Originally Posted by GuildJenn
Well, we all read through our own filters. What I see (and freely admit my experience has coloured this) is that the when people go looking for NCB information, particularly after a bad experience, what they get is so out there, shaming, and blaming -- and so far from their own narrative and understanding -- that they reject it wholesale.
That's a shame & I'm sorry that has been your experience. & I'm sorry if anyone has that experience. It's a shame. It's wrong.
I think the best case scenario is that we all can tailor our message to the person we're communicating with.
For example, if I meet someone who's already PG or already has kids, I'll be really delicate around the subject of birth if it comes up. Maybe just to say I had a natural birth & it rocked! Since, IMX, there just aren't that many people who say natural birth (or birth overall!) can be positive!
The prevailing belief is, "Why go through all that pain if I don't have to?" as well as "Natural birth makes as much sense as natural dentistry!"
So here, standing in front of you, is someone who's not totally insane or hippy & had a natural birth she enjoyed. So ask me Qs if you like.
However, with women who aren't PG or even in the middle of trying, I DO admit that I WILL try to warn them!
Again, I think warnings are necessary
So if I say, essentially,1. "Get educated or you may be subjected to bad things."
(Yet again, that is not to say that getting educated guarantees you will not
have a bad experience.)
Do you think that's the same as saying,2. "If you have had a bad experience, it is partially your own fault."????
In other words, is it even possible say sentence #1 without also communicating the idea of sentence #2?Are they the the same message?
If so, that's really a shame, because that's not what I mean. It's also a shame because I can tell you I don't plan to stop saying sentence #1. My sense of righteousness won't let me shut-up.
When I got PG, I never knew a single soul who had any desire for natural birth.
I knew some who'd had 2nd babies without an epidural because there was no time & they were pissed! That was it.
I started pregnancy honestly thinking the same as above, "Of course I'll get the epidural! I've got nothing to prove!" BUT FOR ONE DISCUSSION.... One tiny flicker from years past...
Friends of friends at a weekend getaway - a PhD reproductive epidemiologist & an RN were chatting. They said the CS rate in the US is high and higher than other industrialized nations. I remember the PhD lady saying, "Don't let them section you for FTP! We don't even know what normal labor curves are!"
That is about all I remembered. That was it.
So I reasoned that if the US CS rate is higher than elsewhere, it's probably higher than it needs to be
, which means some women have CS that aren't truly necessary. So how do I make sure I'm not one of them? That was my one and only goal - avoid a CS. THAT is what got me to order "Thinking Woman's Guide" & THAT is what got me switching to MWs & taking Bradley training.
I type out this long story to illustrate a point: Had it not been for that discussion at a party years ago, I probably would have gone down a horrible path.
Honestly, I want to scream, throw stuff & then cry thinking about it. I probably would have read my copy of "Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy" & other books like the one published by ACOG that my MW's office gave me a copy of. I probably would have attended birth class at the hospital & with all of that, considered myself "educated."
That's the other thing that kills me about birth in America today - even if you DO make efforts to get educated, they don't always truly lead to you being fully informed (since they don't tell you about the chasm between evidence & practice that exists.) So it is THAT fact that I feel so compelled to warn women about (the fact that anti-evidence-based practice is really the norm.)
Then I probably would have been induced at 41W because of the "Dead baby card" (increased risk of still birth.) And, well, we all know what happens when first-time-moms are induced.
I think I heard the CS rate for induction in FTMs is around 50% (not sure about that stat, but I know it is high.) Again,
I just can't help but continue to shudder thinking of what would have happened if I hadn't heard that conversation at a party years ago. I can't stop my feeling of wanting to WARN other women.
After I typed this all up & proofed it - I guess I really see your point that "we all read through our own filters." Because in my experience, I see a horrible outcome if I had NOT gotten adequately educated, but had a great experience thanks to my education (and, of course, thanks to pure luck too, since that's a significant factor.)
Again, for me personally
, the education didn't guarantee a good outcome, but I feel strongly that had I stayed on my 1st trimester path (pre-education), a bad outcome WAS a guarantee for me!
(I can't imagine I would have been emotionally comfortable being tied to monitors. I'm honestly sick at the thought - cEFM + "nothing by mouth" & IV were standard for all births at Johns Hopkins. So even if I'd managed to birth vaginally, & even if I'd managed to birth without an epidural, I'm pretty confident it would not have been a joyful experience.)