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Making friends as an adult

post #1 of 57
Thread Starter 
How have you met with the most success in making new friends as a post-college adult?

By friend, I mean someone to chat with on the phone or have coffee with, not just someone to say hello to when you see them out and about.
post #2 of 57
by being brutally honest.

by telling a alcoholic who was calling someone else an alcoholic that he was one too.

by letting my friend know that i think he art is like a teenagers.

by telling the person who invited me to coffee that i wasnt interested in dating.

by doing things that were important to me which totally shocked society.

i dont talk behind their back. i tell them that to their face. i tell them to back off when they are trying to force their way on me.

by never mincing my words. by giving my observation and never my opinion.
post #3 of 57
I've met most of my friends through my children's activities. When they were babies I went to LLL meetings, when they became older I met friends through school activities. I have also made an effort to become friends with my neighbors. You said post-college, so even though I have been post college for years and years now, I am not including the friends I've made going back to school
post #4 of 57
I wish I knew. I moved to a small town 5 years ago. I have joined different groups in my town, volunteered at my children's school, invited people over for BBQ, said yes to invitations. Not one friend made Plenty of people who say hi in passing.
post #5 of 57
Dumb blind luck. Ended up working (and sharing housing) with three fantastic women at a tiny village school. Somehow we just all clicked and have stayed friends. Then got randomly assigned to share an office with another great woman when I left the classroom for the big bad world of district office work... and we also clicked (and our dogs like each other, too!). We were both new to our jobs and new to town, so we had a lot in common and both needed a lot of help.

So I don't know how you're SUPPOSED to do it. I'm not a very social person... I just kind of lucked out.
post #6 of 57
Well, I know you have to get "out." Join committees, join a gym, etc.

And that's exactly what I lack, and how I have no friends after living in this town for 11 years.
post #7 of 57
well the majority I met through my midwife. She hosts big parties and potlucks a few times a year and I have met most people through her.

The other friends I have I made through work.

It took having a baby to make friends! Otherwise I have no idea how I would have had any friends.. making friends as an adult is HARD!
post #8 of 57
When my kids were little, I met most of my friends through LLL.

Then I met friends through HSing groups.

Most of the new friends I've made in the last year are either friends of friends or coworkers.
post #9 of 57
I wish I knew. I have never had more than 1 or 2 friends in adulthood. I moved from RI to FL 3.5 years ago.. and I knew 2 people who live in the state. They and one other person I met 3 years ago at work are the only friends I've made.
I am seeing a therapist at this point to deal with issues that are stress/anxiety and depression related and one of the big things she has asked me to do is get out and meet people at groups, etc. I can't find any groups that I have an interest in except 1 or 2 and I haven't been able to make it to them since we started the process 2 months ago.
I also just this week separated from my BF that I've been seeing for 3 years - he moved in in January of this year after dating 2.5 years and I asked him to move out Monday. Talk about feeling totally alone.
It doesn't help that anything there is to do here costs $ which I don't have since I'm out of work on FMLA to deal with my mental health issues and still waiting for short term disability to kick in - and that $ needs to pay the bills. UGH!

I wish I could meet people from a group that starts or is planned online - with people who enjoy doing the things I like - I would love to join a book club but most of what they read I have NO interest in... I also am severely obese so anything that's physical is OUT of the question. It's also something I need to work on... and joined Weight Watchers but had to stop because I couldn't afford the cost at this point.

Sorry for hijacking the thread - but I will be reading to see if someone comes up with ideas- I have checked out the local ads and meetup.com but found mostly nothing.

And my children are adults so playgroups are out.
post #10 of 57
I have had the good fortune of having a few very awesome intense friendships in my adulthood. One I met when I was 22 and met through a friend of a friend. She moved out of state shortly thereafter and we are still close, but don't have that best-friendship anymore due to the distance. The other I met online and she was out of state but we were very close and then we went our separate ways after a huge misunderstanding. Since then we've moved to a new town and I crave having a BFF like I had with those other women, and I haven't found my "it" girl We moved three years ago and started attending a great church with tons of women my age and I like all of them a lot, but haven't really found a great friend. Lots of people I could invite over for a playdate or even if I needed help, they would be there....but not BFF. I feel like i've lost my mojo since having kids!!
post #11 of 57
I met one at work. We immediately hit it off and became very close.

I am very close with DH's friend's wife, who I met when she started dating the friend.

I have met other women over the years that have been casual friends. Whenever we are at the same party or event, we hang together and chatter up a storm but I am really bad at making time to get together one-on-one for lunch or coffee. I just don't take that step to pick up the phone and say "hey, lets do something..."
post #12 of 57
this is one of my biggest issues. i fervently long for a friend to share life with: a girlfriend that i can share my passions with, talk too, and just be with. my dh is a great friend, but not a girlfriend ykwim...i haven't had a best friend since 4th grade. where i live, the women my age have all grown up together so they have such an established history, the moms i'd love to get to know don't work, so they have playgroups/activities during the day, and at work, i'm the youngest woman by 30+ years.

i don't know what to do? i just pray about it and try not to get too depressed
post #13 of 57
I met my closest friend in pre-natal class. We were the only two couples from our outskirt community (the class was 'in the city') and she invited me over for coffee after our babes were born. We really hit it off.

I have another good friend that I used to work with, in my life pre-child.

The rest of our good friends are all from church. There are lots of people that we socialize with, but our closest friends are from our small group / bible study. We have seven couples with eight kids under 4 between us, and two of the ladies are pregnant so it is great to be close with other young families. We meet once a week and hire a sitter to watch the kids in the basement while the adults chat, do bible study, and pray together. It is fantastic! I highly recommend looking into some kind of faith community for close adult relationships.
post #14 of 57
Church, hands down. However, I would get involved in lots of stuff, stay after for coffee hour, and I also have absolutely no issues at all striking up conversations with people, even if I'm the new one.

I always at newer people at my church who after months complain they don't know anyone, don't have any friends in the congregation, etc. But upon asking a few questions, I find out they rarely stay for coffee hour, don't get involved in ANYTHING, won't even go up to people and introduce themselves.

You just can't show up, you have to make some effort.

I also like having friends in a wide range of ages. I have single friends my age (early 40s), but then I also have married friends (with kids) who are 10-15 years younger than I, as well as very good friends 10-15 years older. One lady I love dearly is 77!
post #15 of 57
Thread Starter 
By "post-college" I mean, that I am well into my 30's. Well into.
My family and I just moved across the country from the NYC area to a small island in the Pacific Northwest and it's a lot different here. It's beautiful here and I love it but I've been having a difficult time adjusting to the lack of friends. I have always been very involved with LLL so I do that here as well, I have joined a hs'ing group. We go to a farmers market every weekend and talk to everyone, I go to the library and try to strike up conversations.

From the hs'ing group I have certainly met some people and we chat but I don't know how to go from chatting out in public to actual friends. My children are still very young, most of the hs'ers children are older, and I am a much older mom than many of the others in this area with children my age.

Why is it that making friends as an adult is more difficult (in some ways) than dating?

I am so grateful for the responses - I'm sorry that some others are having a difficult time as well though.
post #16 of 57
Wish I knew! There's nothing around here if you don't go to church or send your kids to public school.
post #17 of 57
Most through work, friends of friends, and children's activites.
post #18 of 57
Thread Starter 
I wish things were different, because I've been feeling very lonely (well, as lonely as one can feel with two wonderful children and a great husband).

I know that I should be grateful for how much I do have instead of focusing on what I don't, but I truly wish for some local friends.
post #19 of 57
I'm hoping to meet some friends through work. I didn't retain any of my highschool or university friends. I'm good friends with my next door neighbour, but that's mostly through the association of living nearby.

My partner and I are having difficulty meeting other 'two mama' families (as my seven year old puts it) and while it's not necessary to be queer to hang out with us (haha) it'd be nice to meet other people, to have other families similar to us to model for my kids.
post #20 of 57
The internet! Check out your tribe. I bet there's a bunch of lonely mamas looking for friendship. I met my best friend online (on another baby community) and although we live a few hours from each other, we still get together a few times a year and talk on the phone all the time. She's the only one that really "gets" my parenting style.
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