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Vent: stranger's comments

post #1 of 66
Thread Starter 
Maybe its the heat or lack of sleep but one stranger's comment today really bugged me.

I had to see my ob for my 6 week pp check up. I buckle DS2 in the car seat and debate about putting on a hat but decide that the visor on the stroller will do the trick just fine. On the car ride there DS2 decides he is hungry again for the millionth time today (I swear he eats every hour still!) and starts to cry. I debate about stopping but its such a short ride that I decide to just get there as fast as I can. When I get parked I take him out of the seat immediately and comfort him. I know that he will cry harder if I put him back down in the stroller so I decide to carry him and push the stroller to the office. I feel horrible b/c I made him cry in the car and its really sunny out and I don't have a hat for him. As I'm struggling carrying a crying DS2 in one hand and pushing a stroller on an uneven parking lot in another, a woman passing me says "No hat?"

grrrrr

I felt like saying "Yeah no f***** hat, what its to you?"

Instead of a) stating the obvious and b) judging me, it would have been nice just to see a smile from her or maybe even an offer of help. Why oh why do people DO this sort of thing?
post #2 of 66
I hear you! I've gotten "cover her feet!", "she must be hungry!", "you're spoiling her by holding her so much!", "she must be tired!". ARGH!!

Unless she were trying to fasten a diaper to her baby's head or something, I would never, ever dare tell another mother what to do with her child. It annoys me no end to get unsolicited advice from strangers. It's hard enough being a mother without people telling you what they think you're doing wrong.

Thanks for the chance to rant!
post #3 of 66
I would be totally bugged by this too. Sorry you had a rough day!
post #4 of 66
I had a man tell me my son who was 3 months at the time was cold, while we were both sweating buckets from me wearing him.

I got this all.the.time. when DD was 9 months old basically this time of year, the girl ripped any hat off her head, whatever, so annoying.
post #5 of 66
Ugh! I wish I knew how to respond in these situations.

The other day I was at the library. DD (age 3) decided to take a ride across the floor on one of those stool with wheels. I told her to get off, and a guy passing by said, "Ah, come on. No need to be uptight. Let her have some fun." He was serious.
post #6 of 66
I would have been annoyed, too. Why would anyone even need a hat for a couple minutes - if that - in the sun?

Of all the things to say to a mother juggling kids to get from the car to inside a building, how weird that she chose that.
post #7 of 66
Gah, I know what you mean. It isnt just you. lol

Recently ( like last year) my sons and I were taking a walk and it was about 70 degrees out, and we passed by a bus stop with older folks sitting at it, wearing gloves and ear muffs and all that. We were walking at a good pace and feeling warm, and had our sleeves half rolled up. One woman looks at me and goes " They should be wearing a hat and gloves" I kinda chuckled and said " I'm sure they'll tell me if they're cold."

It will never end, you just have to laugh eventually.


But if it were me seeing you and your babes trying to get in the door, I just would have said " Can I help you get the stroller inside?"
post #8 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaingirl79 View Post
It will never end, you just have to laugh eventually.
So true.

I have a child who is always hot. Always. I'm always cold. I'll be bundled up, he's in a tshirt. I get comments. I ignore them.
post #9 of 66
I HATE "helpful" strangers.

I had someone tell me, after meeting my then 6 month old for 5mins, "It's time for shoes" in a very serious tone. Uhm, he had just learned to support his own weight without much assistance. It's not like he was running around outside all the time. I just smiled, nodded, and passed the bean dip.

FTR, he's 15mo and still no shoes!
post #10 of 66
ugh! that is so annoying! It is so frustrating when people do that when you have a baby instead of just being kind. I have had similar things happen and it is very frustrating!
post #11 of 66
I had someone once that had their kid yell at me out the window while they drove by us that I should "put some shoes on that kid".... It was a warm fall evening and we had been inside and were walking approx. 15 feet from the door to the car.
post #12 of 66
I guess it makes some meddlers feel good to know they've done their interfering deed for the day. If they don't tell at least one mom to put a hat or shoes or socks on her baby, maybe they get constipated.

But, y'know, it takes a village...too bad some folks think calling out the comments is what makes them good citizens, and they don't bother to offer any real practical help.
post #13 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tway View Post

Unless she were trying to fasten a diaper to her baby's head or something, I would never, ever dare tell another mother what to do with her child.
That would solve the hat issue.
post #14 of 66
Try this next time (and unfortunately there might be a next time)...

Busybody: "No hat?"

You: "No tact?"
post #15 of 66
I feel EVERYBODY on this. Never thought it would bug me but little comments from people REALLY get to me sometimes. I had a lady in front of me at a store tell me my ds must have a tummyache because he had started to fuss a bit. I cant begin to tell you how many times that has been a suggestion from people, mostly strangers. Drives me crazy. My MIL would tell me every time I saw her for the first 3 mos of ds life to "just put a little bit of rice cereal in his bottle" to make him sleep. News flash, have you ever seen me give my child a bottle? Perhaps you are confused as to whats going on behind my hooter hider? I would never give cereal to him just to get sleep, especially when she was giving the advice at 6 weeks old.......So I have ranted too. The only thing new moms need is respect. And yea, a smile is nice too.
post #16 of 66

Bath

I have a problem with my parents and my in-laws giving me opposite "advise". When I was giving my son his first bath, my father yelled at me for making my son's bath so hot it was going to burn him, and not two minutes later my father-in-law came in and said my son was going to freeze b/c the water was so cold. As for my son, he slept through the whole thing and didn't seem the bit bothered afterwards either!
post #17 of 66
I'm a dad... So everything I do/don't do when it comes to my children is perceived as a sign of my incapability when it comes to kids. Hat, not hat, shoes, no shoes... I could dress my baby exactly the same as the other persons and I would get a comment for something I've done wrong...

So yeah, I feel your pain!
post #18 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shera971 View Post
I felt like saying "Yeah no f***** hat, what its to you?"
If you had said that, maybe she'd be too scared to mouth off to someone else.

More helpful would've been "Yeah, no hat, HELP ME GET HIM OUT OF THE SUN!!!!!!11!!!! OH NoES!!!!"
post #19 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhiOrion View Post
That would solve the hat issue.
I used a flat as a hat a few times. For dd too.
post #20 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
I'm a dad... So everything I do/don't do when it comes to my children is perceived as a sign of my incapability when it comes to kids. Hat, not hat, shoes, no shoes... I could dress my baby exactly the same as the other persons and I would get a comment for something I've done wrong...

So yeah, I feel your pain!
I know. What's up with that?!

When DD was born (our first), DH went to lift her and cradle her. The MW, MW apprentice, and doula all exclaimed, "Careful of her head!" He hadn't even touched her yet.

The same thing happened after DS was born. "Watch her head!" Um, he's already a dad. I THINK he knows how to pick up a newborn.

There's probably no way to quantify this, but I'll bet that guys get is a lot worse than the mamas.
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