etc. But, I'm not good at planning what to do with leftovers (in the abstract, I can think "okay - I'll throw the leftover ham into a nice bean soup" or whatever, but I don't seem to actually plan that way). I try to follow our schedule, so that easy, quick or crockpot dishes will fall on the days when we're out for 6 hours or someone has an appointment that evening...but I'm just not that good at it.

Honestly, I don't mind cooking, but I'm beginning to think I really do need to establish a "Monday is orange glazed chicken, Tuesday is potato boats, Wednesday is baked fish" kind of approach, and just keep to a rotating 14 day plan. That doesn't play into my tendency to buy large quantities of whatever is on sale, but I could work around it. It just sounds really, really boring, and I'm a fairly moody eater.

[Smokering]

I make mine. Our household is me, DH, a flatmate (male) and our toddler. I do one big grocery shop on Thursdays with SIL (we don't have a car), walk to the butcher once every two weeks (and get over $50 worth of meat, so I can get a stamp on my loyalty card and a free tray of mince), and go to the fruit and veggie shop more or less as needed. DH also gets the odd forgotten thing on his motorbike.

So, what I do is drag DH and the flatmate into the kitchen on Wednesdays (the night before the big shop) and make them help me make a meal plan - or, as we call it, a feeding plan. They tend to gripe and moan about it, which annoys me as I do 95% of the cooking and shopping. In other words, all they have to do is ORDER their meals, like in a restaurant, and yet they complain. It's like whining at the waitress when she comes to take their order. Crazy. *ahem* Anyway, all I do is tell 'em what meat I bought that has to be used up, and remind them of things - like, Tuesday night we have singing group, so it has to be a make-ahead meal. Stuff like that. I find if I ask a general "What shall we eat this week?" they both say "I don't knooooow", but if I specifically say "DH, what do you want to eat on Friday night" or "Flatmate, tell me some kind of chickeny dish we can have on Monday" they'll be more likely to come up with a useful response. I also occasionally insist they come up with a vegetarian meal idea for budget reasons - left to themselves, they'd choose eye fillet steak or salmon every night.

So, does my system work? Sort of. It gets done, but I still find myself regularly irked as they slope out of their bedroom or office, grumbling about the hideous task of having to think of two or three meals. My expert conclusion is that guys kinda suck.

[mnnice]

My partner knows how to meal plan great.

When DH was a SAHD/laid off and I was working part time we would each plan three dinners per week (sit down and make a list, talk about what needed eaten up, write down what we needed to purchase) and eat leftovers or go out the seventh. Most nights when I got home from work summer was done or nearly done

But due to some changes in schedule/work load has been very little help as of late. I am off work for the summer and he just started a new job and gets home way later than anyone is used to. Plus DS1 has baseball and DH like to try to golf one weeknight per week. Last weekend I made him help me meal plan (even though I am going to cook it all myself) and it did help reduce my stress, but I still miss the team work of each planning and cooking about half of the meals. I also sort of resent that he doesn't make the effort to make something during the week once in a great while. Previously when he was home all the time I still cooked something on a work night and other summers when I have been home he has still cooked during the week once in a while.

[texmati]

I don't know.

My husband will eat anything if it's already made. But ask for any input, it's constantly "I don't want that... what do you want?" It's maddening. Somewhere in our first year of marriage we had it out-- he doesn't want to be involved in the planning. He will help cook, shop, prep and clean. Just don't ask him to plan.

[lil_earthmomma]

Here's what we do.

We sit down (me with a pen and pad of paper, or the laptop) and I ask him to list his favorite meals. He lists them, I write them down. Then I tell him mine, and unless they get a resounding ew, they go on the list. That becomes the month's meal plan with what I like to call experimental days once a week where we try something new. This is on a day where we have more time to play in the kitchen together, as this is our hobby.

From that monthly meal plan, we can then choose off of it based on the sales and how we are feeling that day. We grocery shop weekly, so based on sales, weather, etc we make a firm meal plan for the week and then shop. Nothing is set in stone, just, well we have this and this, which one do we feel like today?

As for your dh's "help" can you substitiute ingredients you can eat? If so, I would add those 5 meals to your month, spread out, and wait for the sales.

[JessicaS]

It sounds like we need some sort of standardized scoring system for everything we cook. I am always trying new things.


1. I would like to eat this 2 times a month
2. I would like this maybe every other month
3. I would maybe be ok with trying this every 3-6 months
4. Do not want.

Should we make scoring cards like one finds in their hotel or something and they can go in the recipe box?

[lil_earthmomma]

Originally Posted by abimommy

It sounds like we need some sort of standardized scoring system for everything we cook. I am always trying new things.


1. I would like to eat this 2 times a month
2. I would like this maybe every other month
3. I would maybe be ok with trying this every 3-6 months
4. Do not want.

Should we make scoring cards like one finds in their hotel or something and they can go in the recipe box?

I was getting so burnt out cooking for my family (6 adults 2 toddlers every night, 8 adults at least once a week, 10 adults and 4 kiddos at least once a week) because I was doing something new every night for the entire summer. Finally my mom commented, "you haven't repeated a single meal in 3 months." And I was like "I didn't want you guys to get bored, and I like to experiment." But it was so exhausting. Now I try to limit it to once a week.

Score cards sound like a great and fun idea!!!

[annethcz]

I ask DH what he wants to eat when I'm making up a menu. If he doesn't speak up, I point out that it's not fair for him to complain (and luckily DH only complains if we have the same thing 3 times in the same week ).

But my DH is similar- when I ask him for meal suggestions, he always gives me the same answer. I always tell him I need more ideas than that. I don't let it go after just one answer. I'm not mean about it, but I will tease him about it so you want beef stew every night this week?

[waiflywaif]

Honestly, I would quit asking. But I like meal planning and don't mind doing that task all by myself. I do all the cooking, he's the cleaning guy.

Together we've made a list of about 100 dinners that we both like. I just choose 5 or so things from the list and shop accordingly.

I'll add new ideas to the list occasionally---they stay on if we liked the experiment and come off if we didn't.

[puffingirl]

My DH isn't very good at this either. I tried to get him to be an equal participant for years, to no avail. I work on Fridays and he's at home with DD that day, so about a year ago I stopped planning that day and just made him responsible for it--I'm busy at work, have our only car and can't rescue them so if they want to eat, he has to do it. For a while, he would call me about every little thing and drive me bonkers, but he can at least now plan, buy and cook 1 meal a week (it's usually the same 3 things, but, hey, I'll take what I can get). I have to admit that he really stepped it up this winter though and did a roast chicken one time (not so hard, but different for him).

[KatWrangler]

I will ask mine "What do you want for dinner?" His reponse "Something easy. What about leftovers?" My irritated, expasrated response "We have no leftovers and nothing is easy."

His idea of cooking is opening a box of cereal and getting a gallon of milk from the fridge.

I really need to work on a meal plan. Like a month at a time. I love the idea of a masterlist of meals.

[lovesdaffodils]

Luckily, my DH is a great cook who loves cooking and food, so we usually meal plan together, shop together, cook together, etc. Typically, I'll pick about 5 meals, and he'll add a couple more. I keep a big master list of meals to refer to, but we both usually have new recipes we're wanting to try or things we're craving. I am really the one who checks the sales and coupons and budgets though; if it was all up to DH, we'd eat GREAT but we'd be broke!