How to have a simple birthday without all the expectations?

[laohaire]

If all we wanted to do was have some of DD's friends hang out with us at the park near her birthday - and we brought some snacks for everyone - could that just be it?

No presents?
No treat bags?

Is that just not possible this day and age? Everything has to be a huge consumptive event?

Is there some way to word it? "We invite you to come hang out with us. We'll bring some snacks, you bring yourselves"? No mention of "birthday" anywhere on it? No mention of "party"?

[Wild Lupine]

I'd come! Then do the same thing for my childrens party and hope to set a trend.

You might find that parents of kids who received presents from you at their parties might feel awkward not giving your child a present, and therefore might bring one anyway.

[russsk]

We had a simple get-together for DS's birthday in February. I just invited a few friends over for a playdate. I did say that it was DS's birthday, but I did try to stress that it was just a low-key playdate and I would have some lunch for the kids. I wasn't really expecting presents, but people did bring them. They were very lovely, small gifts, so I wouldn't say it was overly consumptive. I didn't do goody bags or anything like that.

[simplemama32]

I'm not sure how to word an invitation. If it's just a few friends you want to invite, could you just call the parents and discuss the situation one on one? That might make them less likely to bring a gift if they heard it directly from you.

If your DD is really into something, like animals, maybe she and her friends would be interested in doing something charitable for the local animal shelter or something. Like gathering dog food or supplies to donate. Something along those lines. That way, the friends still get to bring a "gift" (donations to the project).

[Artichokie]

how about:

"In honor of our daughter's fifth birthday, we will be hosting an informal playdate at xx park. Light snacks and liquid refreshments provided and your presence is the best gift - no need to bring anything additional. We hope you can join us."

[Teensy]

I'd invite them for a birthday party. Could the "snacks" include cupcakes? If so, then add a verse of "Happy Birthday to You" and a couple of candles and you've got yourself a birthday party!

I wouldn't feel the need for anything else!

I've given some slightly elaborate children's birthday parties (not crazy elaborate, but slightly), but only because it was fun for ME to do so. I certainly don't expect anyone else to worry that their party is too "plain". I think the kids just want to play and, perhaps, eat some cake. A playground is ideal for this.

There have been several threads on "no present" invites. I've requested "no gifts, please" for the last few parties we've given and been happy that I did.

Hope your DD has a joyous birthday!

[laohaire]

Thanks guys.

DD has not asked for a party, it was just an idea I had that it might be nice to bring together some of her friends she knows from different circles.

I also wouldn't mind the occasion to get to know the parents better. There are some I think I could be friends with but we've never actually gotten together.

I was hoping the party could spark some closer friendships - like we could have some of the kids (that we know from public playgroups or the playground or the library or whatever) over our house or vice versa in the future.

I think this could work... I'm thinking 3 families (1 is our neighbor and we already know them, so that's fine) and they are all kind of crunchy. Or really crunchy in at least one case (one of the dads is attempting to go car-free because of peak oil, etc.). I can tell my neighbor directly with no problem "no gifts!!" - she'll be fiiiiiine with that.

[Quaniliaz]

How about saving that idea for another day? If she doesn't want a party for her birthday - just celebrate as a family, and then have another get together later in the summer. No birthday, no expectations.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

that's how most of the parties around here are. They usually are at the park or someone's house, sometimes potlucks, "your presence is present enough" deals. I haven't yet been to anything more than that (well one was like that but at a pool instead of the park, and one was during a block party)

[momasana]

It is so refreshing to see this post. My DS is turning 3 this year and we have never had a party for him other than hanging out with our friends and family for some cake.

I've been starting to worry about the giant productions/gift opportunities that birthday parties have become. It is nice to hear that other families are down with hanging out and having fun, without all of the consumption and expectation.

I think your idea is awesome and hope it starts a trend!

[limabean]

Originally Posted by momasana

I've been starting to worry about the giant productions/gift opportunities that birthday parties have become.

I don't think there's anything to worry about. I live in one of the most image-conscious, superficial areas in the country and I have yet to meet someone who turns up her nose at a simple backyard pizza-and-cake type of birthday party. I can't really figure out where the idea (myth?) that there's all this pressure to have giant blow-outs comes from -- I kind of only see it mentioned here at MDC.

OP, have your low-key get-together and enjoy it!

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by limabean

I don't think there's anything to worry about. I live in one of the most image-conscious, superficial areas in the country and I have yet to meet someone who turns up her nose at a simple backyard pizza-and-cake type of birthday party. I can't really figure out where the idea (myth?) that there's all this pressure to have giant blow-outs comes from -- I kind of only see it mentioned here at MDC.

OP, have your low-key get-together and enjoy it!

Most of the parties we've been to lately (and there have been a lot!) have been at playgrounds, and everyone had a great time!

[mumkimum]

Just a fun 'summer party' that happens to be close to when her birthday is would be great.