I'm not sure where to go for support for this but I hope I chose the correct forum.
I'm a mom to a 3 year old boy. I was the oldest of 3 siblings. My parents are still "together" (although they sleep in seperate rooms.. long story) but they split up nearly every year of my life.
I'm 30 years old and Ive been going to councilling on and off since I was about 19 years old.
My mom used to provide in home child care for us 2-3 days per week when my son was a year old. She often bought things we didn't need and did things even though I asked her not too. It wasn't every parenting decision but it was becoming more and more frequent to the point that 1 day in Feb while at her house, I snapped! For months prior to this when she would feed my son food (mostly sugary treats or dairy) I would say things like "mom, it hurts my feelings when you do that." "mom, it's like a slap in the face when you ignore me and give him that immediately after I ask you not too". It was really starting to feel like she was being spiteful and flexing her grandparent muscle with a "I know how to parent, I can do this if I want to" kind of attitude ~insert dirty look at me here~
So I lost it. I said things that had obviously been inside me for years. She never fought back. She just told me that I've been mean to her (referring to me asking her not to feed my son sugar).
I took my son and I left. I enrolled him in a licensed daycare. I haven't had a relationship with my mom since then.
I told my parents that this should not affect their relationship with their grandson but their visits with him were scarce.. until this week. We are going on visit 3 in one week (2 multi-day visits) and I keep coming to conciousness about my parents. They are alcoholics and being raised by them, that is all I knew. I didn't even know for sure if they were alcoholics because I was so close to the situation. Now I have anxiety about my son going to the cottage with them for the weekend because if there is one place where they are likely to get intoxicated, its definitely the cottage (they are sit on the couch and drink alone kind of drinkers so they will drink beer all day "because it's hot" for eg.)
I don't know what to do about this. I know that it was not right for me to be raised by drunk parents, to be in vehicles with them while they were drinking (at least they don't drink and drive anymore), to find them passed out on the living room floor, to have to "sleep" while the whole house vibrated from music that was as loud as possible through huge speakers. My mom is not considerate or concious when she is sober and they are both completely inconsiderate and insensitive when they are drinking. I know they will not be as bad as I described above if its just the two of them and my son at the cottage. Insert my brother and it could get a little more partyish.
I still don't have a backbone enough to tell them they can't be drunk around my son and he deserves a queit environment for sleeping and even if I did, I don't trust them to take me seriously since I've been ignored so many times in the past.
Ive communicated some of my feelings via email immediately after the fight and my mom wont respond. They just cry and tell everyone "how terrible this has been". They have flat out said they will not go to councilling with me so that I can communicate with them. They wont even defend themselves. I get nothing from them.
Anyway, I'm stressed about this weekend and I sometimes feel confused because this new perception of my childhood is very new and I don't know if I am blowing things out of proportion or how to deal with my parents.
Thanks for reading this long post.
I'm a mom to a 3 year old boy. I was the oldest of 3 siblings. My parents are still "together" (although they sleep in seperate rooms.. long story) but they split up nearly every year of my life.
I'm 30 years old and Ive been going to councilling on and off since I was about 19 years old.
My mom used to provide in home child care for us 2-3 days per week when my son was a year old. She often bought things we didn't need and did things even though I asked her not too. It wasn't every parenting decision but it was becoming more and more frequent to the point that 1 day in Feb while at her house, I snapped! For months prior to this when she would feed my son food (mostly sugary treats or dairy) I would say things like "mom, it hurts my feelings when you do that." "mom, it's like a slap in the face when you ignore me and give him that immediately after I ask you not too". It was really starting to feel like she was being spiteful and flexing her grandparent muscle with a "I know how to parent, I can do this if I want to" kind of attitude ~insert dirty look at me here~
So I lost it. I said things that had obviously been inside me for years. She never fought back. She just told me that I've been mean to her (referring to me asking her not to feed my son sugar).
I took my son and I left. I enrolled him in a licensed daycare. I haven't had a relationship with my mom since then.
I told my parents that this should not affect their relationship with their grandson but their visits with him were scarce.. until this week. We are going on visit 3 in one week (2 multi-day visits) and I keep coming to conciousness about my parents. They are alcoholics and being raised by them, that is all I knew. I didn't even know for sure if they were alcoholics because I was so close to the situation. Now I have anxiety about my son going to the cottage with them for the weekend because if there is one place where they are likely to get intoxicated, its definitely the cottage (they are sit on the couch and drink alone kind of drinkers so they will drink beer all day "because it's hot" for eg.)
I don't know what to do about this. I know that it was not right for me to be raised by drunk parents, to be in vehicles with them while they were drinking (at least they don't drink and drive anymore), to find them passed out on the living room floor, to have to "sleep" while the whole house vibrated from music that was as loud as possible through huge speakers. My mom is not considerate or concious when she is sober and they are both completely inconsiderate and insensitive when they are drinking. I know they will not be as bad as I described above if its just the two of them and my son at the cottage. Insert my brother and it could get a little more partyish.
I still don't have a backbone enough to tell them they can't be drunk around my son and he deserves a queit environment for sleeping and even if I did, I don't trust them to take me seriously since I've been ignored so many times in the past.
Ive communicated some of my feelings via email immediately after the fight and my mom wont respond. They just cry and tell everyone "how terrible this has been". They have flat out said they will not go to councilling with me so that I can communicate with them. They wont even defend themselves. I get nothing from them.
Anyway, I'm stressed about this weekend and I sometimes feel confused because this new perception of my childhood is very new and I don't know if I am blowing things out of proportion or how to deal with my parents.
Thanks for reading this long post.
