"Because I am so busy all day long" (Potty problems)

[pear-shaped]

The quote in the title is what my dd (2.5) told me when I asked her, after her most recent pee accident (at the dinner table) why she didn't pee in the potty. It made me laugh because I thought it was a pretty perceptive answer.

We started potty learning about seen or eight months ago, just by buying a couple of potties so that she could get used to them. I think that she was ready then, but I didn't want to force it, so our arrangement was just that if she wanted to use the potty, she would tell me. That went on for a few months with her peeing in the potty mostly when she woke up in the morning and before bed at night.

A few months ago, she started peeing in the potty more often during the day and after about a month she was wearing diapers only for for sleeping and going out. I began to notice about a month ago that her diapers were often dry after waking up, and sometimes even after coming home from being out...anyway, just a couple of weeks ago she started having accidents, as many as two or three a day.

The thing is, part of me is just thinking that I was wrong, and she wasn't ready when we started, and isn't now either. But then I think of how for weeks she never had an accident and how she often has dry diapers in the morning. We have been planning to send her to preschool this September, but she won't be able to go if she hasn't learned to use the potty during the day.

To make things a little more complicated, she has issues with making poo in the potty and is sometimes constipated because she doesn't want to do it. She'll ask me for a diaper, and I put one on her so that she can do it. But I wonder if the fact that at times she has the diaper and at other times not is confusing her.

Or is it really just a case of her being really busy and not wanting to stop what she's doing to pee in the potty?

I guess I'm just wondering, what now? What we're doing doesn't seem to be working that well. Any advice?

[Xerxella]

Well, there's a million opinions about this topic. So, I'll give you mine!

Well, I think for many kids getting rid of the diapers all day, everyday is the way to go. (If you think they're ready and it sounds like your daughter is.) Will you have accidents? Yes. But, that's part of learning. Some people set timers and the child sits on the potty every so often. Sometimes there's a reward for every try and a different reward for every success. (This worked for us.) Or, you can just be aware of them. When they start jumping up and down and grabbing themselves, they have to go. 15 minutes after a drink they have to go.

Keep it light. Make it a fun game. Make it the "big girl" thing. (This really worked with us.) If it all falls apart go back to diapers and try again in a few weeks. She'll figure it out before she goes to college.

[nolonger]

I'm taking the other approach: ds has been EC'd since 24 hours after birth and understands the concept but there's nothing socially unacceptable about a 2 1/2 year old wearing diapers, finding a public bathroom (or even a fairly private clump of bushes or alley) in this town is a major hassle, we have a washing machine, and it just isn't worth stressing out over. He goes nekky-butt at home and doesn't have accidents and I put a diaper on him when we go out and take him to the bathroom when he asks, but we're both too busy for timers, rewards, embarrassing and uncomfortable accidents and the like.

[MusicianDad]

Honestly, I don't really see anything wrong with how you handle things unless you're making a big deal about accidents.

Most kids have accidents when they are potty learning, sometimes they come in groups. None for a while and then a few a day for a while. I would suggest every hour or two (however long she usually needs between pees) remind her to take a break and go potty.

As for using diapers for poops, it really just sounds like you're following her lead. If she is not ready to go in the potty, and you don't provide a diaper, the only other option is to go in her pants.

[pear-shaped]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Most kids have accidents when they are potty learning, sometimes they come in groups. None for a while and then a few a day for a while. I would suggest every hour or two (however long she usually needs between pees) remind her to take a break and go potty.

As for using diapers for poops, it really just sounds like you're following her lead. If she is not ready to go in the potty, and you don't provide a diaper, the only other option is to go in her pants.

Thank you, I didn't know that (the bolded part.) It really helps me put her accidents into perspective. I realize now I was looking at the process as a linear development, and it's just isn't.

I did used to suggest using the potty at first, but she became very independent about it so I stopped. Maybe it's time to start again.

And those are my thoughts, too, about the diaper for pooping. She really will not go if she has to use the potty...and I think she'd go for a really long time before she pooped in her pants. She becomes pretty uncomfortable if she goes or day or two without a bm. I feel very reluctant to make her go any longer.

Originally Posted by noordinaryspider

I'm taking the other approach: ds has been EC'd since 24 hours after birth and understands the concept but there's nothing socially unacceptable about a 2 1/2 year old wearing diapers, finding a public bathroom (or even a fairly private clump of bushes or alley) in this town is a major hassle, we have a washing machine, and it just isn't worth stressing out over.

That's what it's like here...it's just too hard to find a private place, let alone a public bathroom, and I think it would cause even more accidents if we had to spend time looking for them.

Originally Posted by Xerxella

Make it the "big girl" thing. (This really worked with us.)

Lol, I thought about trying this, but I'm also working on weaning her (not completely just yet but I'm trying to get her down to nursing just once a day, before her nap) and I have a feeling she's not so keen on being a big girl right now!

[SallyN]

I would address the "too busy to stop and pee" part.
Several approaches: 1) put a potty in the areas she spends the most time. That reduces the amount of time "away" from whatever activity she was doing. and 2) talk about how it takes a lot more time away from whatever activity in order to clean up an accident than to actually go potty (taking care to be matter of fact about it, no blaming.)

Help her recognize the signs. Encourage her to be aware of how she feels when her bladder is full vs when she empties it regularly (don't tell her how it feels, have her identify and describe for herself.)

As for the poop... I'd leave it alone (ie: carry on as you have been). Poop-potty-learning often takes a while longer after peeing. And it's also very mental. Even grown-ups have control challenges about where they poop. Feeling safe and comfortable is a large part of it. (My husband, for example, will not poop in public restrooms, even at his office.)

So if you *did* want to try to address the poop, I'd evaluate if she's uncomfortable at all with the toilet location/setup. Have you ever noticed her going to a certain spot(s) in the house after you put her diaper on for her to poop? If so, try putting a training potty in those spots.

(Hmmm... do her pee accidents increase when it's been a while since she's had a bm? I wonder if getting up on the potty might be harder/uncomfortable when she's also filled with poop?)

[RomanGoddess]

1. Check for urinary tract infection, just in case this is the cause of the sudden pee accidents. Otherwise, just make regular potty trips with her.

2. For the poo/constipation, just give her a diaper right before she has to go poop. Let her go in the diaper while she is sitting on the potty, then take the diaper off and dump contents in toilet. Eventually, you will be able to cut a hole in the bottom of the diaper so the poo drops into the potty. Make the hole bigger each time until she just has the remainder of the diaper around her waist and then no longer needs to wear it.

[swd12422]

We are there too, with the accidents. He PLed so fast and was accident-free so easily, it was scary. And now he'll have accidents (little ones, not full-blown pants-wetting) several days in a row. He IS just too busy to go potty! Someone suggested not making a big deal out of the accidents (i.e., no punishment or big disappointments over them), but to make a production out of cleaning them up. Even for a little one, make them sit on the toilet til you get back with a wet rag, clean them up, dry them off (even if it's such a little bit that they don't really need a cleaning off), ask for help getting the wet undies rinsed out and hung up properly, and THEN go find some clean undies, and get back dressed again.... IOW, draw it out so that it takes a little while, and then they can start to learn that going pee on the potty takes far less time than cleaning up after an accident.

I was only just given this advice, so I have yet to try it out, but I'm hoping it'll get the message across!

[Rlin]

My 2 year old potty learned himself 2 weeks before his second birthday. He is completely without diapers now (after 6 weeks), and also poops in the potty. He is starting to have a few accidents (few drops), I think because he is trying to figure out how long he can hold off going to pee. Pooping is still difficult, he sometimes asks me to carry him and run to the toilet, because he cannot make it in time by himself.

[Violet2]

RE; The pooping...

We read lots of books on poop and I put flax in everything to prevent constipation. Between the coaching she got from us as we read the books and the flax, DD does really well pooping.

Pooping I think involves more psychology than peeing but that's just my opinion.

V

[shanniesue2]

One thing that I've noticed about DS and pooping... he will poop in a potty chair but not in the big toilet... but he wants to pee in the big toilet (his potty chair is one of those that is multipurpose and can be used as either a potty chair, or you can take the seat part off and attach it to the big toilet). There are psychology issues, I'm sure, but there's also a physical thing... I'm pretty sure that I've read that it's hard to relax those muscles enough to poop if your legs are dangling. I don't know if any of that applies to your situation... but that's one thing we're dealing with.

Originally Posted by Xerxella

Make it the "big girl" thing. (This really worked with us.)

A little OT, but what's funny about this is that DS absolutely refuses to be called a big boy... if you try to say, "you're such a big boy!" He'll respond with either, "No. I a little boy!" or "No! I a little Christopher!" So we can't use the big boy/little boy thing. Plus, I have this kind of squirmy feeling about the big boy/little boy terms. It feels like there is some kind of judgement in it... like being a big boy is better than being a little boy... even if being a little boy is how he thinks of himself right now. But that may just be particular to our situation since "little boy" or "little Christopher" is how DS currently identifies himself... I don't want him to ever think that I think he should identify himself differently that what he does.... sorry if I'm not making that clear.