birthday invitation money request

[meemee]

hey mamas,

i need help wording dd's bday invitation request.

dd wants to buy a notebook. she doesnt really want anything else. she will be 8.

is there a way in which we can politely ask for money.

we are not doing printed invitations.

we are doing personal letters dd will be writing.

do you think it would be really rude to say something like 'this birthday i would really really like a notebook. i am tired of fighting mom over the computer. instead of presents, if you are able to i would really appreciate some contribution towards a notebook. (or is it netbook) please know i have no expectations. i would much rather you come to my birthday party than bring presents. but if you could i would appreciate a monetary contribution.)

is this too rude? between friends i see no problem dd writing this note.

but what about people we dont know very well like her classmates?!!!

[Mama Mko]

I don't think it's ever polite to request money as a gift, sorry.

[4Blessings]

No polite way to ask for gifts or cash on an invite. If people call to RSVP and specifically ask you what she would like for a gift then you can mention that she's saving to buy a netbook at XYZ and would love a gift cert. to help out.

[mamazee]

yeah, I'm afraid there is absolutely no way to do this politely.

[DariusMom]

Despite the undoubted authenticity of the request, no, it's rude.

[Eman'smom]

Definately rude.

[mama1803]

Another vote for no. It is definitely rude.

[meemee]

ok. i thought so too. but wasnt sure how to do it.

we will let friends and family know. but not strangers.

now here is my other question.

how would you feel if someone made that request.

would you feel offended?

we actually had a mother send out such a request over facebook request. and i was so relieved that i didnt have to worry about bday presents for her sons.

[Drummer's Wife]

It's netbook , and no, I don't think you should ask for money towards it.

Maybe, maybe you can mention to your own mom, if asked, that DD is saving money to buy a computer - but asking people who you invite for cash is tacky, handwritten letter or not.

[Hoopin' Mama]

Originally Posted by meemee

how would you feel if someone made that request.

would you feel offended?

we actually had a mother send out such a request over facebook request. and i was so relieved that i didnt have to worry about bday presents for her sons.

I wouldn't be offended, but I would be surprised by their lack of manners.

[intrepidmother]

definitely tacky. definitely rude. I think it's because people don't *have* to give gifts for a birthday- they give because they want to. Asking for money makes giving seem obligatory.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama

I wouldn't be offended, but I would be surprised by their lack of manners.

[DariusMom]

Originally Posted by meemee

how would you feel if someone made that request.

would you feel offended?

I wouldn't be offended, but I would just think that the poor kid obviously didn't have anyone at home to teach him/her manners and what a handicap it would be later in life.

[NiteNicole]

I think if my really good friend or close family member let me know that their child was hoping to get money for a birthday to add towards her netbook fund, that would be ok. If it came in an invitation, I would think it was rude.

[reezley]

I agree with the pp who said that if a guest asks for gift ideas, a contribution toward the computer could be among the ideas you give them.

[lonegirl]

I wouldn't think it rude....just honest. The problem is that everyone is so worried about being rude....but when they get gifts they complain that it wasn't what they wanted rather than be grateful they received anything. I would think "what a relief! I know exactly what I can get!" I may then call and ask if a store had been chosen and would get a gift certificate or if they know exactly which one I would ask if a case or any accessories were needed.
Just me though!!

[karemore]

Unless someone asks for a gift idea don't offer it! Your instinct is correct that it's rude.

If someone sent me a gift request like that, I'd probably wonder if we were being invited in order to bring a gift, or if our company was truly appreciated. It would seem to me the party was a means to the end (the big ticket item)

[ssh]

I agree it's impolite to ask for money, but couldn't your DD return some of the gifts and use that money toward the netbook? Also telling anyone who asks what she wants is fine.

[greenemami]

I think it is fine for family members and maybe close friends, although I wouldn't put it on the invitation. We often let gparents and aunts/uncles etc. know that we would prefer $$ for a special class or bigger item (sandbox, etc.) rather than another gift and they are always happy to help out rather than spending the money on something we don't really need.

I would never ask this of classmates though and like I said, definitely not on an invitation.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by karemore

If someone sent me a gift request like that, I'd probably wonder if we were being invited in order to bring a gift, or if our company was truly appreciated. It would seem to me the party was a means to the end (the big ticket item)

I agree. And saying something to the effect that you don't expect anything, then following it with what is essentially, "but if you do bring something, bring money" (I can't remember exactly how you worded it) is extremely rude as it sounds like you have an ulterior motive. I don't think anyone would be *offended* because it's not anything personal, but I also think that there would be few or perhaps none who would attend after receiving an invite worded that way.