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Struggling...

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 
So I had pretty hardcore PPD after DD was born, which I think was really triggered by me having to go back to work. I managed to get through it without really doing much other than a few therapy sessions, some herbal supplementing, and quitting my job to be a SAHM. Rather drastic, but it worked!

This time around, I'm 3 weeks PP, and DH is heading back to work this week. I'm terrified that I won't be able to handle two kids as well as everything else (house, meals, life in general). I had DH cut off chunks of plancenta for smoothies and had two so far when I've started feeling "off". So far so good. But one intrusive thought I keep having is really hard to shake - when my DS looks at me, and maintains eye contact with me, it feels like he's looking into me, and knows what a horrible parent I am. I feel horrible - no basis for it, but that's what I feel. I just feel like someone should take the kids from me before I can mess them any more than I already have. Rationally, I can look at these thoughts and know that it's not true, but I find myself not wanting to look into my DS's eyes, because of how I feel when I do. Then I feel even worse because I'm avoiding such a bonding, connecting experience.

I'm sure this is so strange sounding, but I figured you all here would understand more than my family or friends...I'm also worried that my shaky grasp on keeping my PPD at bay will fail once DH is fully back at work. Help?!!
post #2 of 3
Have you told your doctor/midwife or therapist about that thought? Can you line up any help for when DH goes back to work?
post #3 of 3
I don't think that is strange sounding. Intrusive, irrational thoughts mean your brain is not all the way healthy. If I were you, I would consider supplements and maybe a few therapy sessions, if it worked for you last time.

And definitely arrange for some help when you dh goes back to work. Some physical help is good...someone to take your older child every once in a while so you can nap, someone to bring a meal, etc. But even someone to call you on the phone and check up on you is good. And make a plan with your dh for what he'll do to make sure you can maintain your health and monitor your health. If it DOES get worse (hopefully it won't) it would be good to have someone help you realize, look, this is getting bad, you need to do something more serious about this, let's make a plan.

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