I need ideas...and a vacation

[MamatoPeach]

I have a 2.5 yr old that is very verbal. She is also becoming violent, screams, you know...acting like her age. What am I suppose to do when she hurts her little brother. That is when I start to loose my gentleness. I find that when I yell at her...she yells at him. She acts out my behavior. Any ideas, examples will be helpful. Thanks!

[mamazee]

If you have a baby and a toddler, you have to treat it like you have two babies and just never leave them alone together and be right on top of it. Toddlers are too young to understand how to handle jealousy, and too young to understand their strength and ability to hurt others. How long has the new sibling been here? Sometimes it takes a few months for the older child to realize that the baby is there for good, and so it can take a while for issues regarding new siblings. It's very common for them to have a rough adjustment, and it might seem counterintuitive, but giving them more love and attention during that time will probably help more than punishing, because she's probably worried that the baby is taking her love away from you, so showing her she still has you love will make her feel better, but punishing her might make her feel like her fears are confirmed.

Good luck and try to be patient! If it's an adjustment issue, it won't last too long, and if it's an issue of immaturity it won't last too long either. Just remember to lovingly and calmly talk about her feelings ("You sound angry/jealous/frustrated"), talk about what she should do instead of what she shouldn't do (so "be gentle" will probably work better than "don't hit"), and tail her every move when she's around the little one until you see things start to improve. I found that my older child (older than yours though) felt better when I talked about how things were when she was a baby, so you could try that when you're taking care of the baby. Like, "I remember when you were a baby you did something a lot like this" (and follow with cute story.)